A New Perspective

Hello. It’s been awhile since I shared anything. I write to remember who I am, and who I’m becoming. If my journey helps you, it’ll seem like it wasn’t in vain. I pray as you read this, you will find a new perspective too.

Here is a my new perspective.

Over the last two years I regained the family that I hadn’t had in over 20 years only to then, loose most of them again. As, each one left, I did my best to stop the momentum. I prayed, cried and gave more of myself than I thought was possible. Yet, one by one, they are now gone. For you, who are only now, coming into this blog site, my grandmother Grace (my dad’s mother), Linda Goodknecht (my dad’s wife of 30+ years), and then my dad, died within the last two years. I hadn’t had a close relationship with them in over 20 years.

I can’t begin to describe what I have been through in something as small as a blog. But, I will tell you what I am and who I am becoming.

I can’t go back and change one thing. Over the past 2 years I can without a doubt say, that I gave more than I had to give. I was walking in a supernatural moment of restoration and emotional healing.

Now that they’re gone, should I believe that God is a liar? Should I believe that I made a mistake in grabbing a hold of what is now so painful? What have I learned, and who am I now?

There are many things that I’ve had to face. I had to face my own demons that kept me from my father and family for years. I’ve had to come to terms with the reason that I agreed to being alienated from the family that I loved so much.

By allowing something to happen to us, we agree to those terms. I never did anything to see that change, which means, I agreed to the terms of alienation.

I’ve had to decide who I will be today, while I face much adversity over things that are too painful to put in this blog.

When someone dies, all we have left, is the people left behind. We all have to choose who we are going to be. Will we allow this loss to divide us? Or, will we once and for all, choose a different path?

I’ve had to forgive myself for allowing the ideas and opinions of others, keep me from my dad. He was a  man that I loved my whole life, yet, he never knew how much I loved him until the last 2 years of his life. The cruelest thing a person can do is withhold love from others.

I’ve had to forgive the very people, that have aimed jealousy, animosity, anger, and malice towards me.

I’ve had to live in regret. Regret that I ever doubted that my father loved me, regret that I ever listened to any unkind word spoken about him and, regret that I stayed away from someone I longed to be with for 20 years.

Did you know that unkind words are designed to cause division? Don’t listen to an unkind word about anyone. They are lies meant to keep you from a great relationship. The people who speak unkind words about others are called divisive.

I’ve had to forgive my father and many others for ever believing lies about me.  In order for people to believe that there is anything in my heart for anyone except pure, genuine love, they are believing a lie. Although love takes on many facets, love has always been at the forefront of who I am. Always!

I’ve had to say goodbye to many relationships that were designed to harm me. I believe the best of others, I don’t comprehend a person not loving me, not to mention, bringing harm to me. When that is evident I have to choose, do I stay in a relationship designed to harm me, my children and my world, or do I cut the cord, and forge ahead regardless of the brokenness that I feel?

I’ve learned that I don’t have any time left in my life to waste on futile relationships. If a person doesn’t have my best interest in their hearts, I will always love them but, I will not involve myself too deeply in their attempts to harm me anymore.

Beauty to capture.

I’ve had to surround myself with a safe place of worship, where I’m allowed to let God alone heal me from the inside out.

I don’t doubt any decision that I’ve made over the past two years. For the first time in my life, I see very clearly. I see what is, what was, and what is supposed to be.

I’ve also learned that preparing for our death is something I will be doing within the next few months. I will make sure, beyond any doubt, that my will for the things I’ve worked my entire life for, will be executed to the letter.

The only thing a person has left when they die, is their legacy. When others try to change that, that is the ultimate dishonoring act. I can’t imagine what is in store for the people who dishonor the dead but, I won’t be that person ever.

I have learned to make every second count. I’ve always been like this, but now, I’m cutting out everything that takes me away from what really matters to me.

I’m eating what I want, when I want it. I’m not eating, if I don’t want to. I sit down, when I need to, instead of pushing myself. I breathe fresh air, tumble in piles of snow, have snow ball fights, and make snow angles in the snow. I want to retire as soon as possible and talk, hug, smile and be deeply in love with as many people as I can. I truly love. I see good in everyone and, it’s amazing to fall in love with every living creature we encounter.

I want people to know that they were created for greatness, and to not allow opinions of others to get in their way. I don’t want my children to be plagued with doubts of my love for them anymore.

I want everyone I know to live like they only had 24 hrs. left. I, no longer, push off goals that are important to me. My goal list has gotten shorter and shorter.

My New Perspective: Love others, and get rid of anything that is a distraction from that.

What are you going to do with your next 24 hours?

 

It’s Time

I’m a person who asks many questions and am one who can’t turn a blind eye to anything. Now, more than ever the lines of right and wrong are getting blurred, and people desiring gray rather than black or white. Why?

Why are we comfortable with walking by people who hurt, as though they don’t exist?Why, when we hear of children being sold into sex slavery, do we finish chewing our food, swallow it and then continue with our appetites? Why are will still enraged by slavery of yesterday but, won’t lift a finger to stop the slavery of today?

Who have we become?

Why have we allowed the voice of racism to rise above truth? Hatred knows no boundaries and has no limits. When we become blind in any one color, or cause, whether we’re for or against, we become part of the problem. I’m neither for or against any color. I’m for the creator of all color and all of His creation is good.

Why is it easier to hate than love? Why do we fuel fires instead of putting them out? Why do we excuse ourselves for the same behavior we despise in others? When will we grow tired of our own hypocrisy?

Why do we believe that loving others applies only to the ones we like? Why do we long to be noticed and admired by our peers? Why do we constantly brag about every little detail of our small existence? Who are we really trying to impress? Isn’t talking about the good that surrounds us, much more praise worthy?

Why are our children still killing themselves? Why do drugs or addictions still have an attractive nature to the young and restless? Why would we ever bully others into wrong choices?

It’s time to face things and make a change

It’s time to love

It’s time for our battle cry to cry for someone else

It’s time for our hearts to change

It’s time for the weak to be strong

It’s time for families to unite

It’s time for the hungry to be fed

It’s time for justice to prevail

It’s time!

Offence, is it a Means to an End?

Lately, I hear in the news about people being offended. For the last few years the subject of being offended seems to be the topic of many conversations. It is a topic in church, in the media, at home, in the work place, and our government. Why does this thing called “offense” have so much control over our world?

This blog will neither be super-spiritual nor super-opinionated. It will be factual, informative, thought-provoking, and hopefully you will get a clearer view about the topic of offense.

More than twenty years ago, after living the life of a person destoyed by offense, I sat in our little church of 300 and heard a viewpoint that began to change my life. I heard that offense was a tool to control me. I heard that offense was ugly in nature and its entire desire was to divide relationships, work places, churches, families, and nations. I also heard that it was wrong for a person to ‘take offense.’ By ‘taking offense,’ we place ourselves in a bad position. We willfully decide to believe something bad about another person, situation, attitude, or the like. In addition to believing bad about another, we also choose to inflict pain on ourselves by ‘being offended’.

Here is an example. Let’s say that you pay me for my advice. I give it to you. You don’t like the advice but, instead of disregarding the advice, you decide to disregard me instead. When we become offended, we actually become offensive. In order to be offended, one of the keys is that we must believe someone is actually doing us harm, wrong, and injustice and with bad intentions. It places us in a position of declaring accusations against another. Is this really who we want to be? Doesn’t this mean that the offended person actually committed the exact same scenario that they claim that their offender has?

Why would we ever believe that our actions are any less wrong than the ones we have accused of being offensive? Why? Because, we are too close to be objective. That is the point of hearing pastors, friends, clergy, therapists, spouses, family members, and co-workers. If someone gives a point of view and our gut reaction is ouch, that usually indicates one of two things. It means we either need to look at ourselves and see if we need to change or it means that the other person just was a little off. That’s all. It doesn’t mean we should become offended, feel bad, point fingers, sulk, lash out, change laws, or make picket signs. The solution is so much easier than that.

So what should we do when we begin to feel “offence” coming over us?

1. If you believe in God, I would recommend reading about Jesus and His walk to the cross. He was beaten beyond human recognition, made fun of, spit on, and had his flesh ripped off his body by the people He loved the most. He didn’t get offended. He expected it. Read how He felt about these people. You can find these accounts in the latter part of Matthew, Mark, John and Luke, in the New Testament of the Bible.

2. If you don’t believe in God, I would reflect on what I’ve written today and ask yourself a few questions. A) Do I want to see myself as someone better than the other person and point fingers at them, putting myself on the same plain as they are? Or B) Maybe, just maybe, can I just consider that they are different than me and that’s okay?

3. Make a list of the pro’s and con’s of being offended. Does lining up a defense against others really serve as a justifiable solution?

4. Make a list of the character of the person, place, or thing that you want to be offended at. Does what you want to think, line up with facts?

5. Who will be harmed the most if you choose to be offended? Will it be the other person, place, or thing? Or will it be you? I’ve seen people go to the grave hating a person. Being offended can destroy your life. Do you really want to do that?

6. Solution: Write a letter that you wished the person, place, or thing would read. Be specific. Don’t leave out any details of your point of view. If you’re angry, let it out. If you’re sad, put that in. If you feel betrayed, put that in your letter. Then after you’ve written the letter, read the letter. If you want, show the letter to God and ask Him to bring justice to the situation, burn the letter, and walk away. If you don’t believe He is real, burn the letter, and burn out any residue of bad feelings towards the recipient of the letter. Forgive and let it go.

7. This is for the extra milers. Allow God to change your heart so that you never offend anyone. If we really hate being offended so much, shouldn’t we be what we don’t hate? Shouldn’t we become an example of how people need not get offended? Shouldn’t we give extra grace, extra encouragement, extra favor, and extra forgiveness to the ones who don’t deserve it?

Again to restate my position. Please, don’t get offended by my pointing to God. That would destroy the point of this. But rather understand, God has proven to be faithful to all that I recommend. After my pastor in our little church of 300 spoke his little sermon, I had to go home and reflect on all of his words. I had to do further investigation for decades to prove what he said would work. I used to allow offense to cripple me. I was more than a wounded warrior, I was an emotional cripple. I drank to subdue the pain that I willingly chose to keep in my heart. I had a victim mentality and walked around holding on to every offense. Did I run people down, probably? Did, I publicly slam people? Yes. I believed that I had a right to take matters into my own hands with the ones who did harm to me. I was not a coward, ever. I would face the ugliest of offenders. I had many people do real harm to me intentionally, yet, because I chose to hold onto the pain, I did the greatest harm to myself.

God can free you from all of your wounds, pains, injustices, and hurts. But you can also continue to re-inflict yourself if you don’t forgive and let it go. Offense doesn’t work. We are supposed to be able to handle things we don’t agree with or like professionally and objectively. Getting rid of people or opinions that we don’t agree with will never solve our problems. The problem isn’t them, it’s us. It’s our perspective that is offensive. It is we who need to change. Removing offenses will only enable us to become a greater cripple. Shouldn’t we all long for our own personal freedom, rather than telling the world they need to accommodate our personal preferences?

I hope you long for your personal freedom as I did for decades. I wished someone would have slapped me until I understood what I’m writing today. People tried, but I wouldn’t listen. Finally, after destroying most of my life, I allowed God and His word to break through. Let love win by not being offended. Don’t be the wounded warrior that inflicts pain on others and then justify our actions. No! Let offense change who we are. Let it go and be free.

Strategies to Accomplish Your Dreams

What if, I told you that anything that you dream can be accomplished? Anything! What if, I told you that the only reason you are where you are in life is because what you believe is possible? What are your dreams? Do you even remember? Do you want to be a President, doctor, veterinarian, writer, singer, musician, entertainer, preacher, teacher, trainer, coach, Olympian, or something simple like having more peace, feeling safe at night, paying your bills on time, etc. What are your dreams?

I confess that each day I live out a segment of my dream. Am I a millionaire? No, that was never one of my dreams. My dream was to have freedom in my heart, mind, and body. My dream was to love the unlovable. My dream was to enjoy every minute of my life. My dream was to have a husband who loved me. My dream was to have a happy family. My dream was to help others accomplish their dreams. My dream was to see people fall in love with Jesus.

I have many other dreams that I am currently living out and those are just a few. You may think, ‘hmmm, those are easy. I’m happy, my husband loves me, etc.’

Then I have to ask “Are those your deepest dreams?” They were for me.

Here is another one of my dreams, I’ve dreamed of being in the Olympics. You may say, ‘Ha, you’re not in the Olympics.’ You would be right, I’m not. However, I have a horse that I’m currently training and next year we are going to the show. If the Olympics are for me, I will make it there.

Without further ado, I must confess that I could have been living out my dreams at a much earlier age, but was not willing to take on the role that it all depended on me. I believed that others have stopped me. I believed that good would never be part of my life. I believed a lot of self-defeating things that prevented me from attaining my goal and because of it, it has taken almost thirty years to start enjoying the dreams that depended on me, to acquire. Here are the greatest keys for you to unlock your dreams.

1. Allow God to birth in you the dreams that He has for you. Revelation 3:8 I know your deeds. See, I have placed before you an open door that no one can shut. I know that you have little strength, yet you have kept my word and have not denied my name.

2. Write down the vision that God gives you. Habakkuk 2:2 Then the LORD replied: “Write down the revelation and make it plain on tablets so that a herald may run with it.

3. Believe that God only wants good for you. Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

4. Pray daily, hourly or whatever it takes, until the dream begins to unfold. 1 Thessalonians 5:16 Rejoice always, 17 pray without ceasing, 18 give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.

5. Develop a deep relationship with Jesus Christ. Learn how to do anything and everything He tells you, no matter how insignificant or strange it may seem. If He says make a cake for someone, do it. He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him. Hebrews 11:16 And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to Him must believe that He exists and that He rewards those who earnestly seek Him.

6. Be generous in every area of your life. God doesn’t give us dreams to hoard them or lord them over others. He gives them to us for the benefit of all. He has good plans for you. A good plan would involve others being blessed and God getting the credit for the blessing. Luke 3:8 Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together, and running over will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.”

7. Get joyful in all things. God loves joy. Joy is our strength. We need joy to override all the pitfalls that we will face. If we don’t have joy, we won’t succeed. James 1:2 Consider it pure joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, 3 knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance.

8. Here is the last one. It is the best one. Find passion in loving passionately. Do I mean this in a provocative way, yes, if you are married. The two greatest commandments are 1) Love God; 2) Love others. Jesus says when we do that, we’ve done everything else right. Why? Because perfect love, never harms others.

We can only expect good when we know that His plans for us is good and if we are only sowing good. Everything I just listed is good seed to sow. You will reap a harvest of goodness when you sow good seed.

Thank you Lord for seeing our God given dreams and breathing life into them. You are the giver of life. You only give good gifts to your children. Thank you for revealing to us how good you really are. Thank you for birthing in us the faith that it takes to live a life pleasing to you. Give us your dreams and give us the courage to walk out the dreams that you have for us. With you we can do all things, but without you our plans will account for nothing. Make our lives have meaning, value, and account for the goodness in You. Let our passions draw people to you, the giver of good dreams. I love you Jesus, let it be, as in your word. Let the ones who need this encouragement find it today, amen.

Enjoy the Rainbows

I had another name for this blog a week ago, but I don’t remember what it was. This will be short as I don’t have time to elaborate. I promised everyone I would write a post over a week ago and I have been on overload for a few months now and each day seems to keep me busy until I wake up and do it again. Without further a due, here goes.

When people see me today, the person I am, they believe this is who I’ve always been. In many ways they are right. I’ve always had a heart for people, animals and harmony. I longed to see harmony in all things my whole life. But, the way I went about doing things to create harmony when I was younger looked nothing like the way I go about bringing it forth today.

I used to think that everything depended on me changing things. I now know that everything depends on me being changed. Let me say that again. I used to think everything depended on me changing things. I now know that everything depends on me being changed. Or, me being the change. I pray this helps you.

I have many regrets because I lacked vision, wisdom and foresight. Many of you don’t realize that you will regret tomorrow by what you are doing today. Why? Because, you lack what I lacked then. We all lack vision to a degree, when we only see our limited view, our perspective, limited by our experiences. Today, if I could go back 30 years, this is what I would say to me, in this order.

Michelle this may sound strange, weird or off the wall. But, because I know the outcome of your choices, if you really want, what you really want, here is how you go about getting what your really want.

1. Find Jesus. Don’t settle for someone else’s opinion or experience of Him. You find Him and don’t stop until you do. Make finding Jesus and living in His presence your number 1 ambition.

2. Get over yourself. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and treat others like you want to be treated. The pity parties need to go, once and for all. They are your number one weakness. Get rid of them now.

3. Respect your parents. Do for them, more than they’ve done for you. Respect your elders. If someone is 10 seconds older than you respect them. Don’t get offended by anything they do. It will cause you more detriment than you’re prepared to deal with.

4. Above all things, spend time with your family. Put your ambitions in a waste basket, catch them on fire if need be and put a date on the calendar every month to visit a family member. Include everyone you know and search out the ones you don’t know. Find out where you are from and embrace your heritage.

5. Find a church that exalts Jesus. Go often, but not all the time. Don’t look for people in the church to replace the family that you wished you had. Meaning, because you hardly see your family. Be, the family that they wished they had, as you become a better family member yourself.

6. Serve everyone you meet in the giftings and talents that you have. Smile often, but shake hands and hug even more. Don’t promise something that you can’t deliver on. But, make promises and keep them when you make them.

7. Don’t date until your mature enough to get married. When you do, be choosy, selective and don’t even date anyone who is self centered. If they aren’t your best friend, move on in grace and be patient until your best friend shows up.

8. Enjoy every minute of your life. Not by being selfish, by enjoying every minute..the good, bad and ugly. Enjoy your life, it’s the only one you have.

9. Show love to all. Put away all criticism and realize we all are one minute away from loosing it.

10. Pray for everyone you meet, even if for 30 seconds. Believe the best and be prepared for the worst.

11. Let your children see the love of God in you above all else. Nothing else matters in this life except the love of God. Make that available to your children no matter what you face. Don’t be so hard on yourself…no one can be a perfect anything. Make love your ambition and you’ll never fail.

12. Breathe. Forgive yourself. Cry. Laugh. Believe. Hope. Endure. Scream. Breathe.

13. Enjoy the rainbows. God will give you many rainbows to remind you that He never forgets His promises. All of your dreams will come true and when they do, remember who brought them about. It wasn’t ever your dream to begin with. It was His. He wants His dreams for you to come true. Enjoy the rainbows.

Book 5-God Restores

When I asked Jesus what I should write about today. What testimony should I give today, this is what He laid on my heart. He showed me the book of Job over the years many, many, many times. But, because I was so arrogant in the way I approached God, it took me 10 years to see what He was trying to show me. Until the word of God becomes who I am, I know nothing.

The one benefit I have always had, is that I have known that I know nothing for awhile now. The second we think we know something is the same second that we know nothing. I pray right now that you get the revelation that you know nothing. So that, when your heart has the opportunity to know something, then you might become changed.

I want to challenge you to read this entire blog. It is long, yet easy to read and worth every word. Here is a concept that God alone revealed to me in regards to Job. So please be slow to assume and fast to reconsider.

 Job 1:1 There was a man in the land of Uz whose name was Job, and that man was blameless and upright, one who feared God and turned away from evil.

^{Job 1:6} Now there was a day when the sons of God came to present themselves before the Lord, and Satan^[b] also came among them. ⁷ The Lord said to Satan, “From where have you come?” Satan answered the Lord and said, “From going to and fro on the earth, and from walking up and down on it.” ⁸ And the Lordsaid to Satan, “Have you considered my servant Job, that there is none like him on the earth, a blameless and upright man, who fears God and turns away from evil?” ⁹ Then Satan answered the Lord and said, “Does Job fear God for no reason? ¹⁰ Have you not put a hedge around him and his house and all that he has, on every side? You have blessed the work of his hands, and his possessions have increased in the land. ¹¹ But stretch out your hand and touch all that he has, and he will curse you to your face.” ¹² And the Lord said to Satan, “Behold, all that he has is in your hand. Only against him do not stretch out your hand.” So Satan went out from the presence of the Lord.

^{Job 1:18} While he was yet speaking, there came another and said, “Your sons and daughters were eating and drinking wine in their oldest brother’s house, ¹⁹ and behold, a great wind came across the wilderness and struck the four corners of the house, and it fell upon the young people, and they are dead, and I alone have escaped to tell you.”

^{Job 1:20} Then Job arose and tore his robe and shaved his head and fell on the ground and worshiped. ²¹ And he said, “Naked I came from my mother’s womb, and naked shall I return. The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord.”

²² In all this Job did not sin or charge God with wrong.

Remember to read this like you have never heard this story before.

Satan Attacks Job’s Health

2 Again there was a day when the sons of God came to present themselves before the Lord, and Satan also came among them to present himself before the Lord. ² And the Lord said to Satan, “From where have you come?” Satan answered the Lord and said, “From going to and fro on the earth, and from walking up and down on it.” ³ And the Lord said to Satan, “Have you considered my servant Job, that there is none like him on the earth, a blameless and upright man, who fears God and turns away from evil? He still holds fast his integrity, although you incited me against him to destroy him without reason.”⁴ Then Satan answered the Lord and said, “Skin for skin! All that a man has he will give for his life. ⁵ But stretch out your hand and touch his bone and his flesh, and he will curse you to your face.” ⁶ And the Lord said to Satan, “Behold, he is in your hand; only spare his life.”

⁷ So Satan went out from the presence of the Lord and struck Job with loathsome sores from the sole of his foot to the crown of his head. ⁸ And he took a piece of broken pottery with which to scrape himself while he sat in the ashes.

⁹ Then his wife said to him, “Do you still hold fast your integrity? Curse God and die.” ¹⁰ But he said to her, “You speak as one of the foolish women would speak. Shall we receive good from God, and shall we not receive evil?”^[a] In all this Job did not sin with his lips.

Remember read this like you have never seen these words before.

Then for 7 days and 7 nights Job sat with his friends.

3:1 After this Job opened his mouth and cursed the day of his birth.

Then after this one by one Job’s friend started to give him advice. Then let’s see what happens.

Job Replies: My Complaint Is Just

Job Continues: My Life Has No Hope

Bildad Speaks: Job Should Repent

Job Continues: A Plea to God

Zophar Speaks: You Deserve Worse

Job Replies: The Lord Has Done This

Job Continues: Still I Will Hope in God

Job Continues: Death Comes Soon to All

Eliphaz Accuses: Job Does Not Fear God

Job Replies: My Redeemer Lives

Zophar Speaks: The Wicked Will Suffer

Job Replies: The Wicked Do Prosper

Eliphaz Speaks: Job’s Wickedness Is Great

Finally in chaper 38 the Lord responds to 36 chapters of wrong talking, wrong attitudes and wrong thinking. Here is what the Lord says:

The Lord Answers Job

38 Then the Lord answered Job out of the whirlwind and said:

² “Who is this that darkens counsel by words without knowledge?
³ Dress for action^[a] like a man;
    I will question you, and you make it known to me.

⁴ “Where were you when I laid the foundation of the earth?
    Tell me, if you have understanding.
⁵ Who determined its measurements—surely you know!
    Or who stretched the line upon it?
⁶ On what were its bases sunk,
    or who laid its cornerstone,
⁷ when the morning stars sang together
    and all the sons of God shouted for joy?

⁸ “Or who shut in the sea with doors
    when it burst out from the womb,
⁹ when I made clouds its garment
    and thick darkness its swaddling band,
¹⁰ and prescribed limits for it
    and set bars and doors,
¹¹ and said, ‘Thus far shall you come, and no farther,
    and here shall your proud waves be stayed’?

¹² “Have you commanded the morning since your days began,
    and caused the dawn to know its place,
¹³ that it might take hold of the skirts of the earth,
    and the wicked be shaken out of it?
¹⁴ It is changed like clay under the seal,
    and its features stand out like a garment.
¹⁵ From the wicked their light is withheld,
    and their uplifted arm is broken.

¹⁶ “Have you entered into the springs of the sea,
    or walked in the recesses of the deep?
¹⁷ Have the gates of death been revealed to you,
    or have you seen the gates of deep darkness?
¹⁸ Have you comprehended the expanse of the earth?
    Declare, if you know all this.

¹⁹ “Where is the way to the dwelling of light,
    and where is the place of darkness,
²⁰ that you may take it to its territory
    and that you may discern the paths to its home?
²¹ You know, for you were born then,
    and the number of your days is great!

²² “Have you entered the storehouses of the snow,
    or have you seen the storehouses of the hail,
²³ which I have reserved for the time of trouble,
    for the day of battle and war?
²⁴ What is the way to the place where the light is distributed,
    or where the east wind is scattered upon the earth?

²⁵ “Who has cleft a channel for the torrents of rain
    and a way for the thunderbolt,
²⁶ to bring rain on a land where no man is,
    on the desert in which there is no man,
²⁷ to satisfy the waste and desolate land,
    and to make the ground sprout with grass?

²⁸ “Has the rain a father,
    or who has begotten the drops of dew?
²⁹ From whose womb did the ice come forth,
    and who has given birth to the frost of heaven?
³⁰ The waters become hard like stone,
    and the face of the deep is frozen.

³¹ “Can you bind the chains of the Pleiades
    or loose the cords of Orion?
³² Can you lead forth the Mazzaroth^[b] in their season,
    or can you guide the Bear with its children?
³³ Do you know the ordinances of the heavens?
    Can you establish their rule on the earth?

³⁴ “Can you lift up your voice to the clouds,
    that a flood of waters may cover you?
³⁵ Can you send forth lightnings, that they may go
    and say to you, ‘Here we are’?
³⁶ Who has put wisdom in the inward parts^[c]
    or given understanding to the mind?^[d]
37 Who can number the clouds by wisdom?
    Or who can tilt the waterskins of the heavens,
³⁸ when the dust runs into a mass
    and the clods stick fast together?

³⁹ “Can you hunt the prey for the lion,
    or satisfy the appetite of the young lions,
⁴⁰ when they crouch in their dens
    or lie in wait in their thicket?
⁴¹ Who provides for the raven its prey,
    when its young ones cry to God for help,
    and wander about for lack of food?

Keep reading with an open seeing heart:

Job 39 “Do you know when the mountain goats give birth?
    Do you observe the calving of the does?
² Can you number the months that they fulfill,
    and do you know the time when they give birth,
³ when they crouch, bring forth their offspring,
    and are delivered of their young?
⁴ Their young ones become strong; they grow up in the open;
    they go out and do not return to them.

⁵ “Who has let the wild donkey go free?
    Who has loosed the bonds of the swift donkey,
⁶ to whom I have given the arid plain for his home
    and the salt land for his dwelling place?
⁷ He scorns the tumult of the city;
    he hears not the shouts of the driver.
⁸ He ranges the mountains as his pasture,
    and he searches after every green thing.

⁹ “Is the wild ox willing to serve you?
    Will he spend the night at your manger?
¹⁰ Can you bind him in the furrow with ropes,
    or will he harrow the valleys after you?
¹¹ Will you depend on him because his strength is great,
    and will you leave to him your labor?
¹² Do you have faith in him that he will return your grain
    and gather it to your threshing floor?

¹³ “The wings of the ostrich wave proudly,
    but are they the pinions and plumage of love?^[a]
14 For she leaves her eggs to the earth
    and lets them be warmed on the ground,
¹⁵ forgetting that a foot may crush them
    and that the wild beast may trample them.
¹⁶ She deals cruelly with her young, as if they were not hers;
    though her labor be in vain, yet she has no fear,
¹⁷ because God has made her forget wisdom
    and given her no share in understanding.
¹⁸ When she rouses herself to flee,^[b]
    she laughs at the horse and his rider.

¹⁹ “Do you give the horse his might?
    Do you clothe his neck with a mane?
²⁰ Do you make him leap like the locust?
    His majestic snorting is terrifying.
²¹ He paws^[c] in the valley and exults in his strength;
    he goes out to meet the weapons.
²² He laughs at fear and is not dismayed;
    he does not turn back from the sword.
²³ Upon him rattle the quiver,
    the flashing spear, and the javelin.
²⁴ With fierceness and rage he swallows the ground;
    he cannot stand still at the sound of the trumpet.
²⁵ When the trumpet sounds, he says ‘Aha!’
    He smells the battle from afar,
    the thunder of the captains, and the shouting.

²⁶ “Is it by your understanding that the hawk soars
    and spreads his wings toward the south?
²⁷ Is it at your command that the eagle mounts up
    and makes his nest on high?
²⁸ On the rock he dwells and makes his home,
    on the rocky crag and stronghold.
²⁹ From there he spies out the prey;
    his eyes behold it from far away.
³⁰ His young ones suck up blood,
    and where the slain are, there is he.”

Listen to this:

40 And the Lord said to Job:

² “Shall a faultfinder contend with the Almighty?
    He who argues with God, let him answer it.”

And this:

Job Promises Silence

³ Then Job answered the Lord and said:

⁴ “Behold, I am of small account; what shall I answer you?
    I lay my hand on my mouth.
⁵ I have spoken once, and I will not answer;
    twice, but I will proceed no further.”

Check this out:

The Lord Challenges Job

⁶ Then the Lord answered Job out of the whirlwind and said:

⁷ “Dress for action^[a] like a man;
    I will question you, and you make it known to me.
⁸ Will you even put me in the wrong?
    Will you condemn me that you may be in the right?
⁹ Have you an arm like God,
    and can you thunder with a voice like his?

¹⁰ “Adorn yourself with majesty and dignity;
    clothe yourself with glory and splendor.
¹¹ Pour out the overflowings of your anger,
    and look on everyone who is proud and abase him.
¹² Look on everyone who is proud and bring him low
    and tread down the wicked where they stand.
¹³ Hide them all in the dust together;
    bind their faces in the world below.^[b]
14 Then will I also acknowledge to you
    that your own right hand can save you.

¹⁵ “Behold, Behemoth,^[c]
    which I made as I made you;
    he eats grass like an ox.
¹⁶ Behold, his strength in his loins,
    and his power in the muscles of his belly.
¹⁷ He makes his tail stiff like a cedar;
    the sinews of his thighs are knit together.
¹⁸ His bones are tubes of bronze,
    his limbs like bars of iron.

¹⁹ “He is the first of the works^[d] of God;
    let him who made him bring near his sword!
²⁰ For the mountains yield food for him
    where all the wild beasts play.
²¹ Under the lotus plants he lies,
    in the shelter of the reeds and in the marsh.
²² For his shade the lotus trees cover him;
    the willows of the brook surround him.
²³ Behold, if the river is turbulent he is not frightened;
    he is confident though Jordan rushes against his mouth.
²⁴ Can one take him by his eyes,^[e]
    or pierce his nose with a snare?

And this:

^[a] “Can you draw out Leviathan^[b] with a fishhook
    or press down his tongue with a cord?
² Can you put a rope in his nose
    or pierce his jaw with a hook?
³ Will he make many pleas to you?
    Will he speak to you soft words?
⁴ Will he make a covenant with you
    to take him for your servant forever?
⁵ Will you play with him as with a bird,
    or will you put him on a leash for your girls?
⁶ Will traders bargain over him?
    Will they divide him up among the merchants?
⁷ Can you fill his skin with harpoons
    or his head with fishing spears?
⁸ Lay your hands on him;
    remember the battle—you will not do it again!
^9 [c] Behold, the hope of a man is false;
    he is laid low even at the sight of him.
¹⁰ No one is so fierce that he dares to stir him up.
    Who then is he who can stand before me?
¹¹ Who has first given to me, that I should repay him?
    Whatever is under the whole heaven is mine.

¹² “I will not keep silence concerning his limbs,
    or his mighty strength, or his goodly frame.
¹³ Who can strip off his outer garment?
    Who would come near him with a bridle?
¹⁴ Who can open the doors of his face?
    Around his teeth is terror.
¹⁵ His back is made of^[d] rows of shields,
    shut up closely as with a seal.
¹⁶ One is so near to another
    that no air can come between them.
¹⁷ They are joined one to another;
    they clasp each other and cannot be separated.
¹⁸ His sneezings flash forth light,
    and his eyes are like the eyelids of the dawn.
¹⁹ Out of his mouth go flaming torches;
    sparks of fire leap forth.
²⁰ Out of his nostrils comes forth smoke,
    as from a boiling pot and burning rushes.
²¹ His breath kindles coals,
    and a flame comes forth from his mouth.
²² In his neck abides strength,
    and terror dances before him.
²³ The folds of his flesh stick together,
    firmly cast on him and immovable.
²⁴ His heart is hard as a stone,
    hard as the lower millstone.
²⁵ When he raises himself up the mighty^[e] are afraid;
    at the crashing they are beside themselves.
²⁶ Though the sword reaches him, it does not avail,
    nor the spear, the dart, or the javelin.
²⁷ He counts iron as straw,
    and bronze as rotten wood.
²⁸ The arrow cannot make him flee;
    for him sling stones are turned to stubble.
²⁹ Clubs are counted as stubble;
    he laughs at the rattle of javelins.
³⁰ His underparts are like sharp potsherds;
    he spreads himself like a threshing sledge on the mire.
³¹ He makes the deep boil like a pot;
    he makes the sea like a pot of ointment.
³² Behind him he leaves a shining wake;
    one would think the deep to be white-haired.
³³ On earth there is not his like,
    a creature without fear.
³⁴ He sees everything that is high;
    he is king over all the sons of pride.”

This is the point of all of Job and God’s test:

Job’s Confession and Repentance

42 Then Job answered the Lord and said:

² “I know that you can do all things,
    and that no purpose of yours can be thwarted.
³ ‘Who is this that hides counsel without knowledge?’
Therefore I have uttered what I did not understand,
    things too wonderful for me, which I did not know.
⁴ ‘Hear, and I will speak;
    I will question you, and you make it known to me.’
⁵ I had heard of you by the hearing of the ear,
    but now my eye sees you;
⁶ therefore I despise myself,
    and repent^[a] in dust and ashes.”

Job, a righteous man, never knew God. He was the most righteous in all the land and he never knew God. I am here to say that most if not all of us never know God. We know about Him, we may even love Him, but do we know Him?

God allowed Job to lose everything so that Job might find and know God. Here is what happened to Job after He made his final confession to God.

 The Lord Rebukes Job’s Friends

⁷ After the Lord had spoken these words to Job, the Lord said to Eliphaz the Temanite: “My anger burns against you and against your two friends, for you have not spoken of me what is right, as my servant Job has. ⁸ Now therefore take seven bulls and seven rams and go to my servant Job and offer up a burnt offering for yourselves. And my servant Job shall pray for you, for I will accept his prayer not to deal with you according to your folly. For you have not spoken of me what is right, as my servant Job has.” ⁹ So Eliphaz the Temanite and Bildad the Shuhite and Zophar the Naamathite went and did what the Lord had told them, and the Lord accepted Job’s prayer.

The Lord Restores Job’s Fortunes

¹⁰ And the Lord restored the fortunes of Job, when he had prayed for his friends. And the Lord gave Job twice as much as he had before. ¹¹ Then came to him all his brothers and sisters and all who had known him before, and ate bread with him in his house. And they showed him sympathy and comforted him for all the evil^[b] that the Lord had brought upon him. And each of them gave him a piece of money^[c] and a ring of gold.

¹² And the Lord blessed the latter days of Job more than his beginning. And he had 14,000 sheep, 6,000 camels, 1,000 yoke of oxen, and 1,000 female donkeys. ¹³ He had also seven sons and three daughters. ¹⁴ And he called the name of the first daughter Jemimah, and the name of the second Keziah, and the name of the third Keren-happuch. ¹⁵ And in all the land there were no women so beautiful as Job’s daughters. And their father gave them an inheritance among their brothers. ¹⁶ And after this Job lived 140 years, and saw his sons, and his sons’ sons, four generations. ¹⁷ And Job died, an old man, and full of days.

I strongly believe restoration comes when we begin to understand who God is. I would highly recommend reading all of Job slowly. Put yourself in Job’s shoes and ask yourself, have I been like Job? Have I been like one of Job’s friends? Where am I in all this? It is important to judge our own hearts accurately and allow the light of the Holy Spirit to give us the final revelation as to who we are and who we are not. Thank you for sticking to the end. Here are the points that I saw for the first time, when I committed to study it all the way through the end.

1. God sees what we and Satan are doing. He sees and knows all.

2. God considered Job righteous because he obeyed God even though Job never really knew God.

3. Satan has to ask permission from God to touch a righteous person. Satan even tries to manipulate God.

4. God allows us to be tested and go through trials and he knows how we will respond before the time of testing.

5. God stands by and waits for the perfect time to bring forth His presence, wisdom, correction and restoration.

6. Satan is always trying to prove to God that His people only obey so they can receive blessings. Meaning, Satan is trying to prove to God just how shallow we really are and that we are not worthy of His love.

7. When in a crisis it is hard to find a friend that will believe the best of us.

8. God’s plans for us are always good.

9. When Satan can’t get us off track with one tactic, he tries another.

10. God is always in control and is always waiting for us to lean on Him or know Him more.

11. Job never knew God, until He went through this time of great loss and affliction.

12. God was not impressed with Job’s friends.

13. Job was very special to God.

I am sure many other amazing truths can be pulled out of this. But, these are the ones that speak to me. Let your faith arise, God is on the scene, even if He seems far away.

God restores.

Book 1-God Transforms

I am going to posting some faith building scriptures, testimonies and teachings on healing. I strongly appose the idea of being sick, the mere thought of sickness its-self needs to be demolished. As I was starting to write to my friend, the idea came to me that others might want more faith for the battle they face. I am not trying to convince anyone to join a church or religion. I will simply be posting scriptures and testimonies that I have lived and experienced as truth. Testimonies that I have lived and my beliefs that got me the reward of healing and a life of goodness.

No advice column, t.v. show, friend, family member, co-worker, magazine article, pastor, worship leader, religion, teacher, adviser, psychologist, mentor, therapist or church saved me. I would like to add for the skeptics, I employed all those listed and much more for 11 years wanting to be different and have peace, wholeness and goodness in my life. Nothing worked, until I met Jesus face to face.

Jesus, the son of the true living God saved my life.

Here is my 1st faith building testimony. I had lost everything, money, position, dream job, career, family, friends, relationships, marriage, home, dog, things and could only see my 2 beautiful sons 3.5 days per week. My two sons were the only thing I had and  could see them only part-time. I could no longer plan a birthday party on their birthdays. Every holiday was a reminder of what I had lost. When my children left my house to go to their dads, I would cry until they came back and then smile, so they didn’t know of the hole in my heart.

I tried my best to make their new life as painless as possible, I didn’t want them to worry about me. After my mom died, months into this new life, and my dad was out of my life 100%, I no longer wanted to live. I didn’t want to do harm to myself, I just didn’t want to live this life anymore. I had tried to read a bible to make some sense out of things but, couldn’t. I tried hard to find God beyond all this pain and couldn’t. Almost one year after my mom died and less than two months after my dad left, I held up the bible that I couldn’t read and said, “God if you are real, you had better reveal yourself to me now, or I am outta here”!

I sat down with my bible and began to cry. I opened up the book of Matthew, and as I started to look at the words, they jumped off the page with life. It was as though Jesus was sitting on the couch with me, saying every word to me. I asked questions about what it said and He answered. For once, life had a meaning and He gave me a reason to not only live, but to live for Him.

He wasn’t mean, condescending, hateful, judgmental, critical or the like. He also wasn’t a marshmallow, ooozing with sappy love. He was compassionate, loving, kind, generous, forthright, convicting to the core and the love He showed me was indescribable. It is a love that says I am for you and nothing you do will make me change my mind. Which was a love I had never known. All the love I had seen in humans was contingent on unwritten rules. All of God’s rules are written and one of His rules is he will never leave or forsake us.

Deuteronomy 31:6 Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.”

After the book of Matthew was read and discussed, I danced around my apartment and turned on Christian radio and continued to dance. No camera’s, no one was watching, just me, Jesus and the host of heaven were having a celebration of a new life. My life that instant was changed. This was the first day, that I knew I had met Jesus face to face. He showed me what real was. Real can’t be seen with our human eyes, it can be seen by our spiritual eyes. He comes and transforms our heart, mind and body in an instant. God is real and a miracle worker. The first miracle I will document, is the miracle of meeting Jesus face to face. No special prayers, no congregation, no pastor, no divine worker, I demanded, He responded. Someone asked me, not long ago, why me?

I can only say, I don’t know all of the thoughts of God, but I do know this:
Jeremiah 29:12′ Then you will call upon Me and come and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. 13 You will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart. 14 ‘I will be found by you,’ declares the LORD, ‘and I will restore your fortunes and will gather you from all the nations and from all the places where I have driven you,’ declares the LORD, ‘and I will bring you back to the place from where I sent you into exile.’

I know that everything I do, I put ALL of my heart into it. Sometimes we have to go through a process of removing clutter from our hearts so that all of our heart is available to God and God alone. I was ready to avail my ALL…I have chanted His name every day since that event.

Book 3-God Reveals

I am writing books to encourage a friend of mine who has been diagnosed with cancer. These are faith building books. Let your faith arise. Share this. Like this. Let’s together allow faith to rise in us for the impossible. Let’s destroy the works of sickness, disease and all destroying things together. In Jesus name.

It was a Tuesday. My mother used to visit me every Wednesday to take care of my two oldest boys. I was a single mom and she wanted to help. She had to come Tuesday, that week. She came to the salon first. I thought it would be a day like every other day. I was wrong.

I caught the view of my mom’s van as she pulled up. My eyes gazed into the sun as she got out of her van. In an instant my view went into slow-motion. I opened and closed my eyes many, many times but, the slow-motion continued. Then, like a microscope I could see my mother was sick and laboring in what she was doing. I ran to the door to help her as my mind raced, questioning how I could know this information? Was I just super smart, super noticing, super aware? Even if, I answered yes to all those questions…slow motion?? How did that happen?

I begged my mom to sit down and allow me to do something for her but, she could not get comfortable. It never occurred to me to call 911. So, maybe I wasn’t super smart. After she left the salon, she went to my house. I told her to do nothing but, play with the boys, as she always cleaned my house. I couldn’t shake what I felt on the inside of me. I knew she was not o.k., but who do I tell what I had seen?

A few hours later she called and said she was going home. I pleaded with her to stay the night. On my way home that night, I could not shake the eerie feeling I had in the pit of stomach. When I turned left on my street I noticed 3 ambulances. I knew they were there for my mother. She had been having a heart attack for hours and didn’t know it.

This story is long, too long to write in full detail. I quickly made arrangements for the boys and spent the next 5 days at the hospital. No one seemed to notice how sick my mom was, except me. I knew she was real sick and couldn’t get anyone to listen. They treated her like she was fine and was going to recover. I kept telling Rob, “my mom isn’t o.k.”! Still, no one believed. I saw and knew what I had seen was not of this world but, didn’t understand fully what was going on.

On the fifth day, as Rob and I left the hospital, my mom said, “Ggggoooodddd-bbbyyyyeeee yyyyy’aaaallll”. It happened again, as she waved and spoke, everything went in slow motion. While Rob and I was walking out of the building a voice said, ” you will never see your mom again“.
I didn’t run home and pray or run back into the room and pray. I did nothing on the outside that was visual to anyone. I had all this going on the inside of me, not knowing what to do. I was out of my league and felt hopeless. At 11:00 p.m. I got a call, I knew before I answered the call who was calling. Yes, my mom had another heart attack.

Why am I writing this? I believe that God sends warnings, signals, caution signs, red flags, stop signs, yield signs, turn around signs and usually we don’t comprehend it was God or most don’t even see the signs. He is talking, He is talking, He is talking! Are we listening? If we hear, do we know what to do? I can honestly say my lack of understanding cost me a lot. The bible says if it costs you EVERYTHING get understanding. I can honestly say it has cost me everything to even begin to understand and still, is anyone listening?

I became obsessive about the things of God so that another life would not be lost, due to me not knowing the signs. I have been rejected, laughed at, ignored, and had every wicked thing said about me. But, despite all those things, I will continue to seek His truth that reveals more than my own truth.

I will also add, I was not attending a church, I was not in any knowing relationship with God. I believe in going to church. But, my point is God is speaking to us, where we are at, wherever that may be. I have felt for years like I wasn’t the proverbial ‘good enough’ for God to talk to me or for me to hear Him. I have heard it preached from pulpits and talked about in the ladies room, about the haves and have nots of anointing, prophesy and giftedness. That is why I am emphasizing and will continue to emphasize my lack of everything that is considered esteemed. I didn’t ask to see. I had no training, yet God came down and revealed something to me. For He alone get’s all the fame.

God reveals but are we listening. God reveals but do we know what to do? God reveals, but are we too locked up to respond correctly? God reveals, but have we put God in a box? God reveals, but does it not fit our personality, likes, dislikes, comfort zones? God reveals, have we allowed ourselves to pay a price for understanding? When I lost everything and continue to loose everything, I begin to allow the uncomfortable to be the comfort of choice. God reveals.

God Is Not Usual

I’m writing for my friend who has been diagnosed with cancer. This blog is about my own experience with an unusual God. I hope this builds your faith in the unusual.

Here is where this story starts. We were living in GrandBlanc, Michigan. I had three boys, Derek, Joshua and Daniel. My mother had died a few years prior to this and my son Daniel had been diagnosed with asthma. I had heard that God could remove disease, sickness and even raise people from the dead. I had always been a, shoot for the stars, kinda gal. I decided that I wanted to be able to see healing. I already knew what sickness and death looked like.

I had read many books on healing and was devouring the bible, like most people devour food and drinks. My sons and I would worship the Lord through songs and pray daily during these summer months off. My son Derek, was obedient, faithful, and had an amazing heart for God. I would usually have Derek help with prayer.

Many days, I felt so isolated and defeated. We were broke financially. We lived in a broken down house where everything else was breaking. No phone, car, internet, vcr or any luxury item.

I tried so hard to have faith. At the end of each day, I questioned who I was, why I was, and if Daniel’s health would ever change? Did I want too much? Did I think more highly of myself than I ought? Who was I to believe God would do anything for me? Regardless of my mental, physical, emotional or spiritual state of being, I had decided I would do whatever it took to see Daniel recover. I wanted him free from any medication or breathing difficulty.

One of the things I would do daily is fill my house with worship songs, Christian music and prayer. One day, like many we did things to build our faith. I told Derek and Joshua to worship and when I gave the word, we would start praying for healing. I asked the boys if they had anything they wanted God to do. Derek said that he wanted the planters ward removed from the bottom of his foot.

When he made this unusual request, I thought ‘hmmm, how is God gonna remove a wart?” Yep, that was me, super logical. Our human logic can kill our faith.

We had probably been worshiping in song for about 20 minutes, then I started to pray with words, not singing. I was just about ready to tell Derek that we needed to start praying for healing and he said, “mom look, God numbed my foot so that I could remove the wart!”My thoughts were, ‘say what?’

As I opened my eyes and began to focus in on his foot, I saw a large deep hole, no blood, and free from any wart. Understand, when I was a child I had years worth of medical treatment for wart removal and I’m glad they’re gone. But, the procedure wasn’t pain free or blood free.

This was the most unusual thing I had ever witnessed. My mind couldn’t believe it but, my heart began to sing. I grabbed Derek and Josh and said, “let’s worship some more!” God is good! We may have even jumped up and down for awhile, like people do when they’re favorite team is winning.

I learned a very valuable lesson that day, God is not usual. He can do whatever He wants, in the manner in which he wants to do it. Never, would I have ever imagined that He would supernaturally infuse numbness into a limb, so that we could do surgery, never! My son believed it was possible and acted on what he believed. We will always act on what we believe. I pray that we believe in the unusual.

This photo reminds me of the energy and attitude of Derek and Josh. God heard their energetic and playful hearts and responded to them. I’m grateful for childlike hearts more than you’ll ever know.

I also want to add, no preacher, minister, priest, theologian, divine healer, or any person with scores of godliness prayed for my son. We did. A seven year old boy believed in an unusual God. He believed his mom who said, “God heals.” His mind and heart were open to anything, and anything became our reality.

God is not limited by anything except what we believe. But, I have lived to receive when I didn’t ask, or expect. He has proven time and time again that He can do, whatever He pleases. He pleases to see us well.

I pray for your faith in the unusual to arise. Don’t limit God by your religion, experience, mind sets, comfort zones, schedules, goals, time slots, routines and the like. Get free from any mindset that keeps you from the hand of God. I can’t guarantee what He will do for you, but I can guarantee it won’t be usual. I serve a supernatural God, why would I think that anything He does is usual?

Isaiah 55:8  “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the Lord!

The Moment That I Woke Up Things Began to Change

Over the last 3 years, I have been on a journey. I have had to stop the direction I was headed and was forced to take another route. My health was failing and my body needed a solution that was real. During these times of rest and extreme overhaul of my habits, I have had many encounters with God. I am going to be as honest and transparent as I can be. Here is the beginning of my journey.

At the time that my symptoms started I was working 7 days a week, attending church four days a week and volunteering 1-4 days per week as well. I was physically drained, emotionally weak, and I felt like a failure most of the time. Nothing that I was doing was producing real life. In fact, although many great things were happening in a spiritual realm, it was only skin deep.

One day I clearly heard the Lord say, ” I never called you to be the sacrifice”. I stopped, pondered, considered and contemplated those words. I realized in minutes that I had become that old Michelle, who can outwork anyone with a smile on her face. Why, because I felt driven that God was not enough to make me something of real value, that I had to work harder than anyone to be, who He called me to be. So, I started saying no to things and making different choices.

Here is what He was showing me about me.

1. I had lost my joy. Not all, but some.

2. I had lost my focus. My focus should be on Him, not on people’s opinions of Him or of me.

3. I needed to give some attention to the symptoms I was having. I needed to wake up and notice what was going on with me.

4. I needed to fall on my face and repent for not having enough faith, that He knew what He was doing in me, for me and through me.

5. Jesus is all I need.

The next word of correction that I heard was about Facebook. The Lord said to me, “who are you posting those things for”? I said, “people who don’t go to my church”. He then said, “they don’t want to see any of that. Michelle, why don’t you post what they would want to see”. I preceded to remove everything off my Facebook page regarding my church, church service, God encounters, testimonies, scriptures, and Jesus inspiring posts. I then posted a photo of our family. In seconds my family and friends from around the world started liking my post. I was saddened that I had been so clueless.

Here are the points He started to show me in regards to posting things on Facebook.

1. Post things that your audience would be interested in, that says who you are too. Like for me, that is health, nutrition, horses, education, family, faith, outdoors, music, exercise, animals, children, skating, Christmas….etc. Before He showed me this, I only posted things about my church, and only God posts. I appeared one dimensional, aka-super religious.

2. Make your posts positive and encouraging.

3. Make your posts interesting.

4. Make your posts inspired by God, yet not overly spiritual.

5. Make your posts see into the heart of God through who you are, not what you say.

6. He made me see, how religious and cold I appeared to the world, all the while my fellow church goers loved what I posted. That was not my goal. My goal was not to become popular with my peers. My goal was to reveal the heart of God to others.

7. My posts should not be super religious, convicting, or boastful of my God activities. They should be revealing that God loves us and that I agree with loving others too.

Until we reach the unchurched what are we doing?

Lord help us to see.

He continued to show me the pride and arrogance in us, when we only see our perspective, or the perspective of our peers. He clearly showed me how, if any holy spirit activity, or church activity, made me feel better about myself than others, I was way off base. Here is a great scripture to reflect on.

^{Luke 18:11} The Pharisee stood and prayed thus with himself, God, I thank thee, that I am not as other men are, extortioners, unjust, adulterers, or even as this publican.

¹² I fast twice in the week, I give tithes of all that I possess.

¹³ And the publican, standing afar off, would not lift up so much as his eyes unto heaven, but smote upon his breast, saying, God be merciful to me a sinner.

¹⁴ I tell you, this man went down to his house justified rather than the other: for every one that exalteth himself shall be abased; and he that humbleth himself shall be exalted.

The 3rd thing that He deposited in me was the concept of humility. I have been on a twenty year process of humility. Sincerely, I thought I was O.K. in that department. I found out, I wasn’t. Here are my thoughts on humility. When we are humble we possess these characteristics.

1. We are eager to listen and learn from anyone, especially from people of a lower position.

2. We remove the idea that arrival is possible, obtainable or the goal. The goal is total reliance on God to achieve anything. We can only boast on His abilities. This is not condemnation, this is humility.

3. We look for the good in others and are drawn to others because of the goodness we see in them.

4. We long to be like children, simple in heart, submissive in attitude.

5. When asked to do something we are grateful that we are available for the task.

6. There is no task too low for us to do.

7. We don’t carry comparison charts.

8. We do esteem others higher than ourselves.

9. We don’t feel the need to correct, talk, show, tell, help, advise or re-align anyone, except ourselves.

10. We give everyone the benefit of any doubt.

Here is the last thing that I will discuss today. One day the Lord said to me, “Michelle, what do you think people would think of someone who attends church 4 days per week, but has no time for other people. “Other people”, would be children, spouse, co-workers, neighbors, friends, and family from around the world. As I sat and pondered that question, I started to cry and truly hated what I had become. I realized what a mess I had become and that my walk with Jesus would never be seen because, my priorities were wrong.

Here are the priorities I am striving for now.

1. Take care of my relationship with God.

2. Take care of me.

3. Take care of my relationships with the people I live with, my children, family, and friends around the world.

4. Be friendly, approachable, and full of joy daily. Pursue my God given assignments with joy in and out of my house.

5. Notice, notice, notice others.

7. Give my all, in all that I do. But, not to the detriment of myself.

8. Attend my church and be faithful to it and God.

My goal in writing this is to bring illumination to the wrong direction that I was headed, fully convinced I was going in the right direction. I am not here to judge you. I pray that what was shown to me, may reveal things that you may need to alter. I write this with a broken heart, that in my zeal, like Paul, I missed the mark.

Since I have started implementing these basic truths I feel the entire world opening up for me. I get approached by strangers everywhere I go. I have been asked to give my testimony many times and pray for tons of people. Why? I put away my religious ways and put their needs above my own. I don’t need to talk about Jesus to feel important, I get to talk about Him with people who long to hear about Him.

I pray this gets us started on a different course of balance and vitality with purpose. You have a call on your life. Your call is to be the best you that God can design. It is a call that produces all the gifts of the spirit, flowing in love and normal living. I can honestly say, that had I not changed I don’t know where I would be? But, because I did change, everything in my life is getting better than I could have imagined, including my health.

May you start your journey this day.