Christmas of Yesterday

I remember, like it was yesterday, my Grandpa Roger aka: Jolly Rog, talking about his longings for yesterday. When he spoke, I thought, ‘you make yesterday seem so tangible, I wish I could’ve been there in that moment in time with you.’
His wife, my Grandma Sue aka: Susy, always made yesterday seem so dream like, with lush greeneries, creeks and her best horse, Pat. The horse that would kneel down, so my grandma could get on.

There’s a type of attitude that ponders, meditates on and rehearses the former things. I’m a person who lives in the moment to the extent, that I rarely have any brain space to contemplate anything, except my current reality. Then, along comes Christmas. Every year at Christmas, the only thing that seems to flood my mind, is yesterday.

It’s been a long, long time since I got to sit down next to my grandparents and hear one of their all consuming stories. It’s been almost as long since I’ve heard the sound of my mom’s voice and her southern twang in all its glory. All of my grandparents, parents, uncles and many aunts have passed on. Those tales have gone silent and yet, I long to close my mouth, just to hear them one more time.

I’m not sure when it first hit me that closing my mouth and listening was better than talking but, it seems when we finally decide to close our mouths the only thing we’re left with, is the sound of silence. We seem to go silent when the ones who we long to hear, are no longer around to tell us their stories. Whether it’s family or friends, we always seem so ready to go on and fight for our right to be heard but, once we get it, it’s not as glorious as it had seemed.

When I was a child, I adored my parents and Grandparents. I didn’t need to be taught those things, that’s just the way that it was. My mom excelled in loving her parents too. Her acts of love towards them couldn’t be contained in within 1,000’s of pages.

I believe we teach our children how to treat their parents, by the way we treat ours. My mom loved and respected her parents and rightfully so. My dad, had respect and love for both of his parents, even though he came from a much different background than my mom’s.

Parents who are deserving of our love are, parents who give up all that they are to bring into this world another life. They are the parents who chose life over death, the ones who make choices for their children out of love, whether it’s popular or not.

My Grandma Susie left my mother in charge of 3 small children every day, while she went shopping or ran errands. As I got older, I used to call her ‘Money Bags’, because she always had money. We would both laugh at the thought of that name but, literally, she never worked and always had money.

My mother, due to being left in charge of her 3 siblings had a unique bond with each of them that could never be severed and, she was one of the most selfless mothers, I’ve ever seen or known to this day. My mother was a mother figure to all children of all ages. She was a rare jewel, a gift. No child ever felt unloved in her presence.

Only knowing my mom as my mother, I assumed all mothers made children feel important, loved and worthy of their time. I’ve learned this isn’t always the case. This is not to say she was perfect or lenient and it’s also not to say I always felt loved. Unfortunately, it wasn’t until she left this earth that I came face to face of the reality of the loss of extraordinary love.

I’m so grateful that I got to see, hear and feel a different reality when I grew up. Make a pot of coffee, sit on your most comfortable chair and let’s experience some of my favorite memories, together for this Christmas.

My Christmas experience started on the day after Thanksgiving, no Black Friday to tear us away from each other, no, no, no. We spent every minute together preparing the way for the next family event.

Watching my mother cook, bake or make anything in the kitchen left us in awe and wonder. We always got to help. We didn’t need titles or invitations, we wanted to be part of the smells, creativity and clean up committee by means of licking spoons, egg beaters or other utensils. My mother and Grandma always kept us engaged and entertained while they whistled and worked.

In our house, my mom and Grandma always made children part of what they were doing. We didn’t have an adults table and children’s table. I never saw that until I was an adult. As children we were never swept off into another room, told to play outside until dark or hushed for talking out of turn. We had a voice and unless, we were being disrespectful, we were always seemingly the reason for my parents and grandparents existence.

My mother used to pick up her sister’s boys, my cousins, almost every weekend, year round, starting with David, until they were teens or off in college. They were treated like our siblings. Family wasn’t an afterthought, dread or sickness, it was everything, an all encompassing experience.

The entire month of December, we were either shopping, wrapping presents, decorating or making special treats. The act of shopping was all part of the wonder. My dad was famous for Christmas Eve shopping extravaganzas. I loved shopping in downtown Lansing, Mi. on Christmas Eve.

My mother used to work at the Knapp’s department store, downtown. It was a glorious store. It was filled with anything that you could think of and the customer service was to be envied. The fragrances of cigar smoke, perfumes, divine foods, candies and pop filled the air. In my Motherland of Michigan, soda is called pop.

In the 60’s my daddy always smelled of leather, Old spice, VO5 and cigarettes. It was a smell that said, ‘I’m with my tougher than tough dad.’ My dad was all heart, class and true grit. Because, he grew up on the wrong side of the tracks in Lansing, MI., he was good friends with some mafia families and forever could out talk any Italian, “Father Guido Sarduchie”, he’d say, in a mofia type accent, then he’d start laughing 😂 hysterically. The stories of staying safe amongst thugs without ever becoming one, was the story of my dad’s life.

My dad held the line and protected the weak, like a hen protects her chicks. He was 100 percent for anyone until they crossed the line of injustice. If anyone did anything that harmed anyone, my dad, Fred Goodknecht, was there to see that justice was served. Nothing broke my dad’s heart more than injustice. How I miss that powerhouse of passion for the innocent.

One time on Christmas Eve, while we were shopping downtown, he looked long and hard at the pocket watches. After a time, he asked the polite sales clerk, whom I believe was the owner, to look at one. As he held the pocket watch in his hands, he began to tell me of a yesterday story about his Grandpa Hank and how much he had always wanted a pocket watch like his. His tall posture became that of a child’s longing for a yesterday that brought him one of the few fond memories of his childhood.

That year, because of that yesterday story from my dad, I, a child of possibly 5-6 years old made sure my daddy got the pocket watch of his dreams. I can still see that pocket watch, smell his after shave, cigarettes and leather and hear his heart and longings for the childhood with his Grandpa Hank.

Anyhow, we’d spend half of Christmas eve shopping, then the rest of Christmas eve wrapping presents and watching Christmas shows. Rudolf was always my favorite Christmas movie when I was growing up. My dad loved watching Christmas movies and special t.v. shows with the Carpenters or Andy Williams, to name a few, with us too.

My mom would be baking up a storm, she made candy, cookies, pies, cakes, cinnamon rolls and tons of other things. Baking was her specialty and my dad even got great at cooking bread one Christmas vacation.

Speaking of vacations, that was one of the times of year that everyone had a vacation. People used to spend time with their families at Christmas. Not just one day but, at our house, for an entire week to 10 days.

We always had out of town family staying with us at Christmas. My mom and dad were great about having people over. Our house was always packed with friends and relatives. Those are the greatest memories of all.

We’ve so lost that welcoming spirit. I remember when I was growing up, one of my mom’s cousin’s wive’s wasn’t interested in the art of hospitality. She seemed all too happy to keep everyone at an arms length away from her doorstep. So sad to miss out on the greatest blessing of all, family.

Not us, our house was full, to overflowing, all of the time. So often I hated it at the time but, now that I’m older, I realize my parents were the coolest for creating a place where everyone felt welcome. I’m so glad my parents actually cared about other people, to the point of inviting people over weekly, sometimes daily.

We grew up with an array of animals that my mom loved on, just as much as she loved on us. I was known for bringing home every stray in the neighborhood. Before I was commissioned to find their homes, we’d love on them, make sure they were well fed and then, when those moments were over, we’d troll the neighborhood looking for their rightful home. Once their homes were found, we’d bid our teary eyed farewell and return home. Often, I’d do this search by myself. I starting rescuing animals when I was all of 5.

My mother always knew what everyone wanted for Christmas. We didn’t give Christmas lists to our parents, we gave them to Santa. I used to think her radar for the perfect gift was a strange phenomena. As I grew older and no other person I knew had that same special gift in my life, l realized what it was about my mom that made her so magical, she listened and cared. If I could wrap up one word that describes yesterday to the world, that word would be care. There was one time many years after the era of my childhood, when my son Derek wanted Burger King. My mom drove Derek and Josh around for miles until they found one. The essence of that act exemplifies the essence of my childhood.

Yesterday, people took time out of their day to talk face to face with others. No one was on Facebook, Instagram or the like, we called people on the phone, wrote long, enduring letters or spoke just dropped in at folks homes.

Yesterday, we purchased Christmas Cards, filled them out and sent them to the ones we loved. We’d save the cards we received and hung them up the following year as a Christmas decoration.

I remember going to people’s houses and looking at all the Christmas cards, it was an awesome sight. I’ve purchased Christmas cards every year, only to be so stuck in the moment, I’d forget to send them or send them after Christmas. I so wish I had the time, my mom had. Maybe this year will be different.

If you notice all these adults, isn’t it interesting which adult that small child was looking at? L-R: Sondra, Phillip, Patrick, Margaret, Kay, Grandma Susie and Grandpa Roger.

I sincerely agree with and long for the yesterday that my Grandparents described. They were born before cars, at a time when without your family or neighbors, you’d probably die. If we live in the country, we get more of a sense of that but, I can tell you I live in the country now and although it’s better than a big city, it’s not the same country feeling that I had as a child.

How grand it would be for the Grandparents like mine to rise and shine and be all we can be. I pray that when we hold our Grandchildren we tell them of a childhood where family was an institution that was held together by love, sincerity and caring.

That we put the wonder back into our worlds. I hope for the goodness, wholesomeness and awesome imperfections of a yesterday, be talked about, empowered from and not forgotten. Time is the only thing in this life we never have enough of. Maybe our yesterday can be the glue that changes our today. Maybe we will get out of our rat race long enough to remember the good part of our yesterday.

Sure, there are many parts of yesterday that needed to change. But, is it wise to scrap our whole history for the 6% that needed to be eradicated. Quite honestly, it takes the good, the bad and the ugly to create a story worth telling. It’s never too late to rewrite our ending. I hope I started mine today.

L-R Freddy, Marie, Richard, Don, Mom, Me, Angie, Tammy and Cammy, Nancy, Grandma G, Nate.

Grandma, Grandpa (Hank) Goodknecht, Gale, Nancy, Marie and dad.

A New Perspective

Hello. It’s been awhile since I shared anything. I write to remember who I am, and who I’m becoming. If my journey helps you, it’ll seem like it wasn’t in vain. I pray as you read this, you will find a new perspective too.

Here is a my new perspective.

Over the last two years I regained the family that I hadn’t had in over 20 years only to then, loose most of them again. As, each one left, I did my best to stop the momentum. I prayed, cried and gave more of myself than I thought was possible. Yet, one by one, they are now gone. For you, who are only now, coming into this blog site, my grandmother Grace (my dad’s mother), Linda Goodknecht (my dad’s wife of 30+ years), and then my dad, died within the last two years. I hadn’t had a close relationship with them in over 20 years.

I can’t begin to describe what I have been through in something as small as a blog. But, I will tell you what I am and who I am becoming.

I can’t go back and change one thing. Over the past 2 years I can without a doubt say, that I gave more than I had to give. I was walking in a supernatural moment of restoration and emotional healing.

Now that they’re gone, should I believe that God is a liar? Should I believe that I made a mistake in grabbing a hold of what is now so painful? What have I learned, and who am I now?

There are many things that I’ve had to face. I had to face my own demons that kept me from my father and family for years. I’ve had to come to terms with the reason that I agreed to being alienated from the family that I loved so much.

By allowing something to happen to us, we agree to those terms. I never did anything to see that change, which means, I agreed to the terms of alienation.

I’ve had to decide who I will be today, while I face much adversity over things that are too painful to put in this blog.

When someone dies, all we have left, is the people left behind. We all have to choose who we are going to be. Will we allow this loss to divide us? Or, will we once and for all, choose a different path?

I’ve had to forgive myself for allowing the ideas and opinions of others, keep me from my dad. He was a  man that I loved my whole life, yet, he never knew how much I loved him until the last 2 years of his life. The cruelest thing a person can do is withhold love from others.

I’ve had to forgive the very people, that have aimed jealousy, animosity, anger, and malice towards me.

I’ve had to live in regret. Regret that I ever doubted that my father loved me, regret that I ever listened to any unkind word spoken about him and, regret that I stayed away from someone I longed to be with for 20 years.

Did you know that unkind words are designed to cause division? Don’t listen to an unkind word about anyone. They are lies meant to keep you from a great relationship. The people who speak unkind words about others are called divisive.

I’ve had to forgive my father and many others for ever believing lies about me.  In order for people to believe that there is anything in my heart for anyone except pure, genuine love, they are believing a lie. Although love takes on many facets, love has always been at the forefront of who I am. Always!

I’ve had to say goodbye to many relationships that were designed to harm me. I believe the best of others, I don’t comprehend a person not loving me, not to mention, bringing harm to me. When that is evident I have to choose, do I stay in a relationship designed to harm me, my children and my world, or do I cut the cord, and forge ahead regardless of the brokenness that I feel?

I’ve learned that I don’t have any time left in my life to waste on futile relationships. If a person doesn’t have my best interest in their hearts, I will always love them but, I will not involve myself too deeply in their attempts to harm me anymore.

Beauty to capture.

I’ve had to surround myself with a safe place of worship, where I’m allowed to let God alone heal me from the inside out.

I don’t doubt any decision that I’ve made over the past two years. For the first time in my life, I see very clearly. I see what is, what was, and what is supposed to be.

I’ve also learned that preparing for our death is something I will be doing within the next few months. I will make sure, beyond any doubt, that my will for the things I’ve worked my entire life for, will be executed to the letter.

The only thing a person has left when they die, is their legacy. When others try to change that, that is the ultimate dishonoring act. I can’t imagine what is in store for the people who dishonor the dead but, I won’t be that person ever.

I have learned to make every second count. I’ve always been like this, but now, I’m cutting out everything that takes me away from what really matters to me.

I’m eating what I want, when I want it. I’m not eating, if I don’t want to. I sit down, when I need to, instead of pushing myself. I breathe fresh air, tumble in piles of snow, have snow ball fights, and make snow angles in the snow. I want to retire as soon as possible and talk, hug, smile and be deeply in love with as many people as I can. I truly love. I see good in everyone and, it’s amazing to fall in love with every living creature we encounter.

I want people to know that they were created for greatness, and to not allow opinions of others to get in their way. I don’t want my children to be plagued with doubts of my love for them anymore.

I want everyone I know to live like they only had 24 hrs. left. I, no longer, push off goals that are important to me. My goal list has gotten shorter and shorter.

My New Perspective: Love others, and get rid of anything that is a distraction from that.

What are you going to do with your next 24 hours?

 

It’s Time

I’m a person who asks many questions and am one who can’t turn a blind eye to anything. Now, more than ever the lines of right and wrong are getting blurred, and people desiring gray rather than black or white. Why?

Why are we comfortable with walking by people who hurt, as though they don’t exist?Why, when we hear of children being sold into sex slavery, do we finish chewing our food, swallow it and then continue with our appetites? Why are will still enraged by slavery of yesterday but, won’t lift a finger to stop the slavery of today?

Who have we become?

Why have we allowed the voice of racism to rise above truth? Hatred knows no boundaries and has no limits. When we become blind in any one color, or cause, whether we’re for or against, we become part of the problem. I’m neither for or against any color. I’m for the creator of all color and all of His creation is good.

Why is it easier to hate than love? Why do we fuel fires instead of putting them out? Why do we excuse ourselves for the same behavior we despise in others? When will we grow tired of our own hypocrisy?

Why do we believe that loving others applies only to the ones we like? Why do we long to be noticed and admired by our peers? Why do we constantly brag about every little detail of our small existence? Who are we really trying to impress? Isn’t talking about the good that surrounds us, much more praise worthy?

Why are our children still killing themselves? Why do drugs or addictions still have an attractive nature to the young and restless? Why would we ever bully others into wrong choices?

It’s time to face things and make a change

It’s time to love

It’s time for our battle cry to cry for someone else

It’s time for our hearts to change

It’s time for the weak to be strong

It’s time for families to unite

It’s time for the hungry to be fed

It’s time for justice to prevail

It’s time!

Offence, is it a Means to an End?

Lately, I hear in the news about people being offended. For the last few years the subject of being offended seems to be the topic of many conversations. It is a topic in church, in the media, at home, in the work place, and our government. Why does this thing called “offense” have so much control over our world?

This blog will neither be super-spiritual nor super-opinionated. It will be factual, informative, thought-provoking, and hopefully you will get a clearer view about the topic of offense.

More than twenty years ago, after living the life of a person destoyed by offense, I sat in our little church of 300 and heard a viewpoint that began to change my life. I heard that offense was a tool to control me. I heard that offense was ugly in nature and its entire desire was to divide relationships, work places, churches, families, and nations. I also heard that it was wrong for a person to ‘take offense.’ By ‘taking offense,’ we place ourselves in a bad position. We willfully decide to believe something bad about another person, situation, attitude, or the like. In addition to believing bad about another, we also choose to inflict pain on ourselves by ‘being offended’.

Here is an example. Let’s say that you pay me for my advice. I give it to you. You don’t like the advice but, instead of disregarding the advice, you decide to disregard me instead. When we become offended, we actually become offensive. In order to be offended, one of the keys is that we must believe someone is actually doing us harm, wrong, and injustice and with bad intentions. It places us in a position of declaring accusations against another. Is this really who we want to be? Doesn’t this mean that the offended person actually committed the exact same scenario that they claim that their offender has?

Why would we ever believe that our actions are any less wrong than the ones we have accused of being offensive? Why? Because, we are too close to be objective. That is the point of hearing pastors, friends, clergy, therapists, spouses, family members, and co-workers. If someone gives a point of view and our gut reaction is ouch, that usually indicates one of two things. It means we either need to look at ourselves and see if we need to change or it means that the other person just was a little off. That’s all. It doesn’t mean we should become offended, feel bad, point fingers, sulk, lash out, change laws, or make picket signs. The solution is so much easier than that.

So what should we do when we begin to feel “offence” coming over us?

1. If you believe in God, I would recommend reading about Jesus and His walk to the cross. He was beaten beyond human recognition, made fun of, spit on, and had his flesh ripped off his body by the people He loved the most. He didn’t get offended. He expected it. Read how He felt about these people. You can find these accounts in the latter part of Matthew, Mark, John and Luke, in the New Testament of the Bible.

2. If you don’t believe in God, I would reflect on what I’ve written today and ask yourself a few questions. A) Do I want to see myself as someone better than the other person and point fingers at them, putting myself on the same plain as they are? Or B) Maybe, just maybe, can I just consider that they are different than me and that’s okay?

3. Make a list of the pro’s and con’s of being offended. Does lining up a defense against others really serve as a justifiable solution?

4. Make a list of the character of the person, place, or thing that you want to be offended at. Does what you want to think, line up with facts?

5. Who will be harmed the most if you choose to be offended? Will it be the other person, place, or thing? Or will it be you? I’ve seen people go to the grave hating a person. Being offended can destroy your life. Do you really want to do that?

6. Solution: Write a letter that you wished the person, place, or thing would read. Be specific. Don’t leave out any details of your point of view. If you’re angry, let it out. If you’re sad, put that in. If you feel betrayed, put that in your letter. Then after you’ve written the letter, read the letter. If you want, show the letter to God and ask Him to bring justice to the situation, burn the letter, and walk away. If you don’t believe He is real, burn the letter, and burn out any residue of bad feelings towards the recipient of the letter. Forgive and let it go.

7. This is for the extra milers. Allow God to change your heart so that you never offend anyone. If we really hate being offended so much, shouldn’t we be what we don’t hate? Shouldn’t we become an example of how people need not get offended? Shouldn’t we give extra grace, extra encouragement, extra favor, and extra forgiveness to the ones who don’t deserve it?

Again to restate my position. Please, don’t get offended by my pointing to God. That would destroy the point of this. But rather understand, God has proven to be faithful to all that I recommend. After my pastor in our little church of 300 spoke his little sermon, I had to go home and reflect on all of his words. I had to do further investigation for decades to prove what he said would work. I used to allow offense to cripple me. I was more than a wounded warrior, I was an emotional cripple. I drank to subdue the pain that I willingly chose to keep in my heart. I had a victim mentality and walked around holding on to every offense. Did I run people down, probably? Did, I publicly slam people? Yes. I believed that I had a right to take matters into my own hands with the ones who did harm to me. I was not a coward, ever. I would face the ugliest of offenders. I had many people do real harm to me intentionally, yet, because I chose to hold onto the pain, I did the greatest harm to myself.

God can free you from all of your wounds, pains, injustices, and hurts. But you can also continue to re-inflict yourself if you don’t forgive and let it go. Offense doesn’t work. We are supposed to be able to handle things we don’t agree with or like professionally and objectively. Getting rid of people or opinions that we don’t agree with will never solve our problems. The problem isn’t them, it’s us. It’s our perspective that is offensive. It is we who need to change. Removing offenses will only enable us to become a greater cripple. Shouldn’t we all long for our own personal freedom, rather than telling the world they need to accommodate our personal preferences?

I hope you long for your personal freedom as I did for decades. I wished someone would have slapped me until I understood what I’m writing today. People tried, but I wouldn’t listen. Finally, after destroying most of my life, I allowed God and His word to break through. Let love win by not being offended. Don’t be the wounded warrior that inflicts pain on others and then justify our actions. No! Let offense change who we are. Let it go and be free.

Strategies to Accomplish Your Dreams

What if, I told you that anything that you dream can be accomplished? Anything! What if, I told you that the only reason you are where you are in life is because what you believe is possible? What are your dreams? Do you even remember? Do you want to be a President, doctor, veterinarian, writer, singer, musician, entertainer, preacher, teacher, trainer, coach, Olympian, or something simple like having more peace, feeling safe at night, paying your bills on time, etc. What are your dreams?

I confess that each day I live out a segment of my dream. Am I a millionaire? No, that was never one of my dreams. My dream was to have freedom in my heart, mind, and body. My dream was to love the unlovable. My dream was to enjoy every minute of my life. My dream was to have a husband who loved me. My dream was to have a happy family. My dream was to help others accomplish their dreams. My dream was to see people fall in love with Jesus.

I have many other dreams that I am currently living out and those are just a few. You may think, ‘hmmm, those are easy. I’m happy, my husband loves me, etc.’

Then I have to ask “Are those your deepest dreams?” They were for me.

Here is another one of my dreams, I’ve dreamed of being in the Olympics. You may say, ‘Ha, you’re not in the Olympics.’ You would be right, I’m not. However, I have a horse that I’m currently training and next year we are going to the show. If the Olympics are for me, I will make it there.

Without further ado, I must confess that I could have been living out my dreams at a much earlier age, but was not willing to take on the role that it all depended on me. I believed that others have stopped me. I believed that good would never be part of my life. I believed a lot of self-defeating things that prevented me from attaining my goal and because of it, it has taken almost thirty years to start enjoying the dreams that depended on me, to acquire. Here are the greatest keys for you to unlock your dreams.

1. Allow God to birth in you the dreams that He has for you. Revelation 3:8 I know your deeds. See, I have placed before you an open door that no one can shut. I know that you have little strength, yet you have kept my word and have not denied my name.

2. Write down the vision that God gives you. Habakkuk 2:2 Then the LORD replied: “Write down the revelation and make it plain on tablets so that a herald may run with it.

3. Believe that God only wants good for you. Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

4. Pray daily, hourly or whatever it takes, until the dream begins to unfold. 1 Thessalonians 5:16 Rejoice always, 17 pray without ceasing, 18 give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.

5. Develop a deep relationship with Jesus Christ. Learn how to do anything and everything He tells you, no matter how insignificant or strange it may seem. If He says make a cake for someone, do it. He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him. Hebrews 11:16 And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to Him must believe that He exists and that He rewards those who earnestly seek Him.

6. Be generous in every area of your life. God doesn’t give us dreams to hoard them or lord them over others. He gives them to us for the benefit of all. He has good plans for you. A good plan would involve others being blessed and God getting the credit for the blessing. Luke 3:8 Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together, and running over will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.”

7. Get joyful in all things. God loves joy. Joy is our strength. We need joy to override all the pitfalls that we will face. If we don’t have joy, we won’t succeed. James 1:2 Consider it pure joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, 3 knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance.

8. Here is the last one. It is the best one. Find passion in loving passionately. Do I mean this in a provocative way, yes, if you are married. The two greatest commandments are 1) Love God; 2) Love others. Jesus says when we do that, we’ve done everything else right. Why? Because perfect love, never harms others.

We can only expect good when we know that His plans for us is good and if we are only sowing good. Everything I just listed is good seed to sow. You will reap a harvest of goodness when you sow good seed.

Thank you Lord for seeing our God given dreams and breathing life into them. You are the giver of life. You only give good gifts to your children. Thank you for revealing to us how good you really are. Thank you for birthing in us the faith that it takes to live a life pleasing to you. Give us your dreams and give us the courage to walk out the dreams that you have for us. With you we can do all things, but without you our plans will account for nothing. Make our lives have meaning, value, and account for the goodness in You. Let our passions draw people to you, the giver of good dreams. I love you Jesus, let it be, as in your word. Let the ones who need this encouragement find it today, amen.

God Is Not Usual

I’m writing for my friend who has been diagnosed with cancer. This blog is about my own experience with an unusual God. I hope this builds your faith in the unusual.

Here is where this story starts. We were living in GrandBlanc, Michigan. I had three boys, Derek, Joshua and Daniel. My mother had died a few years prior to this and my son Daniel had been diagnosed with asthma. I had heard that God could remove disease, sickness and even raise people from the dead. I had always been a, shoot for the stars, kinda gal. I decided that I wanted to be able to see healing. I already knew what sickness and death looked like.

I had read many books on healing and was devouring the bible, like most people devour food and drinks. My sons and I would worship the Lord through songs and pray daily during these summer months off. My son Derek, was obedient, faithful, and had an amazing heart for God. I would usually have Derek help with prayer.

Many days, I felt so isolated and defeated. We were broke financially. We lived in a broken down house where everything else was breaking. No phone, car, internet, vcr or any luxury item.

I tried so hard to have faith. At the end of each day, I questioned who I was, why I was, and if Daniel’s health would ever change? Did I want too much? Did I think more highly of myself than I ought? Who was I to believe God would do anything for me? Regardless of my mental, physical, emotional or spiritual state of being, I had decided I would do whatever it took to see Daniel recover. I wanted him free from any medication or breathing difficulty.

One of the things I would do daily is fill my house with worship songs, Christian music and prayer. One day, like many we did things to build our faith. I told Derek and Joshua to worship and when I gave the word, we would start praying for healing. I asked the boys if they had anything they wanted God to do. Derek said that he wanted the planters ward removed from the bottom of his foot.

When he made this unusual request, I thought ‘hmmm, how is God gonna remove a wart?” Yep, that was me, super logical. Our human logic can kill our faith.

We had probably been worshiping in song for about 20 minutes, then I started to pray with words, not singing. I was just about ready to tell Derek that we needed to start praying for healing and he said, “mom look, God numbed my foot so that I could remove the wart!”My thoughts were, ‘say what?’

As I opened my eyes and began to focus in on his foot, I saw a large deep hole, no blood, and free from any wart. Understand, when I was a child I had years worth of medical treatment for wart removal and I’m glad they’re gone. But, the procedure wasn’t pain free or blood free.

This was the most unusual thing I had ever witnessed. My mind couldn’t believe it but, my heart began to sing. I grabbed Derek and Josh and said, “let’s worship some more!” God is good! We may have even jumped up and down for awhile, like people do when they’re favorite team is winning.

I learned a very valuable lesson that day, God is not usual. He can do whatever He wants, in the manner in which he wants to do it. Never, would I have ever imagined that He would supernaturally infuse numbness into a limb, so that we could do surgery, never! My son believed it was possible and acted on what he believed. We will always act on what we believe. I pray that we believe in the unusual.

This photo reminds me of the energy and attitude of Derek and Josh. God heard their energetic and playful hearts and responded to them. I’m grateful for childlike hearts more than you’ll ever know.

I also want to add, no preacher, minister, priest, theologian, divine healer, or any person with scores of godliness prayed for my son. We did. A seven year old boy believed in an unusual God. He believed his mom who said, “God heals.” His mind and heart were open to anything, and anything became our reality.

God is not limited by anything except what we believe. But, I have lived to receive when I didn’t ask, or expect. He has proven time and time again that He can do, whatever He pleases. He pleases to see us well.

I pray for your faith in the unusual to arise. Don’t limit God by your religion, experience, mind sets, comfort zones, schedules, goals, time slots, routines and the like. Get free from any mindset that keeps you from the hand of God. I can’t guarantee what He will do for you, but I can guarantee it won’t be usual. I serve a supernatural God, why would I think that anything He does is usual?

Isaiah 55:8  “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the Lord!

Strengthening Family Ties at Christmas

The Christmas Season can be the best or the worst time of year depending on many dynamics in our families. I want to bring to the forefront, strengthening tools that can bring about the best Christmas Season, you will ever encounter. Let’s learn how to enjoy the family God has given us.

First I want to cover some of the reasons that this time of year can be difficult.

1. You have lost a loved one recently and the reality of them being gone is too much to face.

2. Financially, you have had a tough year and purchasing gifts may not be an option.

3. Many of your family members are not Christians and so the topic of Jesus is a little sketchy.

4. You really don’t have a close relationship with any of your family members, so you opt to spend it alone.

There are far more reasons than this but today, we will discuss these four. Let’s hit them head on, demolish their hold on us and move forward. We can have the best Christmas that we have ever had. I know the pain of each of these four reasons and here is what I have done. I know these tools will help you.

1. I allow myself to cry about the losses in my life. I believe crying helps our heart to heal. I pray for divine healing in my heart to take place. I embrace the family that I do have.

a. I don’t talk endlessly on the loss of my loved one, yet I don’t pretend like I am not hurting.

b. I take all of the energy I have towards the ones I miss and point it towards the people I have in my life. I study their good attributes as I fall more in love with them.

c. I determine to love the ones I have, like I wish I could love the ones I miss.

2. Financially, I assess my situation and get creative. In today’s society I believe anything is a blessing. I have found that the greatest gifts cost little, to nothing. They just take time to consider.

a. What do people in your life long for? Find out what is near and dear to their heart and do that. Something as simple as a note about how much they mean to you, could be the greatest gift they have ever received.

b. Don’t be cheap! If you don’t have money, let it cost you something. How about a jar full of, acts of kindness, that you will show them on a specific day?

c. Be generous in hugs, kisses and help. Most people around the holidays are stressed. So being a stress reliever is an amazing gift.

3. Be Jesus. I tell my kids to not discuss Jesus with anyone unless they, open up that subject. I believe everyone wants Jesus, they have just never seen Him in us. Leave that subject alone. Trust me, people want to see the “real Jesus” in you. You are with them to be with them, allow them the freedom to be who they are, where they are at and love them no matter what. Be sincere in your love or you are not like Jesus at all.

4. Let pride, embarrassment, and fear of humiliation fall to the ground. Seek for restoration in all of your family members. Pray for it daily and do all you can do to make restoration happen. Here are award winning restoration tips.

a. Ask for forgiveness. Don’t give yourself any excuses, no matter if you never did anything wrong. Just say, ” I am so sorry for allowing anything to separate us. I miss you and you are valuable to me”.

b. Get to know your family, like you’ve never known them before. Allow them free reign to talk. Loose your opinion and find places to agree. Don’t bring up any subject that could bring a bad outcome. Don’t engage in any subject that causes division. Even if you are put on the spot to engage in a sore subject, opt to be full of grace and compassion towards all. Be a good steward of your attitude and mouth.

c. Serve your family. Become the most valuable asset that they have. Be punctual, trustworthy, hard working, be pure in heart, emotionally sound, encouraging, faithful, counted on, humble and joyful. Make sure, you have a heart willing to serve, at any family gathering.

d. Forgive all. Keep your heart in check with an attitude of genuine love, forgiveness, and gratitude. If you don’t, this will not work.

e. Repent. Repent for allowing offence or division to work in your heart. Pray daily for your heart and the hearts of your family members. Someone has follow Jesus, it needs to be you. As you walk like Jesus walks, others will follow. But, even if you don’t see it in your lifetime, they will follow. God is faithful.

f. Allow this to be your anthem: Romans 12:18 If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.

I believe if you take this little blog seriously, you will have the best outcome possible. Go for the gold. This season have an amazing time, while you build a lifetime of memories with your family.

 

One Simple Act

Never underestimate the power of , one simple act. Last fall, October I believe, I got an idea. It was not the first time I got this idea, but it was the first time that I acted on it. What is that idea, you may be asking? Good question!

The idea, was to do something significant, for children and their families for Christmas. I understand all too well, the heartbreaking pain that parents go through, when they cannot give to their own children on Christmas. It was in my heart to take our band, “We R Family”, and do a benefit concert. Our goal was to raise $2,000.00. We raised $200.00.

I was heart broken. We had worked for 8 weeks, to write, and develop songs to sing. I wanted people’s lives to be radically changed. I wanted the love that was in my heart, to effect all that we were trying help, in a real tangible way. I really felt like we failed. I did not beat myself up, but when I called Rachel, I apologized and said, this is all we have.

She was very kind and gave me some ideas, in regards to the gifts we were going to buy with the money. We chose to donate presents to the families of, “Show-Me Christian Youth Home“. They are located in La Monte, Mo. It is an organization that adopt, or rescue children into this, family based program. It is an amazing organization, that has radically changed children’s lives, with the power, of the love of God.

Raye Ann Lee, the woman I chose to help organize this, and I and our children, had the fun task of picking out gifts for 10 large families. We purchased, wrapped and delivered all of the packages, in December 2013. When we walked into the front door of, “Show-Me Christian Youth Home“, it was as though we were no longer failures, we came with destiny in our hands. I was so overwhelmed, I could barely speak, when asked to speak. The floodgates of a desire to help families, who have not had an easy or perfect start in this world, was unleashed. The realities of, one simple act, was overwhelming and hard to believe.

We stayed for over an hour, loved on everyone, than left. We had, all but forgotten that moment, until yesterday. Raye Ann and her children were at my house. She asked about the families we had given to, and mentioned going to see them. I soon remembered, the hope of going back and all that we had planned to do this year.

After Raye Ann and her children left, my son Daniel went to the mailbox, got the mail and laid it on the table, right in front of me. Understand, he has never laid the mail right in front of me. In the mail, sitting on top, was letters from all of the families that we had given to. I sat and read each letter and cried. I had really felt, we had not reached our goal. But in these letters, I remembered the goal was to love and bring hope. When I read the letters I realized, we not only reached our goal, but we impacted more than 100 people with one simple act.

These were letters from heaven, reminding us, of our goals, dreams, and destinies. Never underestimate the power of, one simple act. It could change the course of multitudes. This is true, believe!

Let Love Win

Almost twenty years ago, I received a call from my step-mom that altered my life forever. It was a call no one would want. It was hard to get beyond the pain.

Finally, the day came, with anger, frustration, and pain, I yelled at God, and said, “if You’re real, You’d better reveal Yourself to me now, or I am out of here.” Instantly, the spirit of God came down and started working on me, my heart, and my life. He gave me a reason to live, and revealed some of the answers to the questions I had been asking.

1.The first thing God showed me was not to blame another person for what was going on in my life. I was the only one who could decide who I was going to be and what decisions I would make. The reason it took me twenty years to get beyond the pain was because I just didn’t believe I was the problem.

2. Many times we create our own pain because of what we don’t do. I was too focused on what I did, that I never even contemplated what I didn’t do. I did not take the time to go over and see my dad, and ask him, “Why do you feel the way that you do?” Instead, I held onto my pain like it was a trophy. When we do this, we not only increase our pain, but we set ourselves up to fail in every relationship we encounter.

3. I needed to see from my dad’s perspective. Freedom from pain can only begin when we allow God to speak openly with us, letting Him reveal our weaknesses to us, then act on what He has shown us. The minute we act on truth, rather than a preconceived notion, we open the door to freedom in our hearts which allowed me to see my dad’s perspective. God gave me the ability to have a deep compassion for my dad and his wife, who had hurt much more than I had believed.

4. To have the greater love, we need to lay down our lives for others. I wanted my dad to love me, but only when that was no longer a goal, did love come in like a flood. My goal has switched. Instead of living to be loved, I now live to give love. With all these truths, one by one over the course of twenty years, I was now on my way to see my dad and Linda.

I spent four short hours with my dad, Linda, and my Aunt Marie, (his sister). It was four hours that continues to change my life for the better. What I received when I walked through those doors was love personified, beyond human imagination. It was completely wrapped in a heavy coat from the armies of heaven with abundance on every side. The hearts of the four of us being healed, and laughter filling the room. Words needed not to be spoken, except, “I love you. Never forget, I have always loved you.”

The story continues but, if you really want to be free from pain, let go of the past and allow your hearts desire be to love, the only way that is worth loving, like Jesus does. Be free from pain this day, and love.

The Book of Daniel 6

In this phase of Daniel’s life, where is he now? He has overcome asthma, harsh treatment from a kindergarten teacher and a system that is imperfect! Where are we now? This story will have a different twist to it, many things were going on in our lives as a family! So in a way, Daniel’s life after going through 6 years of constant, heart breaking battles, a new battle was in full force, yet was hidden behind many, many distractions!

Here is a photo of Daniel, on the far left at his brother, Joshua’s wedding. The look on his face is a very typical, Daniel acting silly look. Where most people’s expressions are way out in front, Daniel’s expression is much more subtle, making the viewer, unsure of what Daniel is doing! That is the art of Daniel, the actor, his expressions keep people questioning!?

At this point, I no longer worked at the horse farm. I was asked by our pastor to bring my horses to the church and place them in the back of the church! He thought that the church folks would like that! It had been in my heart to do horse ministry for years, I felt this was an answer to prayer! Daniel would go out with me, as did all the kids from time to time, and catch field mice while I fed, watered, or worked the horses!

We had moved out of my brother’s house. At that point we decided to rent rather than buy! Quite honestly, owning a home had been such an extreme nightmare, what I had come to realize was, we just needed time for our hearts to heal from all we had gone through in owning a home. The house was in the downtown area of Ovid. Living in downtown Ovid, as someone put it, was living in the country! I really struggled with living in a downtown setting, but it offered a lot of choices for the kids! They could ride bikes, walk to the park, walk to the grocery store, and take our new dog, Luke, for walks.

There was a bowling alley that offered bowling leagues, down the road, that Joshua had signed up for, for one year! Joshua, Daniel and David our nephew was signed up for swimming! Amanda, David’s sister, was signed up too, but she did not stick with it like the boys did, if I remember correctly? Swimming, saved all of our lives on many levels! Derek our oldest son, was into football, basketball, and baseball, so although he always enjoyed swimming, he was too busy to be part of a swim team. Joshua had never been involved in any sport, which was fine by me, he seemed to enjoy this and it was something the three of them could do together!

My sister-in-law, Pam, had told me about the swimming program, I got the information and we were in! Swimming offered a focus that was positive! We all had something positive to look forward too! I would envy the kids in the water and would think, can I be a kid and go swimming too, ha ha ha? David and Joshua were kind to Daniel and really stepped in to help him understand the things to do and not to do! Where Derek had helped Daniel with his education, David and Josh helped him to swim, what locker room to go into, and how to focus on what the teacher was saying!

Daniel really needed to swim, swim and swim! He has so much energy, and putting that energy into swimming, he was forced to focus on what the instructor was saying! They would have him look right at them the whole time, so that he would keep focused! The smaller kids, as they swam down their lane, would have a coach swimming in front of them coaching them the entire time. As time went on, Joshua and David sometimes were able to coach Daniel. To watch a little child in the water, was many times hard for me to do, I struggled with the element of safety! Eventually I was able to breath and watch the harmony of Joshua, David and Daniel in the water together, on a team and shooting for the stars or at least having a blast!

They got to go to swim meets, win ribbons and become a team at something that they all enjoyed! The events that Daniel was able to compete in was the front stroke and back stroke! The children that are small and at a beginning level, get to use the long noodles! It is amazing what they teach these tiny little kids! I would recommend swimming lessons for any child! I did it for the sake of being safe in the water, and having something positive to focus on, but it is good for so many other areas in our lives.

School started and this year I was asked what teacher I would like for Daniel, they had a policy that a parent could request a teacher, if we applied in the spring! I requested the new teacher, she was young, happy and seemed to be so fresh from school that her attitude with small children was as refreshing as the water in the pool. The Ovid Elsie school district, in the years that we were there, offered a two year kindergarten program, so Daniel would be starting his second year of kindergarten.

I was relieved he was going to kindergarten, yet many parents struggled with the two year program. This year his teacher was fun, energetic and pregnant. Daniel had the ability of sitting down now, he had learned how to focus better, talking was now no problem. Hmm, let me say that again, talking was no problem, in fact, our new problem was Daniel was talking, when he was not supposed to, and leaving the classroom without permission.

He was starting down a different road, he was becoming a frequent visitor of the principal’s office. Daniel in an attempt to fit in, due to lack of quality friendships with the kids, became friends with the kids that no one else would talk to! Daniel has always got a kick out of wrong behavior, as does my daughter, they are completely entertained by, bad attitudes and wrong behavior! They think it is hysterical! So Daniel started down a road of mimicking the wrong behavior, his only friend was displaying!

It was the same thing he had always done. When Daniel finds something entertaining, he mimics it! Daniel the actor was coming back, and creating a whole lot of problems for us all! He really did not comprehend that going to the principals office was bad. He did not seem to mind. I think he just thought it was part of school. The teacher was fine with Daniel, but was concerned that Daniel would rather talk, than listen and do school work. They tried everything to get Daniel to respond, but mimicking his friend, was robbing Daniel of an education and bringing Daniel down a new destructive path, one we did not foresee, one that had to be stopped.

To no avail nothing at all seemed to work, so now the thought of homeschooling had a whole new appeal! Homeschooling no longer seemed like something we wanted to do, just for Daniel’s protection emotionally, but also we wanted to see that Daniel excelled in school! The new path he was headed down, was causing him to miss out on an education! Quite honestly, here is what I believe, we all do things that we should not, when we have been severely rejected. Rejection is such a part of our society and human race, yet it destroys not only the recipients of it, but also the ones who rejects!

We all know what it feels like to be rejected! It comes at us on many levels! It is one thing to try out for a football team and be rejected, it is another thing to walk up to someone say,” hello, will you be my friend”, then watch the person roll their eyes, give you a look of disapproval and say no! People say that children are born innocent, the bible says we are born with a sin nature! I have watched small, tiny, babies reject other babies!

Daniel knew he had been the object of scorn, ridicule, and abuse! His coping skill, was to find humor in his day to day life, thus creating a new set of circumstances by which we had to deal with! It is definitively o.k. to laugh and find absurdities hilarious, it is entirely different to use humor as a way of escaping the pain of our current situation. As a parent my heart broke and broke and broke and broke and broke, for all of my children! It seemed as if we were always being torn apart! At the end of the school year I determined to home school Daniel. I did not know what else to do, I did not want him to end up being a trouble maker! So I concluded to give him an education, while trying to teach him how to cope better with the adversity that he faced daily.

I knew God would meet us on this, I just did not know how! He is good, His ways are supreme and I am exponentially grateful for all He has saved us from!