Christmas of Yesterday

I remember, like it was yesterday, my Grandpa Roger aka: Jolly Rog, talking about his longings for yesterday. When he spoke, I thought, ‘you make yesterday seem so tangible, I wish I could’ve been there in that moment in time with you.’
His wife, my Grandma Sue aka: Susy, always made yesterday seem so dream like, with lush greeneries, creeks and her best horse, Pat. The horse that would kneel down, so my grandma could get on.

There’s a type of attitude that ponders, meditates on and rehearses the former things. I’m a person who lives in the moment to the extent, that I rarely have any brain space to contemplate anything, except my current reality. Then, along comes Christmas. Every year at Christmas, the only thing that seems to flood my mind, is yesterday.

It’s been a long, long time since I got to sit down next to my grandparents and hear one of their all consuming stories. It’s been almost as long since I’ve heard the sound of my mom’s voice and her southern twang in all its glory. All of my grandparents, parents, uncles and many aunts have passed on. Those tales have gone silent and yet, I long to close my mouth, just to hear them one more time.

I’m not sure when it first hit me that closing my mouth and listening was better than talking but, it seems when we finally decide to close our mouths the only thing we’re left with, is the sound of silence. We seem to go silent when the ones who we long to hear, are no longer around to tell us their stories. Whether it’s family or friends, we always seem so ready to go on and fight for our right to be heard but, once we get it, it’s not as glorious as it had seemed.

When I was a child, I adored my parents and Grandparents. I didn’t need to be taught those things, that’s just the way that it was. My mom excelled in loving her parents too. Her acts of love towards them couldn’t be contained in within 1,000’s of pages.

I believe we teach our children how to treat their parents, by the way we treat ours. My mom loved and respected her parents and rightfully so. My dad, had respect and love for both of his parents, even though he came from a much different background than my mom’s.

Parents who are deserving of our love are, parents who give up all that they are to bring into this world another life. They are the parents who chose life over death, the ones who make choices for their children out of love, whether it’s popular or not.

My Grandma Susie left my mother in charge of 3 small children every day, while she went shopping or ran errands. As I got older, I used to call her ‘Money Bags’, because she always had money. We would both laugh at the thought of that name but, literally, she never worked and always had money.

My mother, due to being left in charge of her 3 siblings had a unique bond with each of them that could never be severed and, she was one of the most selfless mothers, I’ve ever seen or known to this day. My mother was a mother figure to all children of all ages. She was a rare jewel, a gift. No child ever felt unloved in her presence.

Only knowing my mom as my mother, I assumed all mothers made children feel important, loved and worthy of their time. I’ve learned this isn’t always the case. This is not to say she was perfect or lenient and it’s also not to say I always felt loved. Unfortunately, it wasn’t until she left this earth that I came face to face of the reality of the loss of extraordinary love.

I’m so grateful that I got to see, hear and feel a different reality when I grew up. Make a pot of coffee, sit on your most comfortable chair and let’s experience some of my favorite memories, together for this Christmas.

My Christmas experience started on the day after Thanksgiving, no Black Friday to tear us away from each other, no, no, no. We spent every minute together preparing the way for the next family event.

Watching my mother cook, bake or make anything in the kitchen left us in awe and wonder. We always got to help. We didn’t need titles or invitations, we wanted to be part of the smells, creativity and clean up committee by means of licking spoons, egg beaters or other utensils. My mother and Grandma always kept us engaged and entertained while they whistled and worked.

In our house, my mom and Grandma always made children part of what they were doing. We didn’t have an adults table and children’s table. I never saw that until I was an adult. As children we were never swept off into another room, told to play outside until dark or hushed for talking out of turn. We had a voice and unless, we were being disrespectful, we were always seemingly the reason for my parents and grandparents existence.

My mother used to pick up her sister’s boys, my cousins, almost every weekend, year round, starting with David, until they were teens or off in college. They were treated like our siblings. Family wasn’t an afterthought, dread or sickness, it was everything, an all encompassing experience.

The entire month of December, we were either shopping, wrapping presents, decorating or making special treats. The act of shopping was all part of the wonder. My dad was famous for Christmas Eve shopping extravaganzas. I loved shopping in downtown Lansing, Mi. on Christmas Eve.

My mother used to work at the Knapp’s department store, downtown. It was a glorious store. It was filled with anything that you could think of and the customer service was to be envied. The fragrances of cigar smoke, perfumes, divine foods, candies and pop filled the air. In my Motherland of Michigan, soda is called pop.

In the 60’s my daddy always smelled of leather, Old spice, VO5 and cigarettes. It was a smell that said, ‘I’m with my tougher than tough dad.’ My dad was all heart, class and true grit. Because, he grew up on the wrong side of the tracks in Lansing, MI., he was good friends with some mafia families and forever could out talk any Italian, “Father Guido Sarduchie”, he’d say, in a mofia type accent, then he’d start laughing 😂 hysterically. The stories of staying safe amongst thugs without ever becoming one, was the story of my dad’s life.

My dad held the line and protected the weak, like a hen protects her chicks. He was 100 percent for anyone until they crossed the line of injustice. If anyone did anything that harmed anyone, my dad, Fred Goodknecht, was there to see that justice was served. Nothing broke my dad’s heart more than injustice. How I miss that powerhouse of passion for the innocent.

One time on Christmas Eve, while we were shopping downtown, he looked long and hard at the pocket watches. After a time, he asked the polite sales clerk, whom I believe was the owner, to look at one. As he held the pocket watch in his hands, he began to tell me of a yesterday story about his Grandpa Hank and how much he had always wanted a pocket watch like his. His tall posture became that of a child’s longing for a yesterday that brought him one of the few fond memories of his childhood.

That year, because of that yesterday story from my dad, I, a child of possibly 5-6 years old made sure my daddy got the pocket watch of his dreams. I can still see that pocket watch, smell his after shave, cigarettes and leather and hear his heart and longings for the childhood with his Grandpa Hank.

Anyhow, we’d spend half of Christmas eve shopping, then the rest of Christmas eve wrapping presents and watching Christmas shows. Rudolf was always my favorite Christmas movie when I was growing up. My dad loved watching Christmas movies and special t.v. shows with the Carpenters or Andy Williams, to name a few, with us too.

My mom would be baking up a storm, she made candy, cookies, pies, cakes, cinnamon rolls and tons of other things. Baking was her specialty and my dad even got great at cooking bread one Christmas vacation.

Speaking of vacations, that was one of the times of year that everyone had a vacation. People used to spend time with their families at Christmas. Not just one day but, at our house, for an entire week to 10 days.

We always had out of town family staying with us at Christmas. My mom and dad were great about having people over. Our house was always packed with friends and relatives. Those are the greatest memories of all.

We’ve so lost that welcoming spirit. I remember when I was growing up, one of my mom’s cousin’s wive’s wasn’t interested in the art of hospitality. She seemed all too happy to keep everyone at an arms length away from her doorstep. So sad to miss out on the greatest blessing of all, family.

Not us, our house was full, to overflowing, all of the time. So often I hated it at the time but, now that I’m older, I realize my parents were the coolest for creating a place where everyone felt welcome. I’m so glad my parents actually cared about other people, to the point of inviting people over weekly, sometimes daily.

We grew up with an array of animals that my mom loved on, just as much as she loved on us. I was known for bringing home every stray in the neighborhood. Before I was commissioned to find their homes, we’d love on them, make sure they were well fed and then, when those moments were over, we’d troll the neighborhood looking for their rightful home. Once their homes were found, we’d bid our teary eyed farewell and return home. Often, I’d do this search by myself. I starting rescuing animals when I was all of 5.

My mother always knew what everyone wanted for Christmas. We didn’t give Christmas lists to our parents, we gave them to Santa. I used to think her radar for the perfect gift was a strange phenomena. As I grew older and no other person I knew had that same special gift in my life, l realized what it was about my mom that made her so magical, she listened and cared. If I could wrap up one word that describes yesterday to the world, that word would be care. There was one time many years after the era of my childhood, when my son Derek wanted Burger King. My mom drove Derek and Josh around for miles until they found one. The essence of that act exemplifies the essence of my childhood.

Yesterday, people took time out of their day to talk face to face with others. No one was on Facebook, Instagram or the like, we called people on the phone, wrote long, enduring letters or spoke just dropped in at folks homes.

Yesterday, we purchased Christmas Cards, filled them out and sent them to the ones we loved. We’d save the cards we received and hung them up the following year as a Christmas decoration.

I remember going to people’s houses and looking at all the Christmas cards, it was an awesome sight. I’ve purchased Christmas cards every year, only to be so stuck in the moment, I’d forget to send them or send them after Christmas. I so wish I had the time, my mom had. Maybe this year will be different.

If you notice all these adults, isn’t it interesting which adult that small child was looking at? L-R: Sondra, Phillip, Patrick, Margaret, Kay, Grandma Susie and Grandpa Roger.

I sincerely agree with and long for the yesterday that my Grandparents described. They were born before cars, at a time when without your family or neighbors, you’d probably die. If we live in the country, we get more of a sense of that but, I can tell you I live in the country now and although it’s better than a big city, it’s not the same country feeling that I had as a child.

How grand it would be for the Grandparents like mine to rise and shine and be all we can be. I pray that when we hold our Grandchildren we tell them of a childhood where family was an institution that was held together by love, sincerity and caring.

That we put the wonder back into our worlds. I hope for the goodness, wholesomeness and awesome imperfections of a yesterday, be talked about, empowered from and not forgotten. Time is the only thing in this life we never have enough of. Maybe our yesterday can be the glue that changes our today. Maybe we will get out of our rat race long enough to remember the good part of our yesterday.

Sure, there are many parts of yesterday that needed to change. But, is it wise to scrap our whole history for the 6% that needed to be eradicated. Quite honestly, it takes the good, the bad and the ugly to create a story worth telling. It’s never too late to rewrite our ending. I hope I started mine today.

L-R Freddy, Marie, Richard, Don, Mom, Me, Angie, Tammy and Cammy, Nancy, Grandma G, Nate.

Grandma, Grandpa (Hank) Goodknecht, Gale, Nancy, Marie and dad.

Here I Am

9 months after my dad dying suddenly in his sleep, here I am. 9 months after calling him two days in a row without an answer, calling him 16 times, calling all the places he frequented, calling my aunt, (his sister), then calling the police, here I am. Calling my dad’s house for the last time, a number I had faithfully called for 1-1/2 years, sometimes everyday, only to hear the sheriff answer and say……Here I am.

He described a very sad scene, an emaciated dog barley alive, my father in his bed, dead, and had been there for days. I had already lost my dad for 20 years, I was not ready to loose him again. This was not happening, yet….here I am.

For 9 months I’ve been picking up the pieces day by day of a shattered heart, shattered dreams, shattered relationships, and shattered goals. I’ve had to repair a shattered house from the stench of death. I had to redeem a shattered dog, who had a shattered body and shattered heart. A dog who didn’t bark, when people knocked at the door, as he laid on the floor next to my dad’s bed. I’ve had to hold my family together from the effects of a shattered life. I’ve had to spend my father’s hard earned money on an attorney, as I watched his last hope for what he spent a life working for, get shattered. Yet, here I am.

In all this, the image of my church family has been shattered. I believe a church family should be that, a family. What this crisis has proved, was that I was never part of that family. That’s o.k., these things are good to know. However, the timing of the these truths coming to light and crashing down around me, was in no way easy. But, here I am.

My entire family as I knew them to be, has been shattered. I’ve had to face the realities of who some of my family really are. I’ve been hung out to dry and left for dead. I’ve had to act in a way that is uncommon for me, to protect me and my family. I’ve had to re-evaluate my value system daily, and question why I believe what I believe. Why was all this hatred, and shattering coming towards me? Because I chose to love my father? Because I begged people daily to reach out to him, during his time of crisis? What has happened to me, can’t be described, nor would I bore you with the details. My world will never look the same. Still, here I am.

I have cried every day, and wondered if I would live to see the next day, since the day my father died. I prayed to God with deep songs of inner pain. I have lost most of my business, had to restructure my entire program that won’t start until next year, as my daughter lost one of her favorite coaches to a move. I can’t begin to tell you the conversations I’ve had with my children. I won’t lie to them. I won’t make the guilty seem innocent. Yet, I won’t breed hatred and contempt. And, here I  am.

I have found a new church, a place I feel safe, a place to hide, a place to cry, a place to find rest, a place to find hope, and a place to find freedom. During these 9 months I have felt like a horse was standing on my feet, while having a monkey on my back, and an elephant on my chest. I haven’t been able to escape this shattered life of shattered dreams and shattered relationships. Here I am.

I have been in an utter weakness, that leaves me helpless, yet not without hope. During this time, I have been made fun of, hated, misunderstood, felt sorry for, and called terrible, horrific names, many times by people that I had deep admiration for. Friends I had, I now don’t. People I barely knew, now have become more known. I haven’t been given the grace that I so desperately needed by the ones I thought I could count on. But, God has given me others. The truth about who I can count on has been revealed. I am, by most, expected to be the person people need me to be. Here I am.

Now that I’m the one in need of a mountain of supply, I have found once again, only God provides what I need. I have forgiven everyone their trespasses, as I hope they forgive me. When asked if I loved the ones who came in like a flood to lop off my head and leave me for dead? I can’t at this moment reply yes. I can however, reply, I forgive, I will never forget. Ruthless slayings will not be forgotten. Here I am.

Why am I writing this? We all live in highs and lows. Some of us, higher than high. Others, lower than low. Where do you fit in? Have you been left for dead? Hung out to dry? Lied about? Hated? Has your life been shattered, without any cause of your own? Let me tell you about my best friend. During all these times in your and my life, when we truly believe we are all alone, there are only 3 things He will say to you if you call out His name, Jesus. Here I am!

May we all find the love and peace that He so readily supplies.

 

 

 

 

 

A New Perspective

Hello. It’s been awhile since I shared anything. I write to remember who I am, and who I’m becoming. If my journey helps you, it’ll seem like it wasn’t in vain. I pray as you read this, you will find a new perspective too.

Here is a my new perspective.

Over the last two years I regained the family that I hadn’t had in over 20 years only to then, loose most of them again. As, each one left, I did my best to stop the momentum. I prayed, cried and gave more of myself than I thought was possible. Yet, one by one, they are now gone. For you, who are only now, coming into this blog site, my grandmother Grace (my dad’s mother), Linda Goodknecht (my dad’s wife of 30+ years), and then my dad, died within the last two years. I hadn’t had a close relationship with them in over 20 years.

I can’t begin to describe what I have been through in something as small as a blog. But, I will tell you what I am and who I am becoming.

I can’t go back and change one thing. Over the past 2 years I can without a doubt say, that I gave more than I had to give. I was walking in a supernatural moment of restoration and emotional healing.

Now that they’re gone, should I believe that God is a liar? Should I believe that I made a mistake in grabbing a hold of what is now so painful? What have I learned, and who am I now?

There are many things that I’ve had to face. I had to face my own demons that kept me from my father and family for years. I’ve had to come to terms with the reason that I agreed to being alienated from the family that I loved so much.

By allowing something to happen to us, we agree to those terms. I never did anything to see that change, which means, I agreed to the terms of alienation.

I’ve had to decide who I will be today, while I face much adversity over things that are too painful to put in this blog.

When someone dies, all we have left, is the people left behind. We all have to choose who we are going to be. Will we allow this loss to divide us? Or, will we once and for all, choose a different path?

I’ve had to forgive myself for allowing the ideas and opinions of others, keep me from my dad. He was a  man that I loved my whole life, yet, he never knew how much I loved him until the last 2 years of his life. The cruelest thing a person can do is withhold love from others.

I’ve had to forgive the very people, that have aimed jealousy, animosity, anger, and malice towards me.

I’ve had to live in regret. Regret that I ever doubted that my father loved me, regret that I ever listened to any unkind word spoken about him and, regret that I stayed away from someone I longed to be with for 20 years.

Did you know that unkind words are designed to cause division? Don’t listen to an unkind word about anyone. They are lies meant to keep you from a great relationship. The people who speak unkind words about others are called divisive.

I’ve had to forgive my father and many others for ever believing lies about me.  In order for people to believe that there is anything in my heart for anyone except pure, genuine love, they are believing a lie. Although love takes on many facets, love has always been at the forefront of who I am. Always!

I’ve had to say goodbye to many relationships that were designed to harm me. I believe the best of others, I don’t comprehend a person not loving me, not to mention, bringing harm to me. When that is evident I have to choose, do I stay in a relationship designed to harm me, my children and my world, or do I cut the cord, and forge ahead regardless of the brokenness that I feel?

I’ve learned that I don’t have any time left in my life to waste on futile relationships. If a person doesn’t have my best interest in their hearts, I will always love them but, I will not involve myself too deeply in their attempts to harm me anymore.

Beauty to capture.

I’ve had to surround myself with a safe place of worship, where I’m allowed to let God alone heal me from the inside out.

I don’t doubt any decision that I’ve made over the past two years. For the first time in my life, I see very clearly. I see what is, what was, and what is supposed to be.

I’ve also learned that preparing for our death is something I will be doing within the next few months. I will make sure, beyond any doubt, that my will for the things I’ve worked my entire life for, will be executed to the letter.

The only thing a person has left when they die, is their legacy. When others try to change that, that is the ultimate dishonoring act. I can’t imagine what is in store for the people who dishonor the dead but, I won’t be that person ever.

I have learned to make every second count. I’ve always been like this, but now, I’m cutting out everything that takes me away from what really matters to me.

I’m eating what I want, when I want it. I’m not eating, if I don’t want to. I sit down, when I need to, instead of pushing myself. I breathe fresh air, tumble in piles of snow, have snow ball fights, and make snow angles in the snow. I want to retire as soon as possible and talk, hug, smile and be deeply in love with as many people as I can. I truly love. I see good in everyone and, it’s amazing to fall in love with every living creature we encounter.

I want people to know that they were created for greatness, and to not allow opinions of others to get in their way. I don’t want my children to be plagued with doubts of my love for them anymore.

I want everyone I know to live like they only had 24 hrs. left. I, no longer, push off goals that are important to me. My goal list has gotten shorter and shorter.

My New Perspective: Love others, and get rid of anything that is a distraction from that.

What are you going to do with your next 24 hours?

 

It’s Time

I’m a person who asks many questions and am one who can’t turn a blind eye to anything. Now, more than ever the lines of right and wrong are getting blurred, and people desiring gray rather than black or white. Why?

Why are we comfortable with walking by people who hurt, as though they don’t exist?Why, when we hear of children being sold into sex slavery, do we finish chewing our food, swallow it and then continue with our appetites? Why are will still enraged by slavery of yesterday but, won’t lift a finger to stop the slavery of today?

Who have we become?

Why have we allowed the voice of racism to rise above truth? Hatred knows no boundaries and has no limits. When we become blind in any one color, or cause, whether we’re for or against, we become part of the problem. I’m neither for or against any color. I’m for the creator of all color and all of His creation is good.

Why is it easier to hate than love? Why do we fuel fires instead of putting them out? Why do we excuse ourselves for the same behavior we despise in others? When will we grow tired of our own hypocrisy?

Why do we believe that loving others applies only to the ones we like? Why do we long to be noticed and admired by our peers? Why do we constantly brag about every little detail of our small existence? Who are we really trying to impress? Isn’t talking about the good that surrounds us, much more praise worthy?

Why are our children still killing themselves? Why do drugs or addictions still have an attractive nature to the young and restless? Why would we ever bully others into wrong choices?

It’s time to face things and make a change

It’s time to love

It’s time for our battle cry to cry for someone else

It’s time for our hearts to change

It’s time for the weak to be strong

It’s time for families to unite

It’s time for the hungry to be fed

It’s time for justice to prevail

It’s time!

Offence, is it a Means to an End?

Lately, I hear in the news about people being offended. For the last few years the subject of being offended seems to be the topic of many conversations. It is a topic in church, in the media, at home, in the work place, and our government. Why does this thing called “offense” have so much control over our world?

This blog will neither be super-spiritual nor super-opinionated. It will be factual, informative, thought-provoking, and hopefully you will get a clearer view about the topic of offense.

More than twenty years ago, after living the life of a person destoyed by offense, I sat in our little church of 300 and heard a viewpoint that began to change my life. I heard that offense was a tool to control me. I heard that offense was ugly in nature and its entire desire was to divide relationships, work places, churches, families, and nations. I also heard that it was wrong for a person to ‘take offense.’ By ‘taking offense,’ we place ourselves in a bad position. We willfully decide to believe something bad about another person, situation, attitude, or the like. In addition to believing bad about another, we also choose to inflict pain on ourselves by ‘being offended’.

Here is an example. Let’s say that you pay me for my advice. I give it to you. You don’t like the advice but, instead of disregarding the advice, you decide to disregard me instead. When we become offended, we actually become offensive. In order to be offended, one of the keys is that we must believe someone is actually doing us harm, wrong, and injustice and with bad intentions. It places us in a position of declaring accusations against another. Is this really who we want to be? Doesn’t this mean that the offended person actually committed the exact same scenario that they claim that their offender has?

Why would we ever believe that our actions are any less wrong than the ones we have accused of being offensive? Why? Because, we are too close to be objective. That is the point of hearing pastors, friends, clergy, therapists, spouses, family members, and co-workers. If someone gives a point of view and our gut reaction is ouch, that usually indicates one of two things. It means we either need to look at ourselves and see if we need to change or it means that the other person just was a little off. That’s all. It doesn’t mean we should become offended, feel bad, point fingers, sulk, lash out, change laws, or make picket signs. The solution is so much easier than that.

So what should we do when we begin to feel “offence” coming over us?

1. If you believe in God, I would recommend reading about Jesus and His walk to the cross. He was beaten beyond human recognition, made fun of, spit on, and had his flesh ripped off his body by the people He loved the most. He didn’t get offended. He expected it. Read how He felt about these people. You can find these accounts in the latter part of Matthew, Mark, John and Luke, in the New Testament of the Bible.

2. If you don’t believe in God, I would reflect on what I’ve written today and ask yourself a few questions. A) Do I want to see myself as someone better than the other person and point fingers at them, putting myself on the same plain as they are? Or B) Maybe, just maybe, can I just consider that they are different than me and that’s okay?

3. Make a list of the pro’s and con’s of being offended. Does lining up a defense against others really serve as a justifiable solution?

4. Make a list of the character of the person, place, or thing that you want to be offended at. Does what you want to think, line up with facts?

5. Who will be harmed the most if you choose to be offended? Will it be the other person, place, or thing? Or will it be you? I’ve seen people go to the grave hating a person. Being offended can destroy your life. Do you really want to do that?

6. Solution: Write a letter that you wished the person, place, or thing would read. Be specific. Don’t leave out any details of your point of view. If you’re angry, let it out. If you’re sad, put that in. If you feel betrayed, put that in your letter. Then after you’ve written the letter, read the letter. If you want, show the letter to God and ask Him to bring justice to the situation, burn the letter, and walk away. If you don’t believe He is real, burn the letter, and burn out any residue of bad feelings towards the recipient of the letter. Forgive and let it go.

7. This is for the extra milers. Allow God to change your heart so that you never offend anyone. If we really hate being offended so much, shouldn’t we be what we don’t hate? Shouldn’t we become an example of how people need not get offended? Shouldn’t we give extra grace, extra encouragement, extra favor, and extra forgiveness to the ones who don’t deserve it?

Again to restate my position. Please, don’t get offended by my pointing to God. That would destroy the point of this. But rather understand, God has proven to be faithful to all that I recommend. After my pastor in our little church of 300 spoke his little sermon, I had to go home and reflect on all of his words. I had to do further investigation for decades to prove what he said would work. I used to allow offense to cripple me. I was more than a wounded warrior, I was an emotional cripple. I drank to subdue the pain that I willingly chose to keep in my heart. I had a victim mentality and walked around holding on to every offense. Did I run people down, probably? Did, I publicly slam people? Yes. I believed that I had a right to take matters into my own hands with the ones who did harm to me. I was not a coward, ever. I would face the ugliest of offenders. I had many people do real harm to me intentionally, yet, because I chose to hold onto the pain, I did the greatest harm to myself.

God can free you from all of your wounds, pains, injustices, and hurts. But you can also continue to re-inflict yourself if you don’t forgive and let it go. Offense doesn’t work. We are supposed to be able to handle things we don’t agree with or like professionally and objectively. Getting rid of people or opinions that we don’t agree with will never solve our problems. The problem isn’t them, it’s us. It’s our perspective that is offensive. It is we who need to change. Removing offenses will only enable us to become a greater cripple. Shouldn’t we all long for our own personal freedom, rather than telling the world they need to accommodate our personal preferences?

I hope you long for your personal freedom as I did for decades. I wished someone would have slapped me until I understood what I’m writing today. People tried, but I wouldn’t listen. Finally, after destroying most of my life, I allowed God and His word to break through. Let love win by not being offended. Don’t be the wounded warrior that inflicts pain on others and then justify our actions. No! Let offense change who we are. Let it go and be free.

Strategies to Accomplish Your Dreams

What if, I told you that anything that you dream can be accomplished? Anything! What if, I told you that the only reason you are where you are in life is because what you believe is possible? What are your dreams? Do you even remember? Do you want to be a President, doctor, veterinarian, writer, singer, musician, entertainer, preacher, teacher, trainer, coach, Olympian, or something simple like having more peace, feeling safe at night, paying your bills on time, etc. What are your dreams?

I confess that each day I live out a segment of my dream. Am I a millionaire? No, that was never one of my dreams. My dream was to have freedom in my heart, mind, and body. My dream was to love the unlovable. My dream was to enjoy every minute of my life. My dream was to have a husband who loved me. My dream was to have a happy family. My dream was to help others accomplish their dreams. My dream was to see people fall in love with Jesus.

I have many other dreams that I am currently living out and those are just a few. You may think, ‘hmmm, those are easy. I’m happy, my husband loves me, etc.’

Then I have to ask “Are those your deepest dreams?” They were for me.

Here is another one of my dreams, I’ve dreamed of being in the Olympics. You may say, ‘Ha, you’re not in the Olympics.’ You would be right, I’m not. However, I have a horse that I’m currently training and next year we are going to the show. If the Olympics are for me, I will make it there.

Without further ado, I must confess that I could have been living out my dreams at a much earlier age, but was not willing to take on the role that it all depended on me. I believed that others have stopped me. I believed that good would never be part of my life. I believed a lot of self-defeating things that prevented me from attaining my goal and because of it, it has taken almost thirty years to start enjoying the dreams that depended on me, to acquire. Here are the greatest keys for you to unlock your dreams.

1. Allow God to birth in you the dreams that He has for you. Revelation 3:8 I know your deeds. See, I have placed before you an open door that no one can shut. I know that you have little strength, yet you have kept my word and have not denied my name.

2. Write down the vision that God gives you. Habakkuk 2:2 Then the LORD replied: “Write down the revelation and make it plain on tablets so that a herald may run with it.

3. Believe that God only wants good for you. Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

4. Pray daily, hourly or whatever it takes, until the dream begins to unfold. 1 Thessalonians 5:16 Rejoice always, 17 pray without ceasing, 18 give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.

5. Develop a deep relationship with Jesus Christ. Learn how to do anything and everything He tells you, no matter how insignificant or strange it may seem. If He says make a cake for someone, do it. He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him. Hebrews 11:16 And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to Him must believe that He exists and that He rewards those who earnestly seek Him.

6. Be generous in every area of your life. God doesn’t give us dreams to hoard them or lord them over others. He gives them to us for the benefit of all. He has good plans for you. A good plan would involve others being blessed and God getting the credit for the blessing. Luke 3:8 Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together, and running over will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.”

7. Get joyful in all things. God loves joy. Joy is our strength. We need joy to override all the pitfalls that we will face. If we don’t have joy, we won’t succeed. James 1:2 Consider it pure joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, 3 knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance.

8. Here is the last one. It is the best one. Find passion in loving passionately. Do I mean this in a provocative way, yes, if you are married. The two greatest commandments are 1) Love God; 2) Love others. Jesus says when we do that, we’ve done everything else right. Why? Because perfect love, never harms others.

We can only expect good when we know that His plans for us is good and if we are only sowing good. Everything I just listed is good seed to sow. You will reap a harvest of goodness when you sow good seed.

Thank you Lord for seeing our God given dreams and breathing life into them. You are the giver of life. You only give good gifts to your children. Thank you for revealing to us how good you really are. Thank you for birthing in us the faith that it takes to live a life pleasing to you. Give us your dreams and give us the courage to walk out the dreams that you have for us. With you we can do all things, but without you our plans will account for nothing. Make our lives have meaning, value, and account for the goodness in You. Let our passions draw people to you, the giver of good dreams. I love you Jesus, let it be, as in your word. Let the ones who need this encouragement find it today, amen.

Enjoy the Rainbows

I had another name for this blog a week ago, but I don’t remember what it was. This will be short as I don’t have time to elaborate. I promised everyone I would write a post over a week ago and I have been on overload for a few months now and each day seems to keep me busy until I wake up and do it again. Without further a due, here goes.

When people see me today, the person I am, they believe this is who I’ve always been. In many ways they are right. I’ve always had a heart for people, animals and harmony. I longed to see harmony in all things my whole life. But, the way I went about doing things to create harmony when I was younger looked nothing like the way I go about bringing it forth today.

I used to think that everything depended on me changing things. I now know that everything depends on me being changed. Let me say that again. I used to think everything depended on me changing things. I now know that everything depends on me being changed. Or, me being the change. I pray this helps you.

I have many regrets because I lacked vision, wisdom and foresight. Many of you don’t realize that you will regret tomorrow by what you are doing today. Why? Because, you lack what I lacked then. We all lack vision to a degree, when we only see our limited view, our perspective, limited by our experiences. Today, if I could go back 30 years, this is what I would say to me, in this order.

Michelle this may sound strange, weird or off the wall. But, because I know the outcome of your choices, if you really want, what you really want, here is how you go about getting what your really want.

1. Find Jesus. Don’t settle for someone else’s opinion or experience of Him. You find Him and don’t stop until you do. Make finding Jesus and living in His presence your number 1 ambition.

2. Get over yourself. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and treat others like you want to be treated. The pity parties need to go, once and for all. They are your number one weakness. Get rid of them now.

3. Respect your parents. Do for them, more than they’ve done for you. Respect your elders. If someone is 10 seconds older than you respect them. Don’t get offended by anything they do. It will cause you more detriment than you’re prepared to deal with.

4. Above all things, spend time with your family. Put your ambitions in a waste basket, catch them on fire if need be and put a date on the calendar every month to visit a family member. Include everyone you know and search out the ones you don’t know. Find out where you are from and embrace your heritage.

5. Find a church that exalts Jesus. Go often, but not all the time. Don’t look for people in the church to replace the family that you wished you had. Meaning, because you hardly see your family. Be, the family that they wished they had, as you become a better family member yourself.

6. Serve everyone you meet in the giftings and talents that you have. Smile often, but shake hands and hug even more. Don’t promise something that you can’t deliver on. But, make promises and keep them when you make them.

7. Don’t date until your mature enough to get married. When you do, be choosy, selective and don’t even date anyone who is self centered. If they aren’t your best friend, move on in grace and be patient until your best friend shows up.

8. Enjoy every minute of your life. Not by being selfish, by enjoying every minute..the good, bad and ugly. Enjoy your life, it’s the only one you have.

9. Show love to all. Put away all criticism and realize we all are one minute away from loosing it.

10. Pray for everyone you meet, even if for 30 seconds. Believe the best and be prepared for the worst.

11. Let your children see the love of God in you above all else. Nothing else matters in this life except the love of God. Make that available to your children no matter what you face. Don’t be so hard on yourself…no one can be a perfect anything. Make love your ambition and you’ll never fail.

12. Breathe. Forgive yourself. Cry. Laugh. Believe. Hope. Endure. Scream. Breathe.

13. Enjoy the rainbows. God will give you many rainbows to remind you that He never forgets His promises. All of your dreams will come true and when they do, remember who brought them about. It wasn’t ever your dream to begin with. It was His. He wants His dreams for you to come true. Enjoy the rainbows.

Book 5-God Restores

When I asked Jesus what I should write about today. What testimony should I give today, this is what He laid on my heart. He showed me the book of Job over the years many, many, many times. But, because I was so arrogant in the way I approached God, it took me 10 years to see what He was trying to show me. Until the word of God becomes who I am, I know nothing.

The one benefit I have always had, is that I have known that I know nothing for awhile now. The second we think we know something is the same second that we know nothing. I pray right now that you get the revelation that you know nothing. So that, when your heart has the opportunity to know something, then you might become changed.

I want to challenge you to read this entire blog. It is long, yet easy to read and worth every word. Here is a concept that God alone revealed to me in regards to Job. So please be slow to assume and fast to reconsider.

 Job 1:1 There was a man in the land of Uz whose name was Job, and that man was blameless and upright, one who feared God and turned away from evil.

^{Job 1:6} Now there was a day when the sons of God came to present themselves before the Lord, and Satan^[b] also came among them. ⁷ The Lord said to Satan, “From where have you come?” Satan answered the Lord and said, “From going to and fro on the earth, and from walking up and down on it.” ⁸ And the Lordsaid to Satan, “Have you considered my servant Job, that there is none like him on the earth, a blameless and upright man, who fears God and turns away from evil?” ⁹ Then Satan answered the Lord and said, “Does Job fear God for no reason? ¹⁰ Have you not put a hedge around him and his house and all that he has, on every side? You have blessed the work of his hands, and his possessions have increased in the land. ¹¹ But stretch out your hand and touch all that he has, and he will curse you to your face.” ¹² And the Lord said to Satan, “Behold, all that he has is in your hand. Only against him do not stretch out your hand.” So Satan went out from the presence of the Lord.

^{Job 1:18} While he was yet speaking, there came another and said, “Your sons and daughters were eating and drinking wine in their oldest brother’s house, ¹⁹ and behold, a great wind came across the wilderness and struck the four corners of the house, and it fell upon the young people, and they are dead, and I alone have escaped to tell you.”

^{Job 1:20} Then Job arose and tore his robe and shaved his head and fell on the ground and worshiped. ²¹ And he said, “Naked I came from my mother’s womb, and naked shall I return. The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord.”

²² In all this Job did not sin or charge God with wrong.

Remember to read this like you have never heard this story before.

Satan Attacks Job’s Health

2 Again there was a day when the sons of God came to present themselves before the Lord, and Satan also came among them to present himself before the Lord. ² And the Lord said to Satan, “From where have you come?” Satan answered the Lord and said, “From going to and fro on the earth, and from walking up and down on it.” ³ And the Lord said to Satan, “Have you considered my servant Job, that there is none like him on the earth, a blameless and upright man, who fears God and turns away from evil? He still holds fast his integrity, although you incited me against him to destroy him without reason.”⁴ Then Satan answered the Lord and said, “Skin for skin! All that a man has he will give for his life. ⁵ But stretch out your hand and touch his bone and his flesh, and he will curse you to your face.” ⁶ And the Lord said to Satan, “Behold, he is in your hand; only spare his life.”

⁷ So Satan went out from the presence of the Lord and struck Job with loathsome sores from the sole of his foot to the crown of his head. ⁸ And he took a piece of broken pottery with which to scrape himself while he sat in the ashes.

⁹ Then his wife said to him, “Do you still hold fast your integrity? Curse God and die.” ¹⁰ But he said to her, “You speak as one of the foolish women would speak. Shall we receive good from God, and shall we not receive evil?”^[a] In all this Job did not sin with his lips.

Remember read this like you have never seen these words before.

Then for 7 days and 7 nights Job sat with his friends.

3:1 After this Job opened his mouth and cursed the day of his birth.

Then after this one by one Job’s friend started to give him advice. Then let’s see what happens.

Job Replies: My Complaint Is Just

Job Continues: My Life Has No Hope

Bildad Speaks: Job Should Repent

Job Continues: A Plea to God

Zophar Speaks: You Deserve Worse

Job Replies: The Lord Has Done This

Job Continues: Still I Will Hope in God

Job Continues: Death Comes Soon to All

Eliphaz Accuses: Job Does Not Fear God

Job Replies: My Redeemer Lives

Zophar Speaks: The Wicked Will Suffer

Job Replies: The Wicked Do Prosper

Eliphaz Speaks: Job’s Wickedness Is Great

Finally in chaper 38 the Lord responds to 36 chapters of wrong talking, wrong attitudes and wrong thinking. Here is what the Lord says:

The Lord Answers Job

38 Then the Lord answered Job out of the whirlwind and said:

² “Who is this that darkens counsel by words without knowledge?
³ Dress for action^[a] like a man;
    I will question you, and you make it known to me.

⁴ “Where were you when I laid the foundation of the earth?
    Tell me, if you have understanding.
⁵ Who determined its measurements—surely you know!
    Or who stretched the line upon it?
⁶ On what were its bases sunk,
    or who laid its cornerstone,
⁷ when the morning stars sang together
    and all the sons of God shouted for joy?

⁸ “Or who shut in the sea with doors
    when it burst out from the womb,
⁹ when I made clouds its garment
    and thick darkness its swaddling band,
¹⁰ and prescribed limits for it
    and set bars and doors,
¹¹ and said, ‘Thus far shall you come, and no farther,
    and here shall your proud waves be stayed’?

¹² “Have you commanded the morning since your days began,
    and caused the dawn to know its place,
¹³ that it might take hold of the skirts of the earth,
    and the wicked be shaken out of it?
¹⁴ It is changed like clay under the seal,
    and its features stand out like a garment.
¹⁵ From the wicked their light is withheld,
    and their uplifted arm is broken.

¹⁶ “Have you entered into the springs of the sea,
    or walked in the recesses of the deep?
¹⁷ Have the gates of death been revealed to you,
    or have you seen the gates of deep darkness?
¹⁸ Have you comprehended the expanse of the earth?
    Declare, if you know all this.

¹⁹ “Where is the way to the dwelling of light,
    and where is the place of darkness,
²⁰ that you may take it to its territory
    and that you may discern the paths to its home?
²¹ You know, for you were born then,
    and the number of your days is great!

²² “Have you entered the storehouses of the snow,
    or have you seen the storehouses of the hail,
²³ which I have reserved for the time of trouble,
    for the day of battle and war?
²⁴ What is the way to the place where the light is distributed,
    or where the east wind is scattered upon the earth?

²⁵ “Who has cleft a channel for the torrents of rain
    and a way for the thunderbolt,
²⁶ to bring rain on a land where no man is,
    on the desert in which there is no man,
²⁷ to satisfy the waste and desolate land,
    and to make the ground sprout with grass?

²⁸ “Has the rain a father,
    or who has begotten the drops of dew?
²⁹ From whose womb did the ice come forth,
    and who has given birth to the frost of heaven?
³⁰ The waters become hard like stone,
    and the face of the deep is frozen.

³¹ “Can you bind the chains of the Pleiades
    or loose the cords of Orion?
³² Can you lead forth the Mazzaroth^[b] in their season,
    or can you guide the Bear with its children?
³³ Do you know the ordinances of the heavens?
    Can you establish their rule on the earth?

³⁴ “Can you lift up your voice to the clouds,
    that a flood of waters may cover you?
³⁵ Can you send forth lightnings, that they may go
    and say to you, ‘Here we are’?
³⁶ Who has put wisdom in the inward parts^[c]
    or given understanding to the mind?^[d]
37 Who can number the clouds by wisdom?
    Or who can tilt the waterskins of the heavens,
³⁸ when the dust runs into a mass
    and the clods stick fast together?

³⁹ “Can you hunt the prey for the lion,
    or satisfy the appetite of the young lions,
⁴⁰ when they crouch in their dens
    or lie in wait in their thicket?
⁴¹ Who provides for the raven its prey,
    when its young ones cry to God for help,
    and wander about for lack of food?

Keep reading with an open seeing heart:

Job 39 “Do you know when the mountain goats give birth?
    Do you observe the calving of the does?
² Can you number the months that they fulfill,
    and do you know the time when they give birth,
³ when they crouch, bring forth their offspring,
    and are delivered of their young?
⁴ Their young ones become strong; they grow up in the open;
    they go out and do not return to them.

⁵ “Who has let the wild donkey go free?
    Who has loosed the bonds of the swift donkey,
⁶ to whom I have given the arid plain for his home
    and the salt land for his dwelling place?
⁷ He scorns the tumult of the city;
    he hears not the shouts of the driver.
⁸ He ranges the mountains as his pasture,
    and he searches after every green thing.

⁹ “Is the wild ox willing to serve you?
    Will he spend the night at your manger?
¹⁰ Can you bind him in the furrow with ropes,
    or will he harrow the valleys after you?
¹¹ Will you depend on him because his strength is great,
    and will you leave to him your labor?
¹² Do you have faith in him that he will return your grain
    and gather it to your threshing floor?

¹³ “The wings of the ostrich wave proudly,
    but are they the pinions and plumage of love?^[a]
14 For she leaves her eggs to the earth
    and lets them be warmed on the ground,
¹⁵ forgetting that a foot may crush them
    and that the wild beast may trample them.
¹⁶ She deals cruelly with her young, as if they were not hers;
    though her labor be in vain, yet she has no fear,
¹⁷ because God has made her forget wisdom
    and given her no share in understanding.
¹⁸ When she rouses herself to flee,^[b]
    she laughs at the horse and his rider.

¹⁹ “Do you give the horse his might?
    Do you clothe his neck with a mane?
²⁰ Do you make him leap like the locust?
    His majestic snorting is terrifying.
²¹ He paws^[c] in the valley and exults in his strength;
    he goes out to meet the weapons.
²² He laughs at fear and is not dismayed;
    he does not turn back from the sword.
²³ Upon him rattle the quiver,
    the flashing spear, and the javelin.
²⁴ With fierceness and rage he swallows the ground;
    he cannot stand still at the sound of the trumpet.
²⁵ When the trumpet sounds, he says ‘Aha!’
    He smells the battle from afar,
    the thunder of the captains, and the shouting.

²⁶ “Is it by your understanding that the hawk soars
    and spreads his wings toward the south?
²⁷ Is it at your command that the eagle mounts up
    and makes his nest on high?
²⁸ On the rock he dwells and makes his home,
    on the rocky crag and stronghold.
²⁹ From there he spies out the prey;
    his eyes behold it from far away.
³⁰ His young ones suck up blood,
    and where the slain are, there is he.”

Listen to this:

40 And the Lord said to Job:

² “Shall a faultfinder contend with the Almighty?
    He who argues with God, let him answer it.”

And this:

Job Promises Silence

³ Then Job answered the Lord and said:

⁴ “Behold, I am of small account; what shall I answer you?
    I lay my hand on my mouth.
⁵ I have spoken once, and I will not answer;
    twice, but I will proceed no further.”

Check this out:

The Lord Challenges Job

⁶ Then the Lord answered Job out of the whirlwind and said:

⁷ “Dress for action^[a] like a man;
    I will question you, and you make it known to me.
⁸ Will you even put me in the wrong?
    Will you condemn me that you may be in the right?
⁹ Have you an arm like God,
    and can you thunder with a voice like his?

¹⁰ “Adorn yourself with majesty and dignity;
    clothe yourself with glory and splendor.
¹¹ Pour out the overflowings of your anger,
    and look on everyone who is proud and abase him.
¹² Look on everyone who is proud and bring him low
    and tread down the wicked where they stand.
¹³ Hide them all in the dust together;
    bind their faces in the world below.^[b]
14 Then will I also acknowledge to you
    that your own right hand can save you.

¹⁵ “Behold, Behemoth,^[c]
    which I made as I made you;
    he eats grass like an ox.
¹⁶ Behold, his strength in his loins,
    and his power in the muscles of his belly.
¹⁷ He makes his tail stiff like a cedar;
    the sinews of his thighs are knit together.
¹⁸ His bones are tubes of bronze,
    his limbs like bars of iron.

¹⁹ “He is the first of the works^[d] of God;
    let him who made him bring near his sword!
²⁰ For the mountains yield food for him
    where all the wild beasts play.
²¹ Under the lotus plants he lies,
    in the shelter of the reeds and in the marsh.
²² For his shade the lotus trees cover him;
    the willows of the brook surround him.
²³ Behold, if the river is turbulent he is not frightened;
    he is confident though Jordan rushes against his mouth.
²⁴ Can one take him by his eyes,^[e]
    or pierce his nose with a snare?

And this:

^[a] “Can you draw out Leviathan^[b] with a fishhook
    or press down his tongue with a cord?
² Can you put a rope in his nose
    or pierce his jaw with a hook?
³ Will he make many pleas to you?
    Will he speak to you soft words?
⁴ Will he make a covenant with you
    to take him for your servant forever?
⁵ Will you play with him as with a bird,
    or will you put him on a leash for your girls?
⁶ Will traders bargain over him?
    Will they divide him up among the merchants?
⁷ Can you fill his skin with harpoons
    or his head with fishing spears?
⁸ Lay your hands on him;
    remember the battle—you will not do it again!
^9 [c] Behold, the hope of a man is false;
    he is laid low even at the sight of him.
¹⁰ No one is so fierce that he dares to stir him up.
    Who then is he who can stand before me?
¹¹ Who has first given to me, that I should repay him?
    Whatever is under the whole heaven is mine.

¹² “I will not keep silence concerning his limbs,
    or his mighty strength, or his goodly frame.
¹³ Who can strip off his outer garment?
    Who would come near him with a bridle?
¹⁴ Who can open the doors of his face?
    Around his teeth is terror.
¹⁵ His back is made of^[d] rows of shields,
    shut up closely as with a seal.
¹⁶ One is so near to another
    that no air can come between them.
¹⁷ They are joined one to another;
    they clasp each other and cannot be separated.
¹⁸ His sneezings flash forth light,
    and his eyes are like the eyelids of the dawn.
¹⁹ Out of his mouth go flaming torches;
    sparks of fire leap forth.
²⁰ Out of his nostrils comes forth smoke,
    as from a boiling pot and burning rushes.
²¹ His breath kindles coals,
    and a flame comes forth from his mouth.
²² In his neck abides strength,
    and terror dances before him.
²³ The folds of his flesh stick together,
    firmly cast on him and immovable.
²⁴ His heart is hard as a stone,
    hard as the lower millstone.
²⁵ When he raises himself up the mighty^[e] are afraid;
    at the crashing they are beside themselves.
²⁶ Though the sword reaches him, it does not avail,
    nor the spear, the dart, or the javelin.
²⁷ He counts iron as straw,
    and bronze as rotten wood.
²⁸ The arrow cannot make him flee;
    for him sling stones are turned to stubble.
²⁹ Clubs are counted as stubble;
    he laughs at the rattle of javelins.
³⁰ His underparts are like sharp potsherds;
    he spreads himself like a threshing sledge on the mire.
³¹ He makes the deep boil like a pot;
    he makes the sea like a pot of ointment.
³² Behind him he leaves a shining wake;
    one would think the deep to be white-haired.
³³ On earth there is not his like,
    a creature without fear.
³⁴ He sees everything that is high;
    he is king over all the sons of pride.”

This is the point of all of Job and God’s test:

Job’s Confession and Repentance

42 Then Job answered the Lord and said:

² “I know that you can do all things,
    and that no purpose of yours can be thwarted.
³ ‘Who is this that hides counsel without knowledge?’
Therefore I have uttered what I did not understand,
    things too wonderful for me, which I did not know.
⁴ ‘Hear, and I will speak;
    I will question you, and you make it known to me.’
⁵ I had heard of you by the hearing of the ear,
    but now my eye sees you;
⁶ therefore I despise myself,
    and repent^[a] in dust and ashes.”

Job, a righteous man, never knew God. He was the most righteous in all the land and he never knew God. I am here to say that most if not all of us never know God. We know about Him, we may even love Him, but do we know Him?

God allowed Job to lose everything so that Job might find and know God. Here is what happened to Job after He made his final confession to God.

 The Lord Rebukes Job’s Friends

⁷ After the Lord had spoken these words to Job, the Lord said to Eliphaz the Temanite: “My anger burns against you and against your two friends, for you have not spoken of me what is right, as my servant Job has. ⁸ Now therefore take seven bulls and seven rams and go to my servant Job and offer up a burnt offering for yourselves. And my servant Job shall pray for you, for I will accept his prayer not to deal with you according to your folly. For you have not spoken of me what is right, as my servant Job has.” ⁹ So Eliphaz the Temanite and Bildad the Shuhite and Zophar the Naamathite went and did what the Lord had told them, and the Lord accepted Job’s prayer.

The Lord Restores Job’s Fortunes

¹⁰ And the Lord restored the fortunes of Job, when he had prayed for his friends. And the Lord gave Job twice as much as he had before. ¹¹ Then came to him all his brothers and sisters and all who had known him before, and ate bread with him in his house. And they showed him sympathy and comforted him for all the evil^[b] that the Lord had brought upon him. And each of them gave him a piece of money^[c] and a ring of gold.

¹² And the Lord blessed the latter days of Job more than his beginning. And he had 14,000 sheep, 6,000 camels, 1,000 yoke of oxen, and 1,000 female donkeys. ¹³ He had also seven sons and three daughters. ¹⁴ And he called the name of the first daughter Jemimah, and the name of the second Keziah, and the name of the third Keren-happuch. ¹⁵ And in all the land there were no women so beautiful as Job’s daughters. And their father gave them an inheritance among their brothers. ¹⁶ And after this Job lived 140 years, and saw his sons, and his sons’ sons, four generations. ¹⁷ And Job died, an old man, and full of days.

I strongly believe restoration comes when we begin to understand who God is. I would highly recommend reading all of Job slowly. Put yourself in Job’s shoes and ask yourself, have I been like Job? Have I been like one of Job’s friends? Where am I in all this? It is important to judge our own hearts accurately and allow the light of the Holy Spirit to give us the final revelation as to who we are and who we are not. Thank you for sticking to the end. Here are the points that I saw for the first time, when I committed to study it all the way through the end.

1. God sees what we and Satan are doing. He sees and knows all.

2. God considered Job righteous because he obeyed God even though Job never really knew God.

3. Satan has to ask permission from God to touch a righteous person. Satan even tries to manipulate God.

4. God allows us to be tested and go through trials and he knows how we will respond before the time of testing.

5. God stands by and waits for the perfect time to bring forth His presence, wisdom, correction and restoration.

6. Satan is always trying to prove to God that His people only obey so they can receive blessings. Meaning, Satan is trying to prove to God just how shallow we really are and that we are not worthy of His love.

7. When in a crisis it is hard to find a friend that will believe the best of us.

8. God’s plans for us are always good.

9. When Satan can’t get us off track with one tactic, he tries another.

10. God is always in control and is always waiting for us to lean on Him or know Him more.

11. Job never knew God, until He went through this time of great loss and affliction.

12. God was not impressed with Job’s friends.

13. Job was very special to God.

I am sure many other amazing truths can be pulled out of this. But, these are the ones that speak to me. Let your faith arise, God is on the scene, even if He seems far away.

God restores.

Book 1-God Transforms

I am going to posting some faith building scriptures, testimonies and teachings on healing. I strongly appose the idea of being sick, the mere thought of sickness its-self needs to be demolished. As I was starting to write to my friend, the idea came to me that others might want more faith for the battle they face. I am not trying to convince anyone to join a church or religion. I will simply be posting scriptures and testimonies that I have lived and experienced as truth. Testimonies that I have lived and my beliefs that got me the reward of healing and a life of goodness.

No advice column, t.v. show, friend, family member, co-worker, magazine article, pastor, worship leader, religion, teacher, adviser, psychologist, mentor, therapist or church saved me. I would like to add for the skeptics, I employed all those listed and much more for 11 years wanting to be different and have peace, wholeness and goodness in my life. Nothing worked, until I met Jesus face to face.

Jesus, the son of the true living God saved my life.

Here is my 1st faith building testimony. I had lost everything, money, position, dream job, career, family, friends, relationships, marriage, home, dog, things and could only see my 2 beautiful sons 3.5 days per week. My two sons were the only thing I had and  could see them only part-time. I could no longer plan a birthday party on their birthdays. Every holiday was a reminder of what I had lost. When my children left my house to go to their dads, I would cry until they came back and then smile, so they didn’t know of the hole in my heart.

I tried my best to make their new life as painless as possible, I didn’t want them to worry about me. After my mom died, months into this new life, and my dad was out of my life 100%, I no longer wanted to live. I didn’t want to do harm to myself, I just didn’t want to live this life anymore. I had tried to read a bible to make some sense out of things but, couldn’t. I tried hard to find God beyond all this pain and couldn’t. Almost one year after my mom died and less than two months after my dad left, I held up the bible that I couldn’t read and said, “God if you are real, you had better reveal yourself to me now, or I am outta here”!

I sat down with my bible and began to cry. I opened up the book of Matthew, and as I started to look at the words, they jumped off the page with life. It was as though Jesus was sitting on the couch with me, saying every word to me. I asked questions about what it said and He answered. For once, life had a meaning and He gave me a reason to not only live, but to live for Him.

He wasn’t mean, condescending, hateful, judgmental, critical or the like. He also wasn’t a marshmallow, ooozing with sappy love. He was compassionate, loving, kind, generous, forthright, convicting to the core and the love He showed me was indescribable. It is a love that says I am for you and nothing you do will make me change my mind. Which was a love I had never known. All the love I had seen in humans was contingent on unwritten rules. All of God’s rules are written and one of His rules is he will never leave or forsake us.

Deuteronomy 31:6 Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.”

After the book of Matthew was read and discussed, I danced around my apartment and turned on Christian radio and continued to dance. No camera’s, no one was watching, just me, Jesus and the host of heaven were having a celebration of a new life. My life that instant was changed. This was the first day, that I knew I had met Jesus face to face. He showed me what real was. Real can’t be seen with our human eyes, it can be seen by our spiritual eyes. He comes and transforms our heart, mind and body in an instant. God is real and a miracle worker. The first miracle I will document, is the miracle of meeting Jesus face to face. No special prayers, no congregation, no pastor, no divine worker, I demanded, He responded. Someone asked me, not long ago, why me?

I can only say, I don’t know all of the thoughts of God, but I do know this:
Jeremiah 29:12′ Then you will call upon Me and come and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. 13 You will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart. 14 ‘I will be found by you,’ declares the LORD, ‘and I will restore your fortunes and will gather you from all the nations and from all the places where I have driven you,’ declares the LORD, ‘and I will bring you back to the place from where I sent you into exile.’

I know that everything I do, I put ALL of my heart into it. Sometimes we have to go through a process of removing clutter from our hearts so that all of our heart is available to God and God alone. I was ready to avail my ALL…I have chanted His name every day since that event.

Book 3-God Reveals

I am writing books to encourage a friend of mine who has been diagnosed with cancer. These are faith building books. Let your faith arise. Share this. Like this. Let’s together allow faith to rise in us for the impossible. Let’s destroy the works of sickness, disease and all destroying things together. In Jesus name.

It was a Tuesday. My mother used to visit me every Wednesday to take care of my two oldest boys. I was a single mom and she wanted to help. She had to come Tuesday, that week. She came to the salon first. I thought it would be a day like every other day. I was wrong.

I caught the view of my mom’s van as she pulled up. My eyes gazed into the sun as she got out of her van. In an instant my view went into slow-motion. I opened and closed my eyes many, many times but, the slow-motion continued. Then, like a microscope I could see my mother was sick and laboring in what she was doing. I ran to the door to help her as my mind raced, questioning how I could know this information? Was I just super smart, super noticing, super aware? Even if, I answered yes to all those questions…slow motion?? How did that happen?

I begged my mom to sit down and allow me to do something for her but, she could not get comfortable. It never occurred to me to call 911. So, maybe I wasn’t super smart. After she left the salon, she went to my house. I told her to do nothing but, play with the boys, as she always cleaned my house. I couldn’t shake what I felt on the inside of me. I knew she was not o.k., but who do I tell what I had seen?

A few hours later she called and said she was going home. I pleaded with her to stay the night. On my way home that night, I could not shake the eerie feeling I had in the pit of stomach. When I turned left on my street I noticed 3 ambulances. I knew they were there for my mother. She had been having a heart attack for hours and didn’t know it.

This story is long, too long to write in full detail. I quickly made arrangements for the boys and spent the next 5 days at the hospital. No one seemed to notice how sick my mom was, except me. I knew she was real sick and couldn’t get anyone to listen. They treated her like she was fine and was going to recover. I kept telling Rob, “my mom isn’t o.k.”! Still, no one believed. I saw and knew what I had seen was not of this world but, didn’t understand fully what was going on.

On the fifth day, as Rob and I left the hospital, my mom said, “Ggggoooodddd-bbbyyyyeeee yyyyy’aaaallll”. It happened again, as she waved and spoke, everything went in slow motion. While Rob and I was walking out of the building a voice said, ” you will never see your mom again“.
I didn’t run home and pray or run back into the room and pray. I did nothing on the outside that was visual to anyone. I had all this going on the inside of me, not knowing what to do. I was out of my league and felt hopeless. At 11:00 p.m. I got a call, I knew before I answered the call who was calling. Yes, my mom had another heart attack.

Why am I writing this? I believe that God sends warnings, signals, caution signs, red flags, stop signs, yield signs, turn around signs and usually we don’t comprehend it was God or most don’t even see the signs. He is talking, He is talking, He is talking! Are we listening? If we hear, do we know what to do? I can honestly say my lack of understanding cost me a lot. The bible says if it costs you EVERYTHING get understanding. I can honestly say it has cost me everything to even begin to understand and still, is anyone listening?

I became obsessive about the things of God so that another life would not be lost, due to me not knowing the signs. I have been rejected, laughed at, ignored, and had every wicked thing said about me. But, despite all those things, I will continue to seek His truth that reveals more than my own truth.

I will also add, I was not attending a church, I was not in any knowing relationship with God. I believe in going to church. But, my point is God is speaking to us, where we are at, wherever that may be. I have felt for years like I wasn’t the proverbial ‘good enough’ for God to talk to me or for me to hear Him. I have heard it preached from pulpits and talked about in the ladies room, about the haves and have nots of anointing, prophesy and giftedness. That is why I am emphasizing and will continue to emphasize my lack of everything that is considered esteemed. I didn’t ask to see. I had no training, yet God came down and revealed something to me. For He alone get’s all the fame.

God reveals but are we listening. God reveals but do we know what to do? God reveals, but are we too locked up to respond correctly? God reveals, but have we put God in a box? God reveals, but does it not fit our personality, likes, dislikes, comfort zones? God reveals, have we allowed ourselves to pay a price for understanding? When I lost everything and continue to loose everything, I begin to allow the uncomfortable to be the comfort of choice. God reveals.