Christmas of Yesterday

I remember, like it was yesterday, my Grandpa Roger aka: Jolly Rog, talking about his longings for yesterday. When he spoke, I thought, ‘you make yesterday seem so tangible, I wish I could’ve been there in that moment in time with you.’
His wife, my Grandma Sue aka: Susy, always made yesterday seem so dream like, with lush greeneries, creeks and her best horse, Pat. The horse that would kneel down, so my grandma could get on.

There’s a type of attitude that ponders, meditates on and rehearses the former things. I’m a person who lives in the moment to the extent, that I rarely have any brain space to contemplate anything, except my current reality. Then, along comes Christmas. Every year at Christmas, the only thing that seems to flood my mind, is yesterday.

It’s been a long, long time since I got to sit down next to my grandparents and hear one of their all consuming stories. It’s been almost as long since I’ve heard the sound of my mom’s voice and her southern twang in all its glory. All of my grandparents, parents, uncles and many aunts have passed on. Those tales have gone silent and yet, I long to close my mouth, just to hear them one more time.

I’m not sure when it first hit me that closing my mouth and listening was better than talking but, it seems when we finally decide to close our mouths the only thing we’re left with, is the sound of silence. We seem to go silent when the ones who we long to hear, are no longer around to tell us their stories. Whether it’s family or friends, we always seem so ready to go on and fight for our right to be heard but, once we get it, it’s not as glorious as it had seemed.

When I was a child, I adored my parents and Grandparents. I didn’t need to be taught those things, that’s just the way that it was. My mom excelled in loving her parents too. Her acts of love towards them couldn’t be contained in within 1,000’s of pages.

I believe we teach our children how to treat their parents, by the way we treat ours. My mom loved and respected her parents and rightfully so. My dad, had respect and love for both of his parents, even though he came from a much different background than my mom’s.

Parents who are deserving of our love are, parents who give up all that they are to bring into this world another life. They are the parents who chose life over death, the ones who make choices for their children out of love, whether it’s popular or not.

My Grandma Susie left my mother in charge of 3 small children every day, while she went shopping or ran errands. As I got older, I used to call her ‘Money Bags’, because she always had money. We would both laugh at the thought of that name but, literally, she never worked and always had money.

My mother, due to being left in charge of her 3 siblings had a unique bond with each of them that could never be severed and, she was one of the most selfless mothers, I’ve ever seen or known to this day. My mother was a mother figure to all children of all ages. She was a rare jewel, a gift. No child ever felt unloved in her presence.

Only knowing my mom as my mother, I assumed all mothers made children feel important, loved and worthy of their time. I’ve learned this isn’t always the case. This is not to say she was perfect or lenient and it’s also not to say I always felt loved. Unfortunately, it wasn’t until she left this earth that I came face to face of the reality of the loss of extraordinary love.

I’m so grateful that I got to see, hear and feel a different reality when I grew up. Make a pot of coffee, sit on your most comfortable chair and let’s experience some of my favorite memories, together for this Christmas.

My Christmas experience started on the day after Thanksgiving, no Black Friday to tear us away from each other, no, no, no. We spent every minute together preparing the way for the next family event.

Watching my mother cook, bake or make anything in the kitchen left us in awe and wonder. We always got to help. We didn’t need titles or invitations, we wanted to be part of the smells, creativity and clean up committee by means of licking spoons, egg beaters or other utensils. My mother and Grandma always kept us engaged and entertained while they whistled and worked.

In our house, my mom and Grandma always made children part of what they were doing. We didn’t have an adults table and children’s table. I never saw that until I was an adult. As children we were never swept off into another room, told to play outside until dark or hushed for talking out of turn. We had a voice and unless, we were being disrespectful, we were always seemingly the reason for my parents and grandparents existence.

My mother used to pick up her sister’s boys, my cousins, almost every weekend, year round, starting with David, until they were teens or off in college. They were treated like our siblings. Family wasn’t an afterthought, dread or sickness, it was everything, an all encompassing experience.

The entire month of December, we were either shopping, wrapping presents, decorating or making special treats. The act of shopping was all part of the wonder. My dad was famous for Christmas Eve shopping extravaganzas. I loved shopping in downtown Lansing, Mi. on Christmas Eve.

My mother used to work at the Knapp’s department store, downtown. It was a glorious store. It was filled with anything that you could think of and the customer service was to be envied. The fragrances of cigar smoke, perfumes, divine foods, candies and pop filled the air. In my Motherland of Michigan, soda is called pop.

In the 60’s my daddy always smelled of leather, Old spice, VO5 and cigarettes. It was a smell that said, ‘I’m with my tougher than tough dad.’ My dad was all heart, class and true grit. Because, he grew up on the wrong side of the tracks in Lansing, MI., he was good friends with some mafia families and forever could out talk any Italian, “Father Guido Sarduchie”, he’d say, in a mofia type accent, then he’d start laughing 😂 hysterically. The stories of staying safe amongst thugs without ever becoming one, was the story of my dad’s life.

My dad held the line and protected the weak, like a hen protects her chicks. He was 100 percent for anyone until they crossed the line of injustice. If anyone did anything that harmed anyone, my dad, Fred Goodknecht, was there to see that justice was served. Nothing broke my dad’s heart more than injustice. How I miss that powerhouse of passion for the innocent.

One time on Christmas Eve, while we were shopping downtown, he looked long and hard at the pocket watches. After a time, he asked the polite sales clerk, whom I believe was the owner, to look at one. As he held the pocket watch in his hands, he began to tell me of a yesterday story about his Grandpa Hank and how much he had always wanted a pocket watch like his. His tall posture became that of a child’s longing for a yesterday that brought him one of the few fond memories of his childhood.

That year, because of that yesterday story from my dad, I, a child of possibly 5-6 years old made sure my daddy got the pocket watch of his dreams. I can still see that pocket watch, smell his after shave, cigarettes and leather and hear his heart and longings for the childhood with his Grandpa Hank.

Anyhow, we’d spend half of Christmas eve shopping, then the rest of Christmas eve wrapping presents and watching Christmas shows. Rudolf was always my favorite Christmas movie when I was growing up. My dad loved watching Christmas movies and special t.v. shows with the Carpenters or Andy Williams, to name a few, with us too.

My mom would be baking up a storm, she made candy, cookies, pies, cakes, cinnamon rolls and tons of other things. Baking was her specialty and my dad even got great at cooking bread one Christmas vacation.

Speaking of vacations, that was one of the times of year that everyone had a vacation. People used to spend time with their families at Christmas. Not just one day but, at our house, for an entire week to 10 days.

We always had out of town family staying with us at Christmas. My mom and dad were great about having people over. Our house was always packed with friends and relatives. Those are the greatest memories of all.

We’ve so lost that welcoming spirit. I remember when I was growing up, one of my mom’s cousin’s wive’s wasn’t interested in the art of hospitality. She seemed all too happy to keep everyone at an arms length away from her doorstep. So sad to miss out on the greatest blessing of all, family.

Not us, our house was full, to overflowing, all of the time. So often I hated it at the time but, now that I’m older, I realize my parents were the coolest for creating a place where everyone felt welcome. I’m so glad my parents actually cared about other people, to the point of inviting people over weekly, sometimes daily.

We grew up with an array of animals that my mom loved on, just as much as she loved on us. I was known for bringing home every stray in the neighborhood. Before I was commissioned to find their homes, we’d love on them, make sure they were well fed and then, when those moments were over, we’d troll the neighborhood looking for their rightful home. Once their homes were found, we’d bid our teary eyed farewell and return home. Often, I’d do this search by myself. I starting rescuing animals when I was all of 5.

My mother always knew what everyone wanted for Christmas. We didn’t give Christmas lists to our parents, we gave them to Santa. I used to think her radar for the perfect gift was a strange phenomena. As I grew older and no other person I knew had that same special gift in my life, l realized what it was about my mom that made her so magical, she listened and cared. If I could wrap up one word that describes yesterday to the world, that word would be care. There was one time many years after the era of my childhood, when my son Derek wanted Burger King. My mom drove Derek and Josh around for miles until they found one. The essence of that act exemplifies the essence of my childhood.

Yesterday, people took time out of their day to talk face to face with others. No one was on Facebook, Instagram or the like, we called people on the phone, wrote long, enduring letters or spoke just dropped in at folks homes.

Yesterday, we purchased Christmas Cards, filled them out and sent them to the ones we loved. We’d save the cards we received and hung them up the following year as a Christmas decoration.

I remember going to people’s houses and looking at all the Christmas cards, it was an awesome sight. I’ve purchased Christmas cards every year, only to be so stuck in the moment, I’d forget to send them or send them after Christmas. I so wish I had the time, my mom had. Maybe this year will be different.

If you notice all these adults, isn’t it interesting which adult that small child was looking at? L-R: Sondra, Phillip, Patrick, Margaret, Kay, Grandma Susie and Grandpa Roger.

I sincerely agree with and long for the yesterday that my Grandparents described. They were born before cars, at a time when without your family or neighbors, you’d probably die. If we live in the country, we get more of a sense of that but, I can tell you I live in the country now and although it’s better than a big city, it’s not the same country feeling that I had as a child.

How grand it would be for the Grandparents like mine to rise and shine and be all we can be. I pray that when we hold our Grandchildren we tell them of a childhood where family was an institution that was held together by love, sincerity and caring.

That we put the wonder back into our worlds. I hope for the goodness, wholesomeness and awesome imperfections of a yesterday, be talked about, empowered from and not forgotten. Time is the only thing in this life we never have enough of. Maybe our yesterday can be the glue that changes our today. Maybe we will get out of our rat race long enough to remember the good part of our yesterday.

Sure, there are many parts of yesterday that needed to change. But, is it wise to scrap our whole history for the 6% that needed to be eradicated. Quite honestly, it takes the good, the bad and the ugly to create a story worth telling. It’s never too late to rewrite our ending. I hope I started mine today.

L-R Freddy, Marie, Richard, Don, Mom, Me, Angie, Tammy and Cammy, Nancy, Grandma G, Nate.

Grandma, Grandpa (Hank) Goodknecht, Gale, Nancy, Marie and dad.

A New Perspective

Hello. It’s been awhile since I shared anything. I write to remember who I am, and who I’m becoming. If my journey helps you, it’ll seem like it wasn’t in vain. I pray as you read this, you will find a new perspective too.

Here is a my new perspective.

Over the last two years I regained the family that I hadn’t had in over 20 years only to then, loose most of them again. As, each one left, I did my best to stop the momentum. I prayed, cried and gave more of myself than I thought was possible. Yet, one by one, they are now gone. For you, who are only now, coming into this blog site, my grandmother Grace (my dad’s mother), Linda Goodknecht (my dad’s wife of 30+ years), and then my dad, died within the last two years. I hadn’t had a close relationship with them in over 20 years.

I can’t begin to describe what I have been through in something as small as a blog. But, I will tell you what I am and who I am becoming.

I can’t go back and change one thing. Over the past 2 years I can without a doubt say, that I gave more than I had to give. I was walking in a supernatural moment of restoration and emotional healing.

Now that they’re gone, should I believe that God is a liar? Should I believe that I made a mistake in grabbing a hold of what is now so painful? What have I learned, and who am I now?

There are many things that I’ve had to face. I had to face my own demons that kept me from my father and family for years. I’ve had to come to terms with the reason that I agreed to being alienated from the family that I loved so much.

By allowing something to happen to us, we agree to those terms. I never did anything to see that change, which means, I agreed to the terms of alienation.

I’ve had to decide who I will be today, while I face much adversity over things that are too painful to put in this blog.

When someone dies, all we have left, is the people left behind. We all have to choose who we are going to be. Will we allow this loss to divide us? Or, will we once and for all, choose a different path?

I’ve had to forgive myself for allowing the ideas and opinions of others, keep me from my dad. He was a  man that I loved my whole life, yet, he never knew how much I loved him until the last 2 years of his life. The cruelest thing a person can do is withhold love from others.

I’ve had to forgive the very people, that have aimed jealousy, animosity, anger, and malice towards me.

I’ve had to live in regret. Regret that I ever doubted that my father loved me, regret that I ever listened to any unkind word spoken about him and, regret that I stayed away from someone I longed to be with for 20 years.

Did you know that unkind words are designed to cause division? Don’t listen to an unkind word about anyone. They are lies meant to keep you from a great relationship. The people who speak unkind words about others are called divisive.

I’ve had to forgive my father and many others for ever believing lies about me.  In order for people to believe that there is anything in my heart for anyone except pure, genuine love, they are believing a lie. Although love takes on many facets, love has always been at the forefront of who I am. Always!

I’ve had to say goodbye to many relationships that were designed to harm me. I believe the best of others, I don’t comprehend a person not loving me, not to mention, bringing harm to me. When that is evident I have to choose, do I stay in a relationship designed to harm me, my children and my world, or do I cut the cord, and forge ahead regardless of the brokenness that I feel?

I’ve learned that I don’t have any time left in my life to waste on futile relationships. If a person doesn’t have my best interest in their hearts, I will always love them but, I will not involve myself too deeply in their attempts to harm me anymore.

Beauty to capture.

I’ve had to surround myself with a safe place of worship, where I’m allowed to let God alone heal me from the inside out.

I don’t doubt any decision that I’ve made over the past two years. For the first time in my life, I see very clearly. I see what is, what was, and what is supposed to be.

I’ve also learned that preparing for our death is something I will be doing within the next few months. I will make sure, beyond any doubt, that my will for the things I’ve worked my entire life for, will be executed to the letter.

The only thing a person has left when they die, is their legacy. When others try to change that, that is the ultimate dishonoring act. I can’t imagine what is in store for the people who dishonor the dead but, I won’t be that person ever.

I have learned to make every second count. I’ve always been like this, but now, I’m cutting out everything that takes me away from what really matters to me.

I’m eating what I want, when I want it. I’m not eating, if I don’t want to. I sit down, when I need to, instead of pushing myself. I breathe fresh air, tumble in piles of snow, have snow ball fights, and make snow angles in the snow. I want to retire as soon as possible and talk, hug, smile and be deeply in love with as many people as I can. I truly love. I see good in everyone and, it’s amazing to fall in love with every living creature we encounter.

I want people to know that they were created for greatness, and to not allow opinions of others to get in their way. I don’t want my children to be plagued with doubts of my love for them anymore.

I want everyone I know to live like they only had 24 hrs. left. I, no longer, push off goals that are important to me. My goal list has gotten shorter and shorter.

My New Perspective: Love others, and get rid of anything that is a distraction from that.

What are you going to do with your next 24 hours?

 

How Can I Help?

What is the proper response to someone hurting? What is the proper response, regardless of the people we meet and the attitudes that they have?

Love, Love, Love

Matthew 22:36-40

³⁶ “Sir, which is the most important command in the laws of Moses?”

³⁷ Jesus replied, “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, and mind.’^38-39 This is the first and greatest commandment. The second most important is similar: ‘Love your neighbor as much as you love yourself.’ 

Let me ask you a question. If your spouse left you, took your children, then, you lost your job, had no place to live and just found out that you had a terminal disease, would you desire advice? Would you?

Why do we feel the need to give advice?

Why do we think that we have the ability to fix anyone?

Our advice only brings more harm to the one who is laying on the ground, with a gaping hole in their heart, as they wonder if they have what it takes to make it one more day.

If you were to notice someone lying on the side of the road, bleeding to death, would you stop and give them advice? I pray that you wouldn’t. I pray that you would call 911 on your cell phone and do whatever emergency methods you may know until an ambulance arrives.

You might even throw in some words of encouragement like,:

*” Hi, my name is Michelle. I’m so sorry you are hurting. Is there anyone I should call?

*Help is on the way. I won’t leave you. You’re going to be alright. Can I get you something?

*Here, let me tie this around your leg to help stop the bleeding. You will be o.k.. I’m here for you. I’m not leaving.

*You’ll be o.k.. It’s alright to feel afraid, but, you’ll be o.k.. I believe we can do this together.

*Wow, you’re a fighter! You’re doing great! They’re almost here. I’m believing you’ll be fine. Do you want me to follow the ambulance?”

Did I give any advice?

We need to stop ourselves from ever giving a hurting person advice and just start loving people, where they are at.

People who are hurting don’t need advice, they need love, support, help, encouragement and a friend who won’t bail on them in the middle of their crisis.

We need to stop trying to fix people and learn how to love them into wholeness.

Love believes the best at all times. Love supports, love helps, love sticks around, love encourages, love gives life and so much more.

If we really have it in our heart to be an answer to someone’s prayer, let’s learn how to love. God doesn’t need us to give hurting people advise, He needs us to get out of His way and be love in a loveless world full of hurting people.

Strategies to Accomplish Your Dreams

What if, I told you that anything that you dream can be accomplished? Anything! What if, I told you that the only reason you are where you are in life is because what you believe is possible? What are your dreams? Do you even remember? Do you want to be a President, doctor, veterinarian, writer, singer, musician, entertainer, preacher, teacher, trainer, coach, Olympian, or something simple like having more peace, feeling safe at night, paying your bills on time, etc. What are your dreams?

I confess that each day I live out a segment of my dream. Am I a millionaire? No, that was never one of my dreams. My dream was to have freedom in my heart, mind, and body. My dream was to love the unlovable. My dream was to enjoy every minute of my life. My dream was to have a husband who loved me. My dream was to have a happy family. My dream was to help others accomplish their dreams. My dream was to see people fall in love with Jesus.

I have many other dreams that I am currently living out and those are just a few. You may think, ‘hmmm, those are easy. I’m happy, my husband loves me, etc.’

Then I have to ask “Are those your deepest dreams?” They were for me.

Here is another one of my dreams, I’ve dreamed of being in the Olympics. You may say, ‘Ha, you’re not in the Olympics.’ You would be right, I’m not. However, I have a horse that I’m currently training and next year we are going to the show. If the Olympics are for me, I will make it there.

Without further ado, I must confess that I could have been living out my dreams at a much earlier age, but was not willing to take on the role that it all depended on me. I believed that others have stopped me. I believed that good would never be part of my life. I believed a lot of self-defeating things that prevented me from attaining my goal and because of it, it has taken almost thirty years to start enjoying the dreams that depended on me, to acquire. Here are the greatest keys for you to unlock your dreams.

1. Allow God to birth in you the dreams that He has for you. Revelation 3:8 I know your deeds. See, I have placed before you an open door that no one can shut. I know that you have little strength, yet you have kept my word and have not denied my name.

2. Write down the vision that God gives you. Habakkuk 2:2 Then the LORD replied: “Write down the revelation and make it plain on tablets so that a herald may run with it.

3. Believe that God only wants good for you. Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

4. Pray daily, hourly or whatever it takes, until the dream begins to unfold. 1 Thessalonians 5:16 Rejoice always, 17 pray without ceasing, 18 give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.

5. Develop a deep relationship with Jesus Christ. Learn how to do anything and everything He tells you, no matter how insignificant or strange it may seem. If He says make a cake for someone, do it. He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him. Hebrews 11:16 And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to Him must believe that He exists and that He rewards those who earnestly seek Him.

6. Be generous in every area of your life. God doesn’t give us dreams to hoard them or lord them over others. He gives them to us for the benefit of all. He has good plans for you. A good plan would involve others being blessed and God getting the credit for the blessing. Luke 3:8 Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together, and running over will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.”

7. Get joyful in all things. God loves joy. Joy is our strength. We need joy to override all the pitfalls that we will face. If we don’t have joy, we won’t succeed. James 1:2 Consider it pure joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, 3 knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance.

8. Here is the last one. It is the best one. Find passion in loving passionately. Do I mean this in a provocative way, yes, if you are married. The two greatest commandments are 1) Love God; 2) Love others. Jesus says when we do that, we’ve done everything else right. Why? Because perfect love, never harms others.

We can only expect good when we know that His plans for us is good and if we are only sowing good. Everything I just listed is good seed to sow. You will reap a harvest of goodness when you sow good seed.

Thank you Lord for seeing our God given dreams and breathing life into them. You are the giver of life. You only give good gifts to your children. Thank you for revealing to us how good you really are. Thank you for birthing in us the faith that it takes to live a life pleasing to you. Give us your dreams and give us the courage to walk out the dreams that you have for us. With you we can do all things, but without you our plans will account for nothing. Make our lives have meaning, value, and account for the goodness in You. Let our passions draw people to you, the giver of good dreams. I love you Jesus, let it be, as in your word. Let the ones who need this encouragement find it today, amen.

Are You Uncomfortable?

I have always been a person who thrived in the uncomfortable. When I was a child, if my muscles weren’t screaming at me, I felt there was something wrong. I am still like that, I woke up this morning to screaming muscles. However, this is not a blog about screaming muscles, it is a blog about a screaming heart.

My heart, when it is connected with the father’s, screams for His body to love one another. I, by my nature, was never a lovey, dovey person. But, when God consumes my heart, I feel his heart breaking for His people. The people who claim to love Him, yet never notice Him when He shows up. He has spoken to me for over 20 years about how people don’t look for him, notice him or expect him to show up. This breaks His heart, so it breaks mine.

I used to wail on the floor, for hours at a time, crying out for people to love Him. I used to ask Him why He would allow me to know this pain. I didn’t ask for that pain, He just handed it to me. It is a pain that won’t go away. It is a pain that drives me to new levels. It is a pain that I have run from many times. But, no matter where I go, the pain of His heart follows me. Here is some of the things Jesus has said to me, to help me understand, how He sees things.

1. “Look at my people Michelle, they don’t even know how to worship me“. He showed me people, at the church I was attending, during a worship service. They all were singing the songs and had their hands lifted in the air. They were doing what they thought to be the right thing to do. But, no one had their hearts engaged, loving the Lord with all their hearts during that song. No one. He showed me empty vessels, with no depth at all.

2. Here is what He said to me, after moving across the country to a church, that was full of His presence. One evening during worship He said,  “don’t think that everyone here loves me”. He continued with, “don’t be deceived, not everyone here worships me”. The pain in my heart, that moment felt like, my heart would explode. Many days and years, my heart has felt like it would explode, for the heart pains of Jesus.

3. Recently when I started to pray at my friend’s church, I was consumed with a brokenness again about how the worship needed to go to another realm. He is broken over our worship, or lack of it.

4. A few years ago Jesus said to me, ” what do you think people would think of someone who attends church 4 days per week, yet has no time for their family”? My first thought was, they would think that person was a hypocrite, a liar, fake, phony, stupid, a joke and the laughing stock of the family.

That one question changed the entire coarse of my life. Here is what He showed me. He showed me the church being like an ant hill, where all these people are going in and out, building onto the hill, yet never venture outside of their own comfort zone. They are always adding sand to the pile, but never venture out into the realm of the unknown.

Here is who Jesus was. He was not a pastor, but was called Rabbi, teacher and other things by His followers. He was not given the privileged to speak by the religious community. He was called a rebel, because He didn’t follow the norm. He went where people were and spoke in ways that changed them. He loved others to the point of severe lack of comfort. We are supposed to live in the uncomfortable, not the norm or comfortable. Here is what has happened to my level of comfort since I changed the path I was walking on.

1. I have lost people out of my circle.

2. I have been both honored and dishonored by many.

3. I have been blessed beyond measure, wherever I place my feet. I have traveled to many places, sometimes with people I don’t know. I have spoke in uncomfortable situations and been very uncomfortable. But, lives were changed for the better because of it.

4. My heart lives in more pain, than I want to know.

5. I have more freedom in my heart to love.

6. I enjoy every minute of my day. I know the plans He has for me and they are good.

7. I have a confident expectation of good, every day.

What is my point? Followers of Christ were designed to walk a path like no one else. A path of love, unity, holiness and righteousness. We are not to believe anything but good about another. We are supposed to come along side others for the point of being stronger. We are supposed to hurt when others hurt, cry when others cry, and laugh when others laugh. We are never to separate ourselves from others, for the point of personal comfort. We are supposed to have an ache in our hearts, for God and others. If we don’t ache for the love of God to be covering this earth, than we need to. Love is an action, not a feeling.

John 15:13 “Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends. 14 “You are My friends if you do what I command you.…

I pray that the will of God be made known to you and that you long to live a life availed to His will. No matter who doesn’t approve. If, we don’t become hearers of God’s voice and continue to believe man’s voice over Gods, we won’t fulfill the reason we were created. You were created to live a life of adventure. Adventures in God. I don’t wake up everyday and tell Him what I am going to do. I wake up and ask Him what He wants me to do. I move my agenda, goals, ideas and longings out of the way and give Him total freedom to interrupt my world. I haven’t always been like this and I have wasted most of my life on petty thinking, goals and ambitions. I pray you find the heart to sincerely chase Him, and allow Him to direct your life. It is uncomfortable but amazing. You’ll be glad you did.

Thanks for reading,

Michelle

Book 5-God Restores

When I asked Jesus what I should write about today. What testimony should I give today, this is what He laid on my heart. He showed me the book of Job over the years many, many, many times. But, because I was so arrogant in the way I approached God, it took me 10 years to see what He was trying to show me. Until the word of God becomes who I am, I know nothing.

The one benefit I have always had, is that I have known that I know nothing for awhile now. The second we think we know something is the same second that we know nothing. I pray right now that you get the revelation that you know nothing. So that, when your heart has the opportunity to know something, then you might become changed.

I want to challenge you to read this entire blog. It is long, yet easy to read and worth every word. Here is a concept that God alone revealed to me in regards to Job. So please be slow to assume and fast to reconsider.

 Job 1:1 There was a man in the land of Uz whose name was Job, and that man was blameless and upright, one who feared God and turned away from evil.

^{Job 1:6} Now there was a day when the sons of God came to present themselves before the Lord, and Satan^[b] also came among them. ⁷ The Lord said to Satan, “From where have you come?” Satan answered the Lord and said, “From going to and fro on the earth, and from walking up and down on it.” ⁸ And the Lordsaid to Satan, “Have you considered my servant Job, that there is none like him on the earth, a blameless and upright man, who fears God and turns away from evil?” ⁹ Then Satan answered the Lord and said, “Does Job fear God for no reason? ¹⁰ Have you not put a hedge around him and his house and all that he has, on every side? You have blessed the work of his hands, and his possessions have increased in the land. ¹¹ But stretch out your hand and touch all that he has, and he will curse you to your face.” ¹² And the Lord said to Satan, “Behold, all that he has is in your hand. Only against him do not stretch out your hand.” So Satan went out from the presence of the Lord.

^{Job 1:18} While he was yet speaking, there came another and said, “Your sons and daughters were eating and drinking wine in their oldest brother’s house, ¹⁹ and behold, a great wind came across the wilderness and struck the four corners of the house, and it fell upon the young people, and they are dead, and I alone have escaped to tell you.”

^{Job 1:20} Then Job arose and tore his robe and shaved his head and fell on the ground and worshiped. ²¹ And he said, “Naked I came from my mother’s womb, and naked shall I return. The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord.”

²² In all this Job did not sin or charge God with wrong.

Remember to read this like you have never heard this story before.

Satan Attacks Job’s Health

2 Again there was a day when the sons of God came to present themselves before the Lord, and Satan also came among them to present himself before the Lord. ² And the Lord said to Satan, “From where have you come?” Satan answered the Lord and said, “From going to and fro on the earth, and from walking up and down on it.” ³ And the Lord said to Satan, “Have you considered my servant Job, that there is none like him on the earth, a blameless and upright man, who fears God and turns away from evil? He still holds fast his integrity, although you incited me against him to destroy him without reason.”⁴ Then Satan answered the Lord and said, “Skin for skin! All that a man has he will give for his life. ⁵ But stretch out your hand and touch his bone and his flesh, and he will curse you to your face.” ⁶ And the Lord said to Satan, “Behold, he is in your hand; only spare his life.”

⁷ So Satan went out from the presence of the Lord and struck Job with loathsome sores from the sole of his foot to the crown of his head. ⁸ And he took a piece of broken pottery with which to scrape himself while he sat in the ashes.

⁹ Then his wife said to him, “Do you still hold fast your integrity? Curse God and die.” ¹⁰ But he said to her, “You speak as one of the foolish women would speak. Shall we receive good from God, and shall we not receive evil?”^[a] In all this Job did not sin with his lips.

Remember read this like you have never seen these words before.

Then for 7 days and 7 nights Job sat with his friends.

3:1 After this Job opened his mouth and cursed the day of his birth.

Then after this one by one Job’s friend started to give him advice. Then let’s see what happens.

Job Replies: My Complaint Is Just

Job Continues: My Life Has No Hope

Bildad Speaks: Job Should Repent

Job Continues: A Plea to God

Zophar Speaks: You Deserve Worse

Job Replies: The Lord Has Done This

Job Continues: Still I Will Hope in God

Job Continues: Death Comes Soon to All

Eliphaz Accuses: Job Does Not Fear God

Job Replies: My Redeemer Lives

Zophar Speaks: The Wicked Will Suffer

Job Replies: The Wicked Do Prosper

Eliphaz Speaks: Job’s Wickedness Is Great

Finally in chaper 38 the Lord responds to 36 chapters of wrong talking, wrong attitudes and wrong thinking. Here is what the Lord says:

The Lord Answers Job

38 Then the Lord answered Job out of the whirlwind and said:

² “Who is this that darkens counsel by words without knowledge?
³ Dress for action^[a] like a man;
    I will question you, and you make it known to me.

⁴ “Where were you when I laid the foundation of the earth?
    Tell me, if you have understanding.
⁵ Who determined its measurements—surely you know!
    Or who stretched the line upon it?
⁶ On what were its bases sunk,
    or who laid its cornerstone,
⁷ when the morning stars sang together
    and all the sons of God shouted for joy?

⁸ “Or who shut in the sea with doors
    when it burst out from the womb,
⁹ when I made clouds its garment
    and thick darkness its swaddling band,
¹⁰ and prescribed limits for it
    and set bars and doors,
¹¹ and said, ‘Thus far shall you come, and no farther,
    and here shall your proud waves be stayed’?

¹² “Have you commanded the morning since your days began,
    and caused the dawn to know its place,
¹³ that it might take hold of the skirts of the earth,
    and the wicked be shaken out of it?
¹⁴ It is changed like clay under the seal,
    and its features stand out like a garment.
¹⁵ From the wicked their light is withheld,
    and their uplifted arm is broken.

¹⁶ “Have you entered into the springs of the sea,
    or walked in the recesses of the deep?
¹⁷ Have the gates of death been revealed to you,
    or have you seen the gates of deep darkness?
¹⁸ Have you comprehended the expanse of the earth?
    Declare, if you know all this.

¹⁹ “Where is the way to the dwelling of light,
    and where is the place of darkness,
²⁰ that you may take it to its territory
    and that you may discern the paths to its home?
²¹ You know, for you were born then,
    and the number of your days is great!

²² “Have you entered the storehouses of the snow,
    or have you seen the storehouses of the hail,
²³ which I have reserved for the time of trouble,
    for the day of battle and war?
²⁴ What is the way to the place where the light is distributed,
    or where the east wind is scattered upon the earth?

²⁵ “Who has cleft a channel for the torrents of rain
    and a way for the thunderbolt,
²⁶ to bring rain on a land where no man is,
    on the desert in which there is no man,
²⁷ to satisfy the waste and desolate land,
    and to make the ground sprout with grass?

²⁸ “Has the rain a father,
    or who has begotten the drops of dew?
²⁹ From whose womb did the ice come forth,
    and who has given birth to the frost of heaven?
³⁰ The waters become hard like stone,
    and the face of the deep is frozen.

³¹ “Can you bind the chains of the Pleiades
    or loose the cords of Orion?
³² Can you lead forth the Mazzaroth^[b] in their season,
    or can you guide the Bear with its children?
³³ Do you know the ordinances of the heavens?
    Can you establish their rule on the earth?

³⁴ “Can you lift up your voice to the clouds,
    that a flood of waters may cover you?
³⁵ Can you send forth lightnings, that they may go
    and say to you, ‘Here we are’?
³⁶ Who has put wisdom in the inward parts^[c]
    or given understanding to the mind?^[d]
37 Who can number the clouds by wisdom?
    Or who can tilt the waterskins of the heavens,
³⁸ when the dust runs into a mass
    and the clods stick fast together?

³⁹ “Can you hunt the prey for the lion,
    or satisfy the appetite of the young lions,
⁴⁰ when they crouch in their dens
    or lie in wait in their thicket?
⁴¹ Who provides for the raven its prey,
    when its young ones cry to God for help,
    and wander about for lack of food?

Keep reading with an open seeing heart:

Job 39 “Do you know when the mountain goats give birth?
    Do you observe the calving of the does?
² Can you number the months that they fulfill,
    and do you know the time when they give birth,
³ when they crouch, bring forth their offspring,
    and are delivered of their young?
⁴ Their young ones become strong; they grow up in the open;
    they go out and do not return to them.

⁵ “Who has let the wild donkey go free?
    Who has loosed the bonds of the swift donkey,
⁶ to whom I have given the arid plain for his home
    and the salt land for his dwelling place?
⁷ He scorns the tumult of the city;
    he hears not the shouts of the driver.
⁸ He ranges the mountains as his pasture,
    and he searches after every green thing.

⁹ “Is the wild ox willing to serve you?
    Will he spend the night at your manger?
¹⁰ Can you bind him in the furrow with ropes,
    or will he harrow the valleys after you?
¹¹ Will you depend on him because his strength is great,
    and will you leave to him your labor?
¹² Do you have faith in him that he will return your grain
    and gather it to your threshing floor?

¹³ “The wings of the ostrich wave proudly,
    but are they the pinions and plumage of love?^[a]
14 For she leaves her eggs to the earth
    and lets them be warmed on the ground,
¹⁵ forgetting that a foot may crush them
    and that the wild beast may trample them.
¹⁶ She deals cruelly with her young, as if they were not hers;
    though her labor be in vain, yet she has no fear,
¹⁷ because God has made her forget wisdom
    and given her no share in understanding.
¹⁸ When she rouses herself to flee,^[b]
    she laughs at the horse and his rider.

¹⁹ “Do you give the horse his might?
    Do you clothe his neck with a mane?
²⁰ Do you make him leap like the locust?
    His majestic snorting is terrifying.
²¹ He paws^[c] in the valley and exults in his strength;
    he goes out to meet the weapons.
²² He laughs at fear and is not dismayed;
    he does not turn back from the sword.
²³ Upon him rattle the quiver,
    the flashing spear, and the javelin.
²⁴ With fierceness and rage he swallows the ground;
    he cannot stand still at the sound of the trumpet.
²⁵ When the trumpet sounds, he says ‘Aha!’
    He smells the battle from afar,
    the thunder of the captains, and the shouting.

²⁶ “Is it by your understanding that the hawk soars
    and spreads his wings toward the south?
²⁷ Is it at your command that the eagle mounts up
    and makes his nest on high?
²⁸ On the rock he dwells and makes his home,
    on the rocky crag and stronghold.
²⁹ From there he spies out the prey;
    his eyes behold it from far away.
³⁰ His young ones suck up blood,
    and where the slain are, there is he.”

Listen to this:

40 And the Lord said to Job:

² “Shall a faultfinder contend with the Almighty?
    He who argues with God, let him answer it.”

And this:

Job Promises Silence

³ Then Job answered the Lord and said:

⁴ “Behold, I am of small account; what shall I answer you?
    I lay my hand on my mouth.
⁵ I have spoken once, and I will not answer;
    twice, but I will proceed no further.”

Check this out:

The Lord Challenges Job

⁶ Then the Lord answered Job out of the whirlwind and said:

⁷ “Dress for action^[a] like a man;
    I will question you, and you make it known to me.
⁸ Will you even put me in the wrong?
    Will you condemn me that you may be in the right?
⁹ Have you an arm like God,
    and can you thunder with a voice like his?

¹⁰ “Adorn yourself with majesty and dignity;
    clothe yourself with glory and splendor.
¹¹ Pour out the overflowings of your anger,
    and look on everyone who is proud and abase him.
¹² Look on everyone who is proud and bring him low
    and tread down the wicked where they stand.
¹³ Hide them all in the dust together;
    bind their faces in the world below.^[b]
14 Then will I also acknowledge to you
    that your own right hand can save you.

¹⁵ “Behold, Behemoth,^[c]
    which I made as I made you;
    he eats grass like an ox.
¹⁶ Behold, his strength in his loins,
    and his power in the muscles of his belly.
¹⁷ He makes his tail stiff like a cedar;
    the sinews of his thighs are knit together.
¹⁸ His bones are tubes of bronze,
    his limbs like bars of iron.

¹⁹ “He is the first of the works^[d] of God;
    let him who made him bring near his sword!
²⁰ For the mountains yield food for him
    where all the wild beasts play.
²¹ Under the lotus plants he lies,
    in the shelter of the reeds and in the marsh.
²² For his shade the lotus trees cover him;
    the willows of the brook surround him.
²³ Behold, if the river is turbulent he is not frightened;
    he is confident though Jordan rushes against his mouth.
²⁴ Can one take him by his eyes,^[e]
    or pierce his nose with a snare?

And this:

^[a] “Can you draw out Leviathan^[b] with a fishhook
    or press down his tongue with a cord?
² Can you put a rope in his nose
    or pierce his jaw with a hook?
³ Will he make many pleas to you?
    Will he speak to you soft words?
⁴ Will he make a covenant with you
    to take him for your servant forever?
⁵ Will you play with him as with a bird,
    or will you put him on a leash for your girls?
⁶ Will traders bargain over him?
    Will they divide him up among the merchants?
⁷ Can you fill his skin with harpoons
    or his head with fishing spears?
⁸ Lay your hands on him;
    remember the battle—you will not do it again!
^9 [c] Behold, the hope of a man is false;
    he is laid low even at the sight of him.
¹⁰ No one is so fierce that he dares to stir him up.
    Who then is he who can stand before me?
¹¹ Who has first given to me, that I should repay him?
    Whatever is under the whole heaven is mine.

¹² “I will not keep silence concerning his limbs,
    or his mighty strength, or his goodly frame.
¹³ Who can strip off his outer garment?
    Who would come near him with a bridle?
¹⁴ Who can open the doors of his face?
    Around his teeth is terror.
¹⁵ His back is made of^[d] rows of shields,
    shut up closely as with a seal.
¹⁶ One is so near to another
    that no air can come between them.
¹⁷ They are joined one to another;
    they clasp each other and cannot be separated.
¹⁸ His sneezings flash forth light,
    and his eyes are like the eyelids of the dawn.
¹⁹ Out of his mouth go flaming torches;
    sparks of fire leap forth.
²⁰ Out of his nostrils comes forth smoke,
    as from a boiling pot and burning rushes.
²¹ His breath kindles coals,
    and a flame comes forth from his mouth.
²² In his neck abides strength,
    and terror dances before him.
²³ The folds of his flesh stick together,
    firmly cast on him and immovable.
²⁴ His heart is hard as a stone,
    hard as the lower millstone.
²⁵ When he raises himself up the mighty^[e] are afraid;
    at the crashing they are beside themselves.
²⁶ Though the sword reaches him, it does not avail,
    nor the spear, the dart, or the javelin.
²⁷ He counts iron as straw,
    and bronze as rotten wood.
²⁸ The arrow cannot make him flee;
    for him sling stones are turned to stubble.
²⁹ Clubs are counted as stubble;
    he laughs at the rattle of javelins.
³⁰ His underparts are like sharp potsherds;
    he spreads himself like a threshing sledge on the mire.
³¹ He makes the deep boil like a pot;
    he makes the sea like a pot of ointment.
³² Behind him he leaves a shining wake;
    one would think the deep to be white-haired.
³³ On earth there is not his like,
    a creature without fear.
³⁴ He sees everything that is high;
    he is king over all the sons of pride.”

This is the point of all of Job and God’s test:

Job’s Confession and Repentance

42 Then Job answered the Lord and said:

² “I know that you can do all things,
    and that no purpose of yours can be thwarted.
³ ‘Who is this that hides counsel without knowledge?’
Therefore I have uttered what I did not understand,
    things too wonderful for me, which I did not know.
⁴ ‘Hear, and I will speak;
    I will question you, and you make it known to me.’
⁵ I had heard of you by the hearing of the ear,
    but now my eye sees you;
⁶ therefore I despise myself,
    and repent^[a] in dust and ashes.”

Job, a righteous man, never knew God. He was the most righteous in all the land and he never knew God. I am here to say that most if not all of us never know God. We know about Him, we may even love Him, but do we know Him?

God allowed Job to lose everything so that Job might find and know God. Here is what happened to Job after He made his final confession to God.

 The Lord Rebukes Job’s Friends

⁷ After the Lord had spoken these words to Job, the Lord said to Eliphaz the Temanite: “My anger burns against you and against your two friends, for you have not spoken of me what is right, as my servant Job has. ⁸ Now therefore take seven bulls and seven rams and go to my servant Job and offer up a burnt offering for yourselves. And my servant Job shall pray for you, for I will accept his prayer not to deal with you according to your folly. For you have not spoken of me what is right, as my servant Job has.” ⁹ So Eliphaz the Temanite and Bildad the Shuhite and Zophar the Naamathite went and did what the Lord had told them, and the Lord accepted Job’s prayer.

The Lord Restores Job’s Fortunes

¹⁰ And the Lord restored the fortunes of Job, when he had prayed for his friends. And the Lord gave Job twice as much as he had before. ¹¹ Then came to him all his brothers and sisters and all who had known him before, and ate bread with him in his house. And they showed him sympathy and comforted him for all the evil^[b] that the Lord had brought upon him. And each of them gave him a piece of money^[c] and a ring of gold.

¹² And the Lord blessed the latter days of Job more than his beginning. And he had 14,000 sheep, 6,000 camels, 1,000 yoke of oxen, and 1,000 female donkeys. ¹³ He had also seven sons and three daughters. ¹⁴ And he called the name of the first daughter Jemimah, and the name of the second Keziah, and the name of the third Keren-happuch. ¹⁵ And in all the land there were no women so beautiful as Job’s daughters. And their father gave them an inheritance among their brothers. ¹⁶ And after this Job lived 140 years, and saw his sons, and his sons’ sons, four generations. ¹⁷ And Job died, an old man, and full of days.

I strongly believe restoration comes when we begin to understand who God is. I would highly recommend reading all of Job slowly. Put yourself in Job’s shoes and ask yourself, have I been like Job? Have I been like one of Job’s friends? Where am I in all this? It is important to judge our own hearts accurately and allow the light of the Holy Spirit to give us the final revelation as to who we are and who we are not. Thank you for sticking to the end. Here are the points that I saw for the first time, when I committed to study it all the way through the end.

1. God sees what we and Satan are doing. He sees and knows all.

2. God considered Job righteous because he obeyed God even though Job never really knew God.

3. Satan has to ask permission from God to touch a righteous person. Satan even tries to manipulate God.

4. God allows us to be tested and go through trials and he knows how we will respond before the time of testing.

5. God stands by and waits for the perfect time to bring forth His presence, wisdom, correction and restoration.

6. Satan is always trying to prove to God that His people only obey so they can receive blessings. Meaning, Satan is trying to prove to God just how shallow we really are and that we are not worthy of His love.

7. When in a crisis it is hard to find a friend that will believe the best of us.

8. God’s plans for us are always good.

9. When Satan can’t get us off track with one tactic, he tries another.

10. God is always in control and is always waiting for us to lean on Him or know Him more.

11. Job never knew God, until He went through this time of great loss and affliction.

12. God was not impressed with Job’s friends.

13. Job was very special to God.

I am sure many other amazing truths can be pulled out of this. But, these are the ones that speak to me. Let your faith arise, God is on the scene, even if He seems far away.

God restores.

I Am Thankful 3

The next person that I would like to give thanks to, is a woman by the name Zina Mastromichalis. I wrote in much detail about her, in my blog post called, The Art of Serving. Zina was the first hairstylist I ever worked for. So you might be asking, “why would you give thanks to Salon Owner”? Good question! Because, Zina was a goal setting, visionary. One day, as she was doing someone’s hair, she asked me,”Michelle, what do you love to do”? I said, ” I love to ride horses”.  Then she asked,”do you have a horse”? I said, “no”. She asked,”why”? Here is where the story continues.

My parents decided to get a divorce when I was 16 years old. We moved out of the country and in with my mom, in an apartment in St. Johns, Mi.. We had to sell all of the horses and the pony Ben. My mom tried to hold onto him, but she could not keep up with the payments, so we lost him too. I was 19 years old and it had been 3 longs years since I had ridden or owned a horse. My parents getting a divorce changed our world and not for the better.

Zina looked at me straight in the face, and with her matter- of- fact attitude said, “why don’t you buy a horse”? My answer was one of pain and agony, I said,” I don’t have the money to buy a horse or take care of one”. This is what she then told me, listen carefully as this was the most simple teaching I had ever heard. She said, ” if I were you this is what I would do. I would find someone who is doing what you want to do, and serve them. Allow them to show you everything they know and learn how they got where they are.”

After she said that very profound statement, my world began the change. She spoke hope into my life that I had never had from anyone else. My grandmother was very sad that I no longer had a horse. She would tell me how she knew I needed one. She once told me, “Shellie Honey, you’re different when you have a horse, you’re totally different. When you have a horse you’re at peace with everything”. When she said that I cried on the other end of the phone, because she was right. Taking a horse away from me, was like removing my ability to breathe. Day by day, my hope continued to die, as I struggled hard to breathe.

My friend’s insight gave me the ability to breathe again. She showed me the way out of the tunnel I had been wandering in. She had ridden a donkey one time in Greece as a child, which was where she was from. Although she did not appreciate the love I had for horses, that did not stop her from trying to help me have what was in my heart. I will always love Zina for her visionary heart, that led me down a new path of freedom. I love you Zie, I hope to find you soon and send this to you.

As I pondered her words, withing a few months, someone new came into our salon requesting that I do his hair. His name was Les, Les Gillie. He owned horses, Arabian horses. The months that he came to that salon, we all heard tales of all of his horses. There was this one horse whom he loved the best, his name was Rainmaker, St. Surs Rainmaker. Everyone talked about that horse. He was a grey Arabian Stallion. My ears would be wide open, as I listened to the tales of Rainmaker. Les had 5 horses, but Rainmaker was the finest of them all.

One day Les became a Christian and proposed to one of the other stylists in our salon, who’s name was Mona. After he proposed to her, he asked me if I would like to buy one of his horses? My heart jumped, leaped, did a back flip, and then stopped. I said, “yes, I would like Rainmaker”. He said, “o.k.”. Now understand, I had never seen Rainmaker. I had only heard of the adventures. Les asked me how much I would be able to pay for a horse? I said, “I don’t really have any money but I will gather some”.

A few weeks later as I was doing hair, Les came over to me and said, “can you afford $150.00”? I asked him, “for what”? Les responded with, “Rainmaker”. He went on to tell me that he had been praying and God had told him to sell him to me for $150.00. Mind you, he had paid over $1,000.00 for the horse and had trained him. I did not heckle the price, I knew that God had opened up his heart for me. That was the price for my new Arabian Stallion. My first one had cost $50.00  and a trade of my dad’s. Now my second one was actually less than the first one, but ironically was at the same farm. Rainmaker was at Whitey Davis’s farm. One thing I have learned, there is no coincidences ever. When we don’t argue with God, great things happen. God took me to the same place to get me started on this path once again.

I agreed to give him the $150.00 and made an appointment to see my new horse. I purchased this horse sight unseen. I had heard about this horse for months, what was there to see? He was the perfect horse for me. My sister went with me to ride him for the first time. When we got there, Les said to me, “Michelle, I had second thoughts of selling you this horse, I think another horse would be better for you. He is a lot of horse to handle, so instead I decided to geld him”. My heart sank, but then when I seen him, it healed quite quickly. My sister Angela and I, took turns riding Rainmaker. I had my horse. Oh and where did the money come from to purchase this horse? Rainmaker was given to me by a friend. This horse cost me nothing. All I did was believe that owning a horse was possible and in a few months, it became my reality. Thank you Les, Mona and my amazing friend for doing what God had put in your heart. Rainmaker was a gem and truly loved. Here is a photo of me and St. Surs Rainmaker, 15 years after my original purchase.

7 Keys to Freedom in Relationships

What if today was your last day to live? What if you had 24 hours left in this life? What would you do? Where would you go? Who would you see? What would you wear? How would you act?

Would you lay on the floor and cry? Would you scream from a mountain top? Would you ride across a desert on a black stallion? Would you drown your sorrows with a bottle of wine as you watched “Gone With the Wind”? What about this? Would you try to be in a major motion picture, You Tube video star, or be on “The Voice”?

Every time someone dies, I am faced with the reality of how important they really were to me. I can’t go back. What is done, is done. It is too late to tell them, how important they really were to me. Why do we feel compelled to withhold love from people? What is this concept all about?

Is it because we fear rejection?

Is it because we don’t want to embarrass ourselves?

Is it because we hold onto grudges?

Is it because we feel they don’t love us?

Why? Why? Why?

I have allowed myself to be robbed of relationships with the people I love.

Why oh why did I do this? These are the questions I ask myself, I don’t always have all the answers.

One time my dad was sitting on the side of his bed in our house. He sat up in his bed and told me a lot things that day. He probably thought I wasn’t listening. I would’ve only been about 13 or 14.

One of the things he said was, “no one can steal anything from you. You have to allow yourself to be robbed.”

He said many other things that day and I oh how I wished I would have listened better. Of all the things he said, this one concept held the most weight to me.

As I look at the loss in my life, I realize, I cannot say, “he did this, or she did that”. I can only say, “I chose this and I chose that.”

The day I meet Jesus, in heaven He will not listen to my excuses as to why I let people leave my life. Not that He is mean. He just doesn’t listen to excuses.

The number 1 things that are important to God is; relationships.

Here is my new approach to each day.

1. Be kind to everyone I meet. I can let people know that I have noticed them. I can say, hi, give hugs, a smile, or a wave.

2. Be prepared to give. I am now equipped to hand out things to people who are important to me. Like cards, food, money, and expression that screams: you are valuable to me.

3. Never expect anything in return from anyone. I know I am blessed, I don’t need anyone to feel they owe me anything. The bible says we are to owe no one anything, except a continual debt of love. It never says anyone owes us anything.

4. Remove all expectation from other people. No longer expect anyone to love back. If someone chooses to love me, that’s great. I have removed my expectation of being loved, by the person whom I love.

5. My goal is to love. Everyone needs it. We will die without it. Why would I withhold it?

6. Free myself from all that stops the motion of love. I will never allow another voice, attitude, or person, to stop me from showing love to the people I love. I can’t protect my heart. That does not work. If I love freely, what can anyone do to me? When I love for the sake of seeing another person receive, then I only become concerned for them. I will choose to see other lives become better.

7. I am able to love, because Jesus loves me. If Jesus loves me, and nothing can separate His love from me, then I can love others.

Let’s review.

I can’t control anyone but me. I can’t be robbed from unless I allow it. Why would I allow it anymore? It doesn’t matter to me their response. It only matters what I do. I can love anyone at anytime, if I allow God to love me enough to let His love flow through me.

When it is my last day, who will people say I am?

Will I be known as a giver, receiver or withholder?

Will I be remembered as someone who extends grace or someone who extends critical attitudes and  judgement?

Who will I choose to be?

I have made my choice.

Better Than Before

 

I want to encourage you today, to ask for your life to be restored. Here is the biblical meaning of the word restore:

 

The Biblical meaning of restoration is to return all things to their previous, pure state. Ancient Hebrew legal definition of restoration was to not only repay what was lost, but to make it better than before. Job received more than he had after his trials.

 

I wrote a song last year called, “Restore”. There was so much controversy over the song, I never finished it. I did however, sing it every week for almost six months. I realize now, how important that song was and still is.

 

Two days ago something happened and has been happening, since I started singing that song. I see, experience, and am living a life, of being restored. Things I never had, I now have. Things I couldn’t imagine, I now see.

 

Good things, great things, wonderful things, amazing things, encouraging things and things in abundance. Things, I don’t expect, yet long for. For instance, while talking to someone the other day, when they said, “goodbye”, I started to cry!

 

I thought they were hanging up, but instead they heard me cry. I could not stop crying! I was relieved, tired, broken and thankful, all at the same time. That, was why I was crying. Later that evening, this person did something very special for me. They called me back, and we were able to discuss things, that had never been discussed.

 

They spent time in doing something, uniquely kind, just for me. Understand, I am not saying cry! I am saying, that when restoration comes, you can be real, transparent, and fearless, knowing that good will come towards you, at the right time, from the right people.

 

This was by far, the best Mother’s Day, I have ever had. I gave more, and received even better. You don’t have to write a song, you just have to ask for what God wants to give you, a restored life. What are you waiting for….? Ask now!

 

The Book of Daniel 2

Here is a photo of Daniel the hair model. What I did not know before we took this photo is, Daniel is not only a great hair model, he would also make an amazing model. He had just finished the 8th grade, and a friend from our church took this well composed photograph.

What you can clearly see here is his perfect skin, and an amazing sense of humor. When this photo was taken, what was inside of Daniel, that had been locked up for years, was just now beginning to be seen by others outside of his family. Let his story be told.

Daniel and I stayed in the hospital for five days. He was fine but I needed more time in the hospital to recover. As a mother, I was determined that no matter what I had been through, my children would have a different life than me. They would know the Jesus I had met, they would love each other, and they would love their parents too. Those were the only goals that I have ever had in my entire life, to know love, give love and walk in love.

Daniel has lily white skin, almost transparent. He had the most amazing light blue eyes, and curly blonde hair when he was a baby.  When he was born he looked like a football player. He was not fat, he was strong, solid, and stout. He had the appearance of a baby wrestler or line backer. He not only looked strong, he was strong, with cat like reflexes. I had never met such a strong baby before. He was also determined in whatever he did. Daniel has always given 100% in whatever he does. His approach to everything is quite different than the rest of the world.

Although Daniel was doing well, I could not feel my hands. I had developed carpel tunnel while being pregnant for Daniel. The overwhelming task of functioning at any level was overwhelming. How do I change a diaper when I can’t feel my hands? Daniel was not bottle fed, so he had to be with me all the time. I could not pass him off to someone, so I could get better. Even if I could pass him off to someone, there was no one to pass him off too. Rob worked all day, and I did not have the money to pay for a full time assistant. We had to figure this out together, one day at a time.

When Daniel had a need, right from the beginning of his life if there was a delay, he would pucker up his bottom lip, and start sobbing. He did not get angry, throw a fit, or demand his own way. No not Daniel. Instead at the tender age of one day old, he would just become broken hearted. Any discerning person would know that this child, not only has transparent looking skin, his heart was transparently visible for all to see, as well. It broke easily and special care was needed to protect what God had placed inside of him.

I became, like all loving mothers, Daniel’s greatest advocate. I watched that anyone who came near him, did not destroy what God had put inside. This was our challenge, this was our passion, to keep safe what God had placed inside of him. His kind and loving heart was his greatest strength, yet his greatest weakness.

He had an amazing smile, and Josh loved him. Josh has always loved babies. Derek, my oldest son, was my greatest source of help while Daniel was a baby. You might say he was my hands in the beginning, for many things that I could not do. At the time, as a child he may have felt robbed, by having to do so many things, but I believe, with everything inside of me, spending time with, and serving our family is one of the greatest gifts in this life. I entrusted Derek to help me in what I struggled to do, because Derek was older and had a great heart. Josh was too young. A seven year old can do, and understand a lot more things than a four year old can.

By the time Daniel was only two months old, our once perfectly healthy child, was being hospitalized. He was two months old and in an oxygen tent. I had never seen an oxygen tent. My baby with fragile skin, and strong body, was being held captive by a big, plastic, see through tent. What was happening to my baby? Why could he not breath? I was told he was perfect? Did they lie to me? What could have happened in two months that would cause this to happen?

The doctors told us they did not know what was wrong with him, but thought he had pneumonia. I sat there as the words came out of their mouths, rehearsing in my mind, other things I had been told over the course of my lifetime by doctors. Please don’t take this the wrong way, as I totally appreciate physicians, but the medical profession as a whole is confusing to me. We want to believe every word they tell us, but in reality, they truly only know a fraction of what could be going on. It is a science that no one knows about fully.

I felt helpless, alone, discouraged, fearful, and desperate! The cycle of bad coming at me and mine was all too familiar, and it needed to go. It kept reappearing, so I determined that sickness would not be the verdict in my life, or my children’s lives. Sickness had to go, being sick was not an option that I would allow! This became my quest, this became my mission, bad go, good come. How does that happen, I would ponder? I am not a quitter, and failing was not an option. I knew that something was wrong with my baby and the doctors could not see what I could. He was sicker than what they seemed to know, and it was not o.k. with me. We just did not know what the sickness was.

I remembered the Jesus that I had met in my living room ten months earlier. Could He help? We needed to find a church, that could help us in finding Jesus again. I had tried finding a church since that day in my living room and to no avail, they all fell short. Is there a church that reveals how to obtain a good life? Can we find Jesus in a church? The only thing I knew, was I needed more of Jesus. I bet He would know what to do with Daniel. My search for a church that Jesus attended became more and more a requirement.

Here is a photo of daddy, (Rob) and Daniel when he was a little baby!!