It’s All Perspective

Lately, I have been learning things about people and their pasts. While talking to the family members it’s apparent that, although they lived in the same house, each one has a different perspective. What does this mean? Does it mean that one person lies, while the other one tells the truth? Does it mean that one person is competent, while the other one is incompetent? What does this mean?

Perspective: a particular attitude toward or way of regarding something; a point of view.

My daughter competes in ice skating. We have been told by her instructor, not to put too much stock in the scores, because it’s all subjective. 

Subjective: based on or influenced by personal feelings, tastes, or opinions.

Here is a thought, what if nothing that we have experienced are actual facts? It appears to me, that we all have our version of the truth. So, does this mean that we are all wrong? Or, does this mean that we are all partially right.

1 Corinthians 13:9  says: Now our knowledge is partial and incomplete, and even the gift of prophecy reveals only part of the whole picture!

Here are my thoughts. What if, the reason that we all have different perspectives is for the point of gaining a larger understanding? What if, we were created to rely on God and each other? What if, we got along, played nice, lowered our opinions of ourselves and our theories, and listened to each other to gain insight? What if? Does this sound too simple, too reasonable and too wonderful to believe?

I believe God’s divine plan is laid out completely in the bible. I believe that we have been given two commandments: love God and love others. Love means to think as highly of someone else, as we think of ourselves. Throw in a little humility and now, we esteem others higher than ourselves. I believe, we push people away from us that we don’t agree with. The very people we were called to love, we push away. Why? I believe we push people away because we never consider their perspective. All the while our attitude is subjective.

What if we spent the rest of our days listening to other perspectives. What if we spent our entire days as a listener, rather than a talker. What if we threw away the idea of needing to be heard or right? Who could we become? I believe we are called to ponder, consider and make room for others in our hearts. This can only be done, when we give way to their perspective. It’s not about agreeing with, it’s about taking in a greater picture, for a greater purpose, the plans and purposes of God.

This is my perspective. I pray that you make way for my perspective in your heart, as I make way for yours.

Love you,

Michelle

Out of Control

I remember a friend of mine giving me a book called, “Out of Control and Loving it”, by Lisa Bevere. When she handed it to me, I thought, ‘why would I love being out of control’? As I read the book, like any good student would, I began to cry. Why? The thought of not being in control made me sick to my stomach and sent me into a realm of panic. I didn’t know how to function without being, in control.

I recently purchased that book again, as a reminder of who I used to be and where I want to go. Please take this blog to heart. I try to make the examples funny and interesting, for the point of humor. I believe in laughing at ourselves. I didn’t write this to point a finger at anyone, but just like the woman who wrote, ‘Out of Control and Loving It’, rather to bring hope, wisdom and options to the ones, including myself, wanting the freedom from being controlled. I can sincerely say, being out of control is something to desire and I am loving it. Enjoy this blog.

First let’s answer this question: Why do we feel the need to control? Usually people feel the need to control because, as a child they felt like their lives were completely out of their control. It doesn’t matter why they felt this way, it only matters that they felt this way. There are other reasons, but it is something that is birthed in most people early on.

There are many ways to control. I will attempt to entertain us with a few examples. Many decide early on to be in charge of their destiny on every level. This type of person would usually be: self-employed, owner, manager, president of the p.t.a., a volunteer junkie, teacher, preacher,  straight A student, instructor, pimp, prostitute, drug dealer, police officer, religious fanatic, abuser, murderer…etc. This is not to say all people who volunteer or choose a leadership position are trying to control. But, some do and only choose these positions in order to control. Some, not all.

Some women who employ these tenancies are many times, not all times, seen as being super, nice. They smile and use their eyes to make you look at them. They, many times, not all times, use flattery and kindness to get you to submit to their will. “Wow, you look amazing, can you go get that chair for me, you are so much stronger than me.”  This is an example. But, all of these examples I have seen, heard and lived on many levels. This is not to say all kind gestures are manipulative. But, using flattery to manipulate is. How many times have you been duped by the super, nice lady who controls every move you make? Make no mistake, this type of control is anything, but your friend.

Here are two of the most deceptive ones, one I call the silent rebel, the other would be the life of the party. The silent rebel is the person who appears to be shy. They don’t talk much and when you ask them questions they don’t reveal much. Usually they are not managers, they are employees. They tend to feel so out of control that they don’t possess the inner strength to manage anything, even their own lives.

None the less, they do however control you. Instead of saying no, I am not going to do what you say, or no, I don’t like that, they say nothing. They act like they are agreeing with you. But, on the inside, they dislike you for even suggesting anything to them. They usually feel like a victim. Trust me, you don’t want to know what they think about you. It would destroy you to know the hate, that bubbles up in an instant, about everyone. They usually gossip a lot too. Gossip is another form of control. If we can secretly cause mutiny, isn’t that quite controlling? They’re being controlled and don’t even know it. Beware and pray for them. This is not to say all quiet people have ill intentions. Understand and begin to discern the difference.

Now for the life of the party. The life of the party is a natural gatherer. They can make you laugh, make you cry, make you…do anything and you thank them for it. They use sarcasm like an old comfortable shoe. They will do anything to get your attention on them. If they drink, they will be a drunk. Why: to get attention. They are into the latest everything. They love all new gadgets and gizmos. Why: they want to be in style and in the know. They are so about self, they are usually entertainers, comedians, pastors, motivational speakers, sales people, hair stylist or the like.

They are driven to get your attention and get you to agree with them. When we agree with them it makes them feel important. They will stop at nothing to get you on their side. They will assassinate anyone who challenges them. Don’t be deceived, they are being driven to control. They will even use extreme kindness and politeness until they have you and then the real self jumps out. They are usually thought of as being extremely likable. This is not to say all jovial, likable people employ wrong motives. In time all truths get revealed.

There are many other examples. But, manipulation knows no boundaries. I wish I would have understood how not to be manipulated years ago. Being manipulated by others, whether internally or externally will cause you to be out of step. No matter who, is trying to control you, it is time to rise up on the inside and understand the point to all of this. Let’s learn together how to flip the tables on control and allow freedom to reign in our lives.

Here’s what I’ve learned over my tiny little existence. The person who deems control over you, won’t give up without a fight. No, I’m not meaning a fist fight, that really doesn’t work. I mean, we have two choices, we can end every relationship where others try to control us or we can take the viewpoint that just because someone wants to control us, doesn’t mean we lay down and allow it to happen. We can put up boundaries and keep those boundaries strong. What do I mean?

For instance, someone is trying to get you to change the way you act. Here’s an example: you walk into the house and someone asks you to do something for them. You have your hands full. You politely say, “I can’t.” Instantly they use verbal insults or guilt, to get you to do what they want you to do. You can ignore them or simply look at them and say, “stop……etc”. We don’t return fire with a verbal attack on them. We can stop all people from controlling us by being in control of ourselves.

This is one of the hardest things in the world to do. For me this takes the power of God for me to walk away and not retaliate. But, the only way to stop being controlled by anyone else, is to be in control of ourselves. We can’t blame another person for how we respond. We should have a preset as to how we respond to all types of control. This is not to say, we shouldn’t do nice things for people who don’t deserve it. What I’m saying is, we should only do what’s in our heart to do for the right reasons.

This is also to encourage us all to stop placing the blame on others for their attempt to control us. Unless we’re children or a victim of abuse, let’s start being in charge of our own destinies by walking away from the voice that makes us feel bad for being ourselves. It’s o.k. to say no and it’s o.k. to say yes. The bottom line is it’s up to us to walk out our heart’s ambition, without fear and without shame. I hope we all can learn to understand that the person or people who want to control us, are the ones being controlled by fear, that leaves them feeling as though they’re reeling out of control most days. When we can see that they are the ones out of control, maybe it will give us the patience and endurance that’s needed to maintain our sanity.

I’ve found the most helpful thing was recognizing the signs of a person needing to control others. The rest is up to me…. As I said, I used to feel the need to control everything. Now, not so much. I’ve learned how to see the good in everything and am grateful for the air that I breathe. I say yes, when I want to and no when I want to. I give others the freedom to do the same. Every now and again I’ll catch myself being frustrated that someone can’t see my illusive point of view. But, then I realize, that’s o.k. it’s not my job to control the thoughts and intentions of others. My job is to control me. Selah

Book 3-God Reveals

I am writing books to encourage a friend of mine who has been diagnosed with cancer. These are faith building books. Let your faith arise. Share this. Like this. Let’s together allow faith to rise in us for the impossible. Let’s destroy the works of sickness, disease and all destroying things together. In Jesus name.

It was a Tuesday. My mother used to visit me every Wednesday to take care of my two oldest boys. I was a single mom and she wanted to help. She had to come Tuesday, that week. She came to the salon first. I thought it would be a day like every other day. I was wrong.

I caught the view of my mom’s van as she pulled up. My eyes gazed into the sun as she got out of her van. In an instant my view went into slow-motion. I opened and closed my eyes many, many times but, the slow-motion continued. Then, like a microscope I could see my mother was sick and laboring in what she was doing. I ran to the door to help her as my mind raced, questioning how I could know this information? Was I just super smart, super noticing, super aware? Even if, I answered yes to all those questions…slow motion?? How did that happen?

I begged my mom to sit down and allow me to do something for her but, she could not get comfortable. It never occurred to me to call 911. So, maybe I wasn’t super smart. After she left the salon, she went to my house. I told her to do nothing but, play with the boys, as she always cleaned my house. I couldn’t shake what I felt on the inside of me. I knew she was not o.k., but who do I tell what I had seen?

A few hours later she called and said she was going home. I pleaded with her to stay the night. On my way home that night, I could not shake the eerie feeling I had in the pit of stomach. When I turned left on my street I noticed 3 ambulances. I knew they were there for my mother. She had been having a heart attack for hours and didn’t know it.

This story is long, too long to write in full detail. I quickly made arrangements for the boys and spent the next 5 days at the hospital. No one seemed to notice how sick my mom was, except me. I knew she was real sick and couldn’t get anyone to listen. They treated her like she was fine and was going to recover. I kept telling Rob, “my mom isn’t o.k.”! Still, no one believed. I saw and knew what I had seen was not of this world but, didn’t understand fully what was going on.

On the fifth day, as Rob and I left the hospital, my mom said, “Ggggoooodddd-bbbyyyyeeee yyyyy’aaaallll”. It happened again, as she waved and spoke, everything went in slow motion. While Rob and I was walking out of the building a voice said, ” you will never see your mom again“.
I didn’t run home and pray or run back into the room and pray. I did nothing on the outside that was visual to anyone. I had all this going on the inside of me, not knowing what to do. I was out of my league and felt hopeless. At 11:00 p.m. I got a call, I knew before I answered the call who was calling. Yes, my mom had another heart attack.

Why am I writing this? I believe that God sends warnings, signals, caution signs, red flags, stop signs, yield signs, turn around signs and usually we don’t comprehend it was God or most don’t even see the signs. He is talking, He is talking, He is talking! Are we listening? If we hear, do we know what to do? I can honestly say my lack of understanding cost me a lot. The bible says if it costs you EVERYTHING get understanding. I can honestly say it has cost me everything to even begin to understand and still, is anyone listening?

I became obsessive about the things of God so that another life would not be lost, due to me not knowing the signs. I have been rejected, laughed at, ignored, and had every wicked thing said about me. But, despite all those things, I will continue to seek His truth that reveals more than my own truth.

I will also add, I was not attending a church, I was not in any knowing relationship with God. I believe in going to church. But, my point is God is speaking to us, where we are at, wherever that may be. I have felt for years like I wasn’t the proverbial ‘good enough’ for God to talk to me or for me to hear Him. I have heard it preached from pulpits and talked about in the ladies room, about the haves and have nots of anointing, prophesy and giftedness. That is why I am emphasizing and will continue to emphasize my lack of everything that is considered esteemed. I didn’t ask to see. I had no training, yet God came down and revealed something to me. For He alone get’s all the fame.

God reveals but are we listening. God reveals but do we know what to do? God reveals, but are we too locked up to respond correctly? God reveals, but have we put God in a box? God reveals, but does it not fit our personality, likes, dislikes, comfort zones? God reveals, have we allowed ourselves to pay a price for understanding? When I lost everything and continue to loose everything, I begin to allow the uncomfortable to be the comfort of choice. God reveals.