I promise this will be the most revealing I have ever been, and offer insight that if applied can place you high above all your circumstances into the arena of victory.
I grew up, as I said in many other blogs, in a dysfunctional home. That dysfunction left me feeling victimized. Today I hope to share how to break free from a victim mindset.
I have a nephew, his name is Joe, his life has touched my heart from the moment he was first born. I wanted Joe to experience the freedom that I had found so bad from finding Jesus. I want children to be free. I became the aunt that sent bibles to everyone at Christmas. I prayed relentlessly for years for all my kids, niece and nephews to what appeared to be, no avail.
They did not want the gifts I gave them. When opening up my gifts, they seemed like I had given them the worst gift ever. Looking back, I can understand their point of view. No one wants any gift they did not ask for. No matter how wonderful the gift is, if the recipient doesn’t want it, it is a bad gift.
I just kept praying and believing someday they would long for the freedom I had found. Other than my nephew David, Joe’s younger brother, no one seemed to chase after Jesus. If they did, I was unaware of it. Joe seemed pretty against the whole idea actually. I remember him giving me many reasons why, he had no interest at all.
I was overwhelmed with sadness. I could see glimpses of my childhood being relived through others, and I wanted desperately for the cycle to end. I was at a loss. The ugliness I grew up with came back in waves, sometimes knocking me down, other times knocking others down. I want to see the effects of that victim mentality completely destroyed!
About six weeks ago, right after my son Joshua got married, we all received Facebook friend requests from my nephew Joe. We all had lost contact with him. I was so excited! I accepted and then ran out the door to go to church. When I got out, I grabbed my phone and pulled up Facebook, I wanted to see what he looked like. The moment I pulled it up, his post jumped out at me! I had never read a post like that before in my life.
I have tried to be a person in his life, but part of this ugliness causes us to push people away. When we feel like a victim, we push people away. We trust no one! We feel much safer alone. Well, he had written something in his post that convicted me to write all this. He wrote...thank you to anyone who has taken the time to know me. Even if you intentionally tried to ruin my life, thanks for taking the time to at least do that. I remember thinking ‘wow’! I want to be like him. (I wrote what he posted in my words).
Last week, during one of our prayer services, one of the pastor’s were talking about how we need to eradicate this victim mentality out of the church. My heart began to soar, I thought, yes, yes, yes, let’s get this garbage out, once and for all. That was the last thing I remember him saying. The next thing I remember was; seeing my nephew Joe’s post, and I felt like the Lord was saying, ‘you know Michelle all though your concern for Joe is good and right, it comes from a perspective of thinking you are in a better place then he is”. Then He continued saying, “see what he said in his post…………………..?? He actually is in a better place than you”.…… Selah.………………stop and pause and think about that.
He showed me how, when we hold on to past hurts or any injustices …..etc., and view ourselves as a victim, we actually believe we are better than others. He was saying to me, the one who forgives their abuser, false accuser, back biter, wrong doer….(fill in the blank), and views themselves in a lower position than the one who brings them harm is actually in a better spot than the one who sees themselves as better than the wrong doer. In other words, when we are free from pride, we are free to love. Pride can disguise itself in an array of camouflage.
I was changed in that instant, and I am now free from the pain of all the false accusations, and wrong treatment. Although, no one should harm another, if we can’t forgive and see them as someone who is hurting too, we are not any better.
There is a passage in the bible that talks about two men both in prayer, the sinner says Lord have mercy on me. The Pharisee says, Lord thank you that I am not like him, a sinner! The Lord says; I tell you the truth, he will receive mercy, you won’t! (My translation)!
Let me ask you some questions: Do you enjoy being by yourself rather than other people?
Do you have trouble relating to anyone at a deep level?
Do you have problems with all your relationships?
Do you find yourself rehearsing past hurts, justifying that you had a right to be mad at so and so?
Do you tell the world how so and so did you wrong?
When your child does something wrong, do you nail them to a cross and throw away the nail puller?
What about your spouse, do they know who you are?
Can you even be real with anyone?
If you responded honestly and said yes to any of these, you too need help from the victim mentality that holds you as a prisoner. I pray we all get better. I pray that we will let this soak in and bring a freedom like we have never experienced before.
I am thankful for my dad. I am extremely grateful to anyone who has done me wrong. I am eternally grateful for my nephew Joe, who’s words pieced my soul and revealed who I needed to be. Please understand, I am not trying to point a finger at anyone but myself. I believe that God is doing a new thing and that instead of being a victim, we can finally become the victor. Go run your race to win!
Points to ponder:
If we feeling victimized we are holding others and ourselves in a negative state of being.
When we feel victimized, we are being deceived with pride.
When we forgive our offenders, we become free.
When we view others through the eyes of victim mentality, we view ourselves as being the better person. Which then brings about defeat in all of our other relationships.
I am telling you today that if you begin a walk of forgiveness and right thinking you can be victorious in all that you do. You can leap ahead and finish your race strong. Get ahead by seeing who you really are and how this mind-set has held you captive. People are not holding you back, your mindset is!!
Lord free us from the victim mentality, let us see people the way you do. Let us love like you love, and forgive and forget the way you want us to. Let us be wise in choosing friends who don’t intentionally harm us. Let us love the ones who only know how to harm from a safe distance. Let us learn how to safely interact will all of humanity. Teach us how to be safe people who bring love and healing to a hurting world. Make us whole, make us fit for the Kingdom Lord. Amen.